Teachers/Professors

Back to School, Wednesday One-liners

Guy: I want to go to FIT so I can hook up with girls.

–27th & 7th

Girl: I mean, I got shat on at Harvard.

–9th Street & 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Kamran Javadizadeh

Woman: Is there a special event going on at Columbia this summer? Because I’ve seen a lot of Asians around.

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: Carrie

Hipster girl: I mean, I’ve got like, over 160 facebook friends. Does that not mean anything?

–56th & 6th

Overheard by: Joyce Shen

Sociology professor: No one knows what the hell Derrida is talking about, but we all pretend we do anyway.

–Columbia

Overheard by: djlindee

Now That’s Just Plain Racist

Professor: What is significant about the character’s reaction?
Chick: Well, you can tell he’s scared because he’s really pale.
Professor: …what do you mean, he’s pale? It’s a black and white film, they’re all pale.

–New School film class

Smells Like Teen Coitus

Guy: Why didn’t you want to tell my mom what you’re studying in school?
Girl: What was I supposed to do, say, “I study sexuality and your son is homework” and drag you by the arm into the bedroom? I don’t want her thinking I’m some kind of hussy who only uses people for sex as part of her doctoral research.
Guy: Actually, she would’ve been fine with that.

–Mott & Grand

Overheard by: Djlindee

Old Mom or Trophy Mom?

Teacher: Tyler*, your mom is here.
Tyler: Yay! … Wait, which one?

–Citigroup Children’s Center, 399 Park Ave

Overheard by: sarita92282

Some Half-Baked Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It's me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

To Within a Couple Of Crocodiles

Professor, describing a picture of the Calendario Azteca: It's not actually a calendar, but a depiction of Aztec cosmology and creation.
Student: Is it accurate?

–Columbia University

Heath Ledger May Be a Good Acting Teacher, But He’s a Shitty Human Being

Professor: Did I tell you guys I’m going to be a father? I’m going to be a father.
Class: Awww!
Professor: I had a little accident. Now I have to get married.

–NYU classroom

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One-Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it's entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know–for the time being I'm just referring to it as a Duchamp "readymade." Ew! Don't you call me bohemian!

–19th & 6th

Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he's dead now.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.

–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA

Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff–but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.

–20th & 5th

Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It's not art if you can see his penis!

–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art

A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One-Liners

Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?

–Café, 113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Anthropology professor: Everyone's a misogynist. Women attend seminars, "seminar" comes from the word "semen," which comes from the Latin for "a unit of knowledge." And this, my friends, is how women get smart.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU

Rambling man: Nobody's gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.

–Rivington & Forsyth

Wednesday One-Liners Reach Maximum Occupancy

Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.

–Fordham University

20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite.

–N Train

Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.

–Astoria

20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft?

–F Train

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist