Doorman: Out for your morning power walk?
Old woman: Power walk? I’d fucking drop dead before I got to the corner.
–55th between 5th & 6th
Doorman: Out for your morning power walk?
Old woman: Power walk? I’d fucking drop dead before I got to the corner.
–55th between 5th & 6th
Man with briefcase: Is the boss in?
Store guy: No. He’s in back. What do you want? Why?
Man with briefcase: Because I can help you. You need me. Does anyone owe you money?
Store guy: What?
Man with briefcase: Do you have any non-paying accounts? Has anyone been skipping payments?
Store guy: Why?
Man with briefcase: Because I run a collection service. Here’s my card. Does anyone owe you money? Do you need to collect money from anyone?
Store guy: Why?
–Import/export store, 29th & 6th
Dork: Yeah, but he can spend all that money and gross like a billion dollars, but it’s totally gonna fuck up his legacy, man. Like that guy who was playing when Mozart was around, you know? Whatever happened to that guy?
–Diner, Astoria
Man: How could you do that to me on my birthday month?
–5th between 19th & 20th
Overheard by: Marci Kaufman
Girl: When you look at a little person, don’t you just want to pick them up?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Melissa Wechsler
Art Store guy: …the Army was really persistent. They said, “Oh, we always need artists in the Army.” And I’m like, “No, you fucking don’t! What am I gonna do, paint with the enemy’s blood?”.
–New York Central Art Supply, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: tourist girl
Lady: Excuse me, is this train going uptown or downtown?
–L train platform, Union Square station
Overheard by: Brenna Sinnott
Receptionist: You’re looking good lately. Healthy.
UPS guy: Thanks, I’ve been trying to only drink liquids. You know, water, a salad once in a while.
–Borough Park
Overheard by: Vicki
Lady in stall #1: So, you want to look for that book you wanted?
Lady in stall #2: We are in the bathroom!
Lady in stall #1: It’s a bookstore bathroom.
Saleslady in stall #3: Which book are you looking for?
Lady in stall #2: The one by Tupac Shakur.
Saleslady in stall #3: We have it in the Media aisle.
–Barnes & Noble, 22nd & 6th
Dude: Do you have baseball cleats?
Store guy: What?
Dude: Baseball cleats.
Store guy: What are those?
Dude: Shoes that you play baseball in, they have spikes on the bottom…do you carry any?
Store guy: No, I don’t think so.
–Foot Locker, 34th & 6th
Overheard by: Adam Hill
Woman: Hi.
Cashier lady: Huh?
Lady: Hi.
Cashier lady: Oh.
The cashier finishes checking the lady out.
Lady: Thanks.
Cashier lady: Huh?
Lady: Never mind.
–Fine Fare, Clinton Street
Overheard by: Heather
Lady: I’m looking for non-leather shoes.
Saleswoman: Why non-leather?
Lady: I’m vegan. I don’t wear any animal products.
Saleswoman: Well, they don’t kill the cows to get the leather.
Lady: Where do you think they get the leather from? Do you think there’s a bunch of skinless cows roaming a farm somewhere?
–Forest Hills shoe store
Overheard by: MG
Macy’s clerk: Dude, don’t do that…Dude, I bent down and you fuckin’ farted. Don’t do that.
Customer: …I didn’t.
Macy’s clerk: Bro, you fuckin’ farted in my face when I bent down, I don’t want to smell that in here!
–Macy’s men’s shoes department
Overheard by: Chris Noland
Duane Reade cashier: Hey! Hey, security! What’s your name?
Duane Reade security: Huh?
Dunae Reade cashier: Your name, fool! What’s your name?
Duane Reade security: Wiggy.
Duane Reade cashier: What?
Duane Reade security: Wiggy. W-I-G-G-Y. That’s not my government name though.
–Duane Reade, Broadway & Canal
Overheard by: K. Thor Jensen
