Brooklyn

Black woman: I’ll mess you up! I’ll be waiting for you downstairs, you man-on-man faggot! White trash!
White queer: You don’t scare me! I’ve dealt with the feds, I can
deal with you!

–Welfare office, Boerum Hill

Overheard by: Sheep Overhearder

Black woman: Take that bag off your back.
White man: All it takes are two words: “excuse” and “me”.
Black woman: I’m not saying nothing to you.
White man: Sorry, I see that you only use your mouth for one thing, and that’s sucking dick.
Black woman: You are so rude. Take that back.
White man: Okay, I am sorry. I take it back. You also use your mouth for eating, as seen by the size of your enormous ass.

–4/5 train

Old lady: Julian! Get in the elevator, we are holding it for you.
Old man: I am in the elevator, it’s just my ass that was dragging behind.

–Apartment building, 66th & West End

Overheard by: Lubes

Old lady: I’m not moving until the light says go.
Old man: Yeah, you don’t want to get that rundown feeling.

–Crown Heights

Overheard by: Jamie Lloyd

Guy: Where the fuck is this bitch?…Oh, sorry ’bout the language ladies. I wasn’t talking about you, I was talking about my girlfriend.

–54th & 5th

Overheard by: E. Hart

Preppy guy: I wonder what those nerds are up to over there.
Indian chick: How can you tell they’re nerds from over here?
Preppy guy: The only girl with them has a really fat ass and one of the guys has a ponytail.
Indian chick: That’s pretty harsh.
Preppy guy: I just said they’re nerds. I’m sure they’re great people. Probably better than anybody we know.
Indian chick: You think so?
Preppy guy: No. They’re nerds.

–McGolrick Park, Greenpoint

Hippie guy on cell: Nathan, I don’t care how drunk you were, if you’re giving a blowjob, you know you’re giving a blowjob.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Mr. Donutsu

Old man #1: Whatever happened to her?
Old man #2: Oh…her? She died.
Old man #1: She died?
Old man #2: Yeah. She died.
Old man #1: Did you kill her?

–Fort Greene

Guidette #1: So I called her and she says, “I gotta get off the phone, I’m naked, wet from the shower” and she started mumbling.
Guidette #2: That’s just like her. She’s always naked with something in her mouth.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Koaloha

Teen guy: Yeah, I fucked that retarded girl. She didn’t really know what was going on…but I busted in her.

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Philec

Tourist girl #1: It’s like the Space Needle, only with wire.
Tourist girl #2: And red.

–Coney Island

Overheard by: Lindsey Moore

Russian counterlady: You want coffee?
Mexican guy: No coffee. Juice.
Russian counterlady: What?
Mexican guy: Please…juice?
Russian counterlady: Here we are all juice.

–Midwood Kosher bakery

Overheard by: Sophia Naess