Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink!
–2/3 train
Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass.
–W. 53rd & 10th
Overheard by: James Shannon
Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly.
–Angelo’s, 55th Street
Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even!
–Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope
Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know?
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: PB
Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?”
–Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale!
–41st & 7th
Middle aged woman: You gots laxatives? Where da laxatives?
Shelfstacker: Laxawhat?
Middle aged woman: Oh yeah, youse too young to know about it, huh? When you gets to my age, you know all about it.
–CVS, 96th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: erra
Puerto Rican chick: Ooh, first the wife beaters and now the Axe? I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off of you!
–Walgreens, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jason
Hobo: Anyone have any spare change or medicine for lice?
–Christopher St. station
Overheard by: Matthew Dyke
Hobo: Excuse me, excuse me, sir, do you have change for a 12?
–West 4th Street
Singing hobo: I just spilled, I just spilled, I just spilled my blackberry brand-ayyyy.
–14th St. & 6th Ave.
Overheard by: wayne mitchell
Lady: So now I have to take a pill every day to remind myself I’m not having sex?
–Century 21, Financial District
Overheard by: Mike Barry
Man in fur coat and matching hat: Excuse me, where can I find the sanitation napkins?
–Rite Aid, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Katie
JHS girl: I’ll be damned if I let a seventh-grader ruin my reputation.
–8th Ave. playground
Sweaty fat man on cell: I would feel stupid if I were in a diabetic coma.
–8th Ave. between 21st & 22nd
Girl #1: I don’t know how I got pregnant.
Girl #2: Well, don’t you use birth control?
Girl #1: Yes! That’s why I don’t understand. Right after I had sex I squirted in a lot of that birth control foam cream stuff.
Girl #2: After? You’re supposed to put it in before. That’s why it prevents pregnancy.
Girl #1: Oh? I didn’t know that.
Girl #2: You know you oughta get a IUD. There’s nothing to remember or know, they just stick it in there and you can like keep it in there forever!
Girl #1: Who sticks it in?
Girl #2: Forget it. Just go to the doctor like right away like yesterday. Uh, I mean as soon as possible.
–1st & 1st
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
British Lady: I have a sharp pain in my bladder.
British Guy: Maybe you’re pregnant.
British Lady: How would you know?
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Katherine O’Brien
