Wednesday One-liners Are Bad Ideas

Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even!

–Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope

Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: PB

Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?”

–Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale!

–41st & 7th

Posted on November 22, 2024
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Fighting and ass kicking, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Jesus, Lesbians, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Park Slope, Sports, Williamsburg

When “Go Fuck Yourself” Is Just Not Enough

Bible Thwacker: Have you considered turning back to Jesus?
Woman: Have you considered licking my clitoris?

–Times Square

A psychic was handing out flyers, and was rebuffed by one woman with: Hey, if you were psychic, you’d know I don’t believe in that shit.

–Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Deborah Olin

Posted on September 22, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Comebacks, Eating Out, Jesus, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Revealed: The Nexus of All Horrifying Conversation

Homey #1: Yo, hold up…Jesus was a virgin?! He went from 12 to 33 with nothing?
Homey #2: Fuck that shit. He definitely got his dick sucked or buttfucked some bitches.

–L Train, 8th Avenue

Overheard by: Brian McCaffrey

Thug: Damn! You can’t go nowhere now without seeing faggots. I saw two brothers holding hands on the train the other day. It’s like they were coming out of the closet on the train!
Thugette: There ain’t no closet on the train.

–L Train, 8th Avenue

Posted on August 21, 2023
Backdoor, BJs, Body Parts, Gays and Lesbians, Jesus, On the Subway, Stupidity, Virginity, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Should Have Dressed Up Like the Magdalene

Woman, 30s: So I go to his apartment last night after our date, and there’s all this Jesus stuff all over. I said, “Tell me this stuff is your roommate’s.” He gives me this shocked look. Turns out he’s born again! I was so pissed; I thought I was gonna get laid…

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Ursus Standingbear

Posted on August 13, 2023
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Dating, Hootchies, Jesus, One-liners, Sex

Oh Jeez, Get Ready for a Rant About the Jews

Old black man: Do you believe in black Jesus or white Jesus?
White girl: White Jesus.
Old black man: I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you.

–2 Train

Posted on July 25, 2023
Black People, Girls, Jesus, Old People, On the Subway, Questions, Race, White People

Wednesday Hearts One-Liners

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I'm in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don't love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49th & 11th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine's Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says "I love you" like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law's face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell-o.

–St. John's University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn't fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I'm in love, she's like the whole package! She's pretty, she's fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on April 14, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Colors, Conductors, Food, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White Trash

Happy Birthday, Mithras!

Red State Girl: Is that a hammer in your bag?
Dealer: Yeah. It’s a metaphor. ‘Cause Jesus was a carpenter, see. And I walk with Jesus.
Red State Girl: Oh.

–29th Street & 7th Ave.

Overheard by: M. Martin

Posted on September 5, 2022
Druggies, Jesus, Philosophy

Saviors: Gotta Catch 'em All!

Teen boy #1: You should be a Pokemon for Halloween.
Teen boy #2: Like Jesus?

–Chambers St.

Posted on July 1, 2022
Advice, Holidays, Jesus, Teens, TV, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Sacred Mysteries Are Wasted on the Young

Teen #1: Can I have a piece of gum? My mouth tastes weird.
Teen #2: Dude, you can’t eat Jesus and expect it to taste good.

–Cathedral of St. John the Divine

Overheard by: Piously laughing

Posted on April 19, 2022
Buildings, Food, Jesus, Teens

Mary Magdalene Was a Preppy Asian Chick?

Preppy Asian girl #1: Look! The crazy religious people gave me a key chain.
Preppy Asian girl #2: What's it say?
Preppy Asian girl #1: That I'm number one with Jesus.
Preppy Asian girl #2: I don't think Jesus will appreciate the fact that you're a slut.

–N Train

Posted on March 29, 2022
Asians, Girls, Jesus, On the Subway, Promiscuity, Students