Old man: Yeah, so the doctor told me to put mayonnaise on my head and cucumbers on my eyes. There’s just so much you have to do. I was like, “What is this, a fruit salad?”
Woman: That’s not a fruit salad, that’s a Caesar salad.
Old man: Right, a Caesar salad. Anyway, about that truck.
–2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Hipster guy: If I take off my pants and there’s blood on my cock, it’ll totally be your fault.
–13th & B
Overheard by: WillieBee
NYU chick: What are these stupid, weird underpants you put on me?
West Indian nurse lady: They’re called diapers. You lost control of yourself when you passed out.
–Beth Israel Emergency Room, 1st Avenue
Girl: When we were younger, we totally took for granted the fun in playing Spin the Bottle…I would love to play now but it wouldn’t be the same.
Man: Yeah, playing now would just end with an abortion two months later.
Girl: Ugh.
–Broadway & 46th
Overheard by: Jeff Rigby
Mom: Stop giving your sister the evil eye! What did I tell you about giving people the evil eye?
Little boy: That they would be sent to Hell forever to live with the devil.
–Bx22 bus
Bookchick #1: I had to go and see a circumcision yesterday. Any mother who does that to their son is evil and should burn in Hell.
Bookchick #2: Yeah, but it’s much more hygienic.
Bookchick #1: So? Your labia gets dirty too.
–Barnes & Noble, 22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Girl #1: You know when I goes out with a boy, I like to make sure that I am all clean and shit.
Girl #2: I know, me too.
Girl #1: Come to think of it, I like to be clean when I go out with the girls, too…Ya know, one of them always ends up touching ya.
Girl #2: I hears ya.
–2 train
Overheard by: jonathan
Girl #1: I really need to buy cigarettes. Would they sell them there?
Girl #2: Um…that stands for “General Nutrition Center.”
–10th Street & 7th Avenue
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy: You can never underestimate the importance of cuticles.
Girl: Yeah, you can.
–108th & Amsterdam
Drunk girl: Is that the line for the bathroom?
Sober guy: No, that’s people who like looking at the bathrooms.
–Harry’s, Long Island City
Overheard by: Trix
Pretty boy: Man, I think I’m getting a migraine.
Southern chick: Guys don’t get migraines, they get cluster headaches.
Pretty boy: Go the fuck back to the prairie, Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: dj wantwo
Guy #1: I just don’t like the taste of water.
Guy #2: Who doesn’t like water?
Guy #1: Me.
–Palladium, 14th Street
Overheard by: Brian
Girl: This isn’t right. We’re supposed to be on Murray Street.
Guy: Dude, you know I’m dyslexic!
–Warren & Greenwich
Guy: Your breath stinks, get away from me!
Girl: I just woke up. Imagine if the Prince had said that to Snow White? You think her breath smelled so great?
–98th & Columbus
Overheard by: Danielle Harris
