Guy #1: Yo, what’s the Louisiana Purchase?
Guy #2: You mad dumb, yo. That’s when they illegally sold all that alcohol.
–St. Francis College, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Cypher
Guy #1: Yo, what’s the Louisiana Purchase?
Guy #2: You mad dumb, yo. That’s when they illegally sold all that alcohol.
–St. Francis College, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Cypher
Lady: Let me get a half pound of ham, sliced thin,
Deli guy: Is this thin enough?
Lady: Yeah, so long as I can watch TV through it.
–Bensonhurst
Angry man on street: Fuck ass the ball! Fuck ass the ball!
Bystander: Did he just say, “fuck ass the ball?”
–Bed‐Stuy
Man: Excuse me…I just wanted to let you know that I was walking just outside this station and a large, black man just grabbed and shook me and started saying something crazy.
MTA lady: Did he take anything from you?
Man: No. But he was crazy and he shook me!
–Clinton‐Washington Avenues station
Overheard by: Marla Shu
Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium‐rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn’t.
–6 Train
Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding
B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.
–80 Pine St
Overheard by: It’s me
Stroller‐pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze‐dried meat.
–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Morning Glory
NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.
–NYU Kimmel Center
Overheard by: evanescent
Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it’s like a sausage.
–NYU Classroom
Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Murphy
Old Jewish lady: How are you today?
Old Jewish man: If I sold ice cream, I’d be great. If I sold ice cream in Central Park, that would be perfect. But me? I sell chickens in Bedford.
–8th St & Bedford Ave
Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!
–14th St Subway Platform
Overheard by: yoncto
Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.
–City College
Overheard by: Damn Right!
Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.
–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave
Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?
–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint
Overheard by: chris
Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: “Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!”
–4 Train
Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!
–39th & 6th
20‐something guy to five‐year‐old boy: No, Wolverine and Barack Obama are not the same person.
–Hudson Park Soccer Pitch
Overheard by: Kelli Jo
Swag guy: Get your Obama condoms, put it on when times get hard.
–7th Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: Oh no he didn’t.…
Hobo on train: Look at these two girls! If we get married we can make another Obama!
–4 Train
Cute boy: Captain Kirk is the Bush to Picard’s Obama.
–Kent Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Trekkie
Diner to companion: Since Obama’s been President, North Korea has fired like two missiles. They’re testing his foreign policy, uh, you know, they’re testing his gallstones.
–Teddy’s Restaurant, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ken Yapelli
Sock street vendor to passersby: Socks! One dollar, one dollar! One dollar!
(nobody pays attention) Socks! One dollar! Obama! One dollar! Obama! (a few pedestrians stop to browse through his socks)
–New Chinatown, Flushing, Queens
Skinny guy in bad 90s jeans: I have to find out what that stupid bastard said!
Fat guy: What guy are you talking about?
Skinny guy in bad 90s jeans: No, I’m talking about my wife!
–3rd Ave & Ovington, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Ohioan stuck in Brooklyn
