Wednesday One‐Glove‐Liners

20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!

–Pet Food Store

Overheard by: Nathalie

Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?

–8^th & Broadway

Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?

–Chambers St. & West Broadway

Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.

–MacDougal & 8^th St

Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.

–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown

Overheard by: Lauren T.

Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.

–Delancey & Essex

Posted on May 27, 2023
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Brothers, Cancer, Chinatown, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Coworkers, Death, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Sisters, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One‐liners Belong in a Zoo

Girl: Yeah, so, did you hear that the bald eagle isn’t extinct anymore?

–Central Park

Posted on May 15, 2023
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Central Park, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Manhattan, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pop Culture, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, STDs, Stupidity, The Village, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Yuppies

So I’m Totally Voting for Obama

Old woman #1: She’s a loony!
Old woman #2: Maybe she’s going through the change…
Old woman #1: No. She’s a loony.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: JC

Posted on April 3, 2023
Default, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Old People, Park Slope, Women

And I Ran Out Of Monkey Wax

Hip student #1: How’s Libby?
Hip student #2: She’s good. We’re getting along really great. We eat dinner together every night. She’s really smart and she’s so pretty. The only problem is…
Hip student #1: The only problem is what?
Hip student #2: I think I might be allergic to her fur.

–Columbia Campus, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: some girl

Posted on April 2, 2023
Beauty, Columbia (& Barnard), Hair, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Questions, Students, Vagina

Brilliant!

Woman #1: I am coming perilously close to dehydration.
Woman #2: Okay. Let’s go to Duane Reade.
Woman #1: Okay, but can you buy me a bottle of water? I have no money.
Woman #2: You’re walking around with no money? What are going to do if you get robbed?
Woman #1: Give them my credit cards – everyone takes credit.

–Union Square Park

Posted on February 28, 2023
Default, Drinks, Health and Hygiene, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Thievery, Union Square and East Village, Women

True, but He Only Does It Every Five Days

Guy, about colleague’s showering habits: Yea, you know, I have an eye for that kinda stuff. Need to make sure people stay clean ‘n fresh ’round me. Know what I’m sayin’?
Girl: Are you sure? Because–
Guy: –Nah, yo. He must shower early in the morning or late at night. Or else somewhere in between.

–On the bus

Overheard by: Nabz

Posted on February 21, 2023
Coworkers, Health and Hygiene, On the Bus

These Wednesday One‐Liners May Be Difficult to Swallow.

30‐something on cell: What can I say, the only thing that I can commit to is Percocet.

–63^rd & Amsterdam Ave

Suit: Yeah, I didn’t even take any Adderall this morning, and I feel fine!

–Wall Street

Girl, casually: I took a few too many Xanax earlier and now I feel like I’m driving my body…

–Cooper Union Foundation Building

Girl on phone: Fine, sniff your lavender, but I still think pills are better.

–52^nd & 10^th

Overheard by: krysta

Posted on February 19, 2023
Health and Hygiene, Medicine, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, The Bronx, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Which Goes Well with My Skin

Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch… does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh… well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn’t come it any other colors. Just beige.

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: misskitty

Posted on January 28, 2023
Accidents, Clothing, Colors, Compliments, Gadgets, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Lower East Side, Old People, Women

Wednesday One‐liners Are Unclean…Unclean!

Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!

–39^th & 6^th

Posted on January 6, 2023
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Dating, Fashion, Getting Off, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Manhattan, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Soho, Suits, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Apple’s Next Anti‐PC Marketing Campaign Takes Shape

Office thug #1: Yo, Windows is, like, mad‐retarded!
Office thug #2: Say what?
Office thug #1: I said Windows is bullshit, man.
Office thug #2: Man, I been telling you that shit for years. My G5 is way better than whatever computer you got.
Office thug #1: Nigga, my laptop has AIDS!

–52^nd St & Madison

Posted on January 5, 2023
AIDS, Computer, Gadgets, Health and Hygiene, Laptop, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, People, Places, Thugs, Topics, Venues

Health and Hygiene