Man reciting gospel on a train: And you, sir, have you accepted Jesus into your life?
Passenger: A long time ago, baby. Now fuck off.
–1 Train
Man reciting gospel on a train: And you, sir, have you accepted Jesus into your life?
Passenger: A long time ago, baby. Now fuck off.
–1 Train
Tourist: Does this train stop at Cortland Street?
Nun: Yes, it does.
Guy: No, it doesn’t. The station is closed.
Nun: I’ve been riding this train over 20 years. It stops at Cortland Street.
Guy, as train passes Cortland Street station: Lady, you may know Jesus, but I know the subways.
–1 train
Queer: I am going to learn Aramaic so Jesus can understand me.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Lynn Casey
Ditz #1: So yeah, I think Jesus was totally a mongoose soul.
Ditz #2: Totally. And Harry Potter, too.
(they nod together)
–F Train
Overheard by: Numbat
Foreign TA: I don’t understand why they use the egg for Easter.
American TA: Oh, it doesn’t really have anything to do with Easter, we just appropriated pagan rituals.
Foreign TA: I thought Easter is when Jesus was reborn.
American TA: It is.
Foreign TA: I thought maybe he was reborn out of an egg.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: MCLD
Boyfriend: Look at that little kid, it looks like he’s walking on water.
Girlfriend: He’s Jesus.
Boyfriend: I never knew Jesus was a mulatto.
Girlfriend: No, he was Indian, didn’t you know? (pause) An American Indian.
–6th Ave
Overheard by: eavesdropper
Nine‐year‐old boy to friends: Don’t be talking smack about Jesus. He was one of our greatest presidents!
–Q train
Overheard by: J‑Lo
Hip chick in black whose dog poops in street: No! No! Jesus fucking Christ! [Looks up and notices she’s in front of large church.] Oops.
–71st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: She didn’t even pick it up
High school boy: He’s like a fat homeless Jesus who stole a rich man’s coat.
–Bronx
Soccer mom to another: You know, Friday nights are always a great time for Jesus.
–82nd and Columbus
Overheard by: Just bought a bottle of Jack to share with Jesus
Student on phone: All I have to say about being friends with Jesus is that unlimited fish sandwiches and wine doesn’t sound like a bad deal.
–NYU
Crazy guy: Praise Jesus! But stay outta my way — I will stab you.
–W 17th St
Overheard by: dawllyllama
Girl to friend: I mean, come on — who really cares about Jesus?
–Elevator, NYU Silver Center
Hipster: So I was walking down the street, and I saw Jesus, and then I was like, ‘Hey, how’s it going, Jesus?’
–Union Square
Overheard by: Kanad
Subway preacher: The ocean is full of water. Jesus changed water into wine. It’s all good. Michael Jackson called it ‘Jesus Juice.’
–Rockefeller Plaza subway
Overheard by: G‑Lime
Queer: I replaced my imaging of Jesus as a transvestite serial killer to an image of Jesus as a militaristic terrorist…
–1 train
Queer to another: I think Jesus loves Halloween.
–23rd St, between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: adam
20‐ish guy: Let me get this straight — it’s spelled like ‘Jesus,’ but it’s pronounced ‘Hey‐Seuss’? That’s just weird.
–49th & 8th
Overheard by: JoBell
Bible thumper: Ladies, you may see a handsome man and think to yourself, ‘I want him to be my sugar daddy.’ Oh, yes! And he becomes your sugar daddy, and he takes you to Macy’s and he buys you a crock pot. Oh, yes! But then later he beats you with that crock pot. Oh, yes! Then you realize that it is not he who is your sugar daddy, it is really Jesus Christ who is your sugar daddy! Oh, yes!
–4 train
NYU journalism professor: Okay, so who invented the European letter press in the 15th century?
Attentive female student in the back: Jesus!
(TA giggles)
–NYU
Teacher: Does anyone know of the year 1732?
(class remains silent)
Teacher: I’ll give you a hint: it’s the year of someone’s birthday.
Girl: Jesus!
–Simon Baruch Middle School
Overheard by: the art major
