Guy: Do you have Jesus in your heart?
Woman: Do I have cheese?
–Smith/9th Street station
Guy: Do you have Jesus in your heart?
Woman: Do I have cheese?
–Smith/9th Street station
Hobo: Where you from?
Girl: Russia.
Hobo: Russia? Oh. I like Russia. Jesus will get you a good job.
–E train
Lab coat guy: So, her son’s name is Spike? Who names their kid Spike?
Blue shirt guy: No. His real name is something stupid like Leonard.
–Washington Mutual, 71st & 1st
Queer: who would you rather go out with: Jesus or me?
Girl: Jesus. He can give me eternal life.
–F train
Street vendor: I don’t have kids, I would never have kids. Well, unless Jesus Christ himself comes down to earth and says, “Kev, it’s me, Jesus. I think you should have kids.” Then I would consider it.
–46th & 6th
Businesslady: So I says to her, “Girl, you’ve gotta pray. You gotta get Jesus in your fucking life.”
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Joel Warden
Woman: It was as if I had fallen into a Hell Pit, or something like that.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: MissHell
Crazy lady: I spent two years single, and then I met Jesus. And Jesus and I have been together for four years. And Jesus never forgets to call and check in once in awhile. He says, “Hey, how you doin’?”.
–Sunnyside
Overheard by: Mikey
Guy: He was into wearing slippers without socks. Like Jesus.
–Union Square station
Subway preacher: Jay Z ain’t gonna save ya! Jesus’ll save ya!
–West 4th Street station
Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even!
–Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope
Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know?
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: PB
Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?”
–Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Greg Rutter
Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale!
–41st & 7th
Bible Thwacker: Have you considered turning back to Jesus?
Woman: Have you considered licking my clitoris?
–Times Square
A psychic was handing out flyers, and was rebuffed by one woman with: Hey, if you were psychic, you’d know I don’t believe in that shit.
–Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Homey #1: Yo, hold up…Jesus was a virgin?! He went from 12 to 33 with nothing?
Homey #2: Fuck that shit. He definitely got his dick sucked or buttfucked some bitches.
–L Train, 8th Avenue
Overheard by: Brian McCaffrey
Thug: Damn! You can’t go nowhere now without seeing faggots. I saw two brothers holding hands on the train the other day. It’s like they were coming out of the closet on the train!
Thugette: There ain’t no closet on the train.
–L Train, 8th Avenue
Woman, 30s: So I go to his apartment last night after our date, and there’s all this Jesus stuff all over. I said, “Tell me this stuff is your roommate’s.” He gives me this shocked look. Turns out he’s born again! I was so pissed; I thought I was gonna get laid…
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Ursus Standingbear
