Health & Hygiene

Chick: Brazilians are the bomb.
Dude: Eastern European chicks are always sooo hot because they can’t afford food.


Flaming gay over speakerphone: Just like that boy from Miami last night, I tried to suck his dick like I was trying to win an Olympic gold medal. And that's the only ass I would lick even if it wasn't clean.

Washington, DC

Man on cell: I can't dust your house today, I'm dusting Amanda's. (pause) No, I'm dusting yours tomorrow. (very long pause) Well, then I don't know why I'm carrying around this dust-rag, I feel silly!

Dallas, Texas

Overheard by: Madeline

Suit #1, referring to scar on suit #2's throat: What happened to you?
Suit #2: My daughter is batshit. What of it?

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: Julia

Teen girl #1: I have pomegranate green tea at home.
Teen girl #2: Oh my god! Just think of the antioxidants!

Charlottesville, Virginia

Overheard by: local woman

Professor: And so then after he killed the beast he went and bathed because there was dirt under his fingernails and a civilized man never has dirty fingernails… (pauses) My first girlfriend dumped me for dirty fingernails.

York University

Overheard by: Student

Ranting idiot: I mean, what the fuck? We live in the United States. It is 2006. There is no excuse for having fucking rotten teeth. I don’t care if she is your sister — brush your fucking teeth!

Town Hall Café
Empire, Colorado

Overheard by: try 2007 – TK

Coworker #1: So, did you ever figure out what was biting you?
Coworker #2: Yeah, the clinic said it was bedbugs. And I'm like, “Bedbugs?!” It's not like I have dead bodies layin' around, or anything.

Biloxi, Mississippi

Overheard by: so, where are they?

Thugette #1: Girl, you slept wif him?!
Thugette #2: I know — he ugly and got crabs, but I made him buy me drugs first.
Thugette #1: True dat.

Campus shuttle, Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Steveo

Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?

New Jersey