Yuppie: I was just teaching the scientific method to my students.
Nerd: Oh, so you teach them induction and deduction?
Yuppie: [long pause] The students aren’t that smart so I don’t teach them big words like those.
— Party, Manhattan
Yuppie: I was just teaching the scientific method to my students.
Nerd: Oh, so you teach them induction and deduction?
Yuppie: [long pause] The students aren’t that smart so I don’t teach them big words like those.
— Party, Manhattan
Teacher: Does anyone know what ‘condemned’ means? Okay, let me give you an example: The Jews condemned Jesus. [Everyone looks at only Jewish student in class, who then glares at the teacher.] Oh, I’m so sorry!
–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island
Professor in stuffy room: Someone open a window.
Student: We're on the fifth floor; they don't open.
Professor: I don't understand why they don't unlock them. No one is going to kill themselves. We're not NYU.
–Columbia University
Professor guy: I am not taking questions now! I will take questions after class.
Student dude: …Excuse me, who are you talking to?
–Vanderbilt Hall, Washington Square South
Professor: When vassals would take an oath of loyalty they would kneel in front of the king and put their hands like this [puts hands in prayer position]. Now, what does this look like?
Student: A vagina?
Professor: No! Praying! It looks like praying!
–Fordham University
Overheard by: Marina C
Headline by: belle
Runners-Up:
· “Either way, it helps to kneel.” – Lindsey
· “From The Da Vinci Code’s deleted scenes.” – nick
· “In a refreshing move from the anus, today’s headline contest is brought to you by the vagina. That’s right, Overheard in New York is wiping back-to-front.” – erak
· “Now Get Your Cock Up In This” – B.M.D.
· “Okay, maybe a LITTLE prayer in schools wouldn’t hurt” – space coyote
· “Putting the Pussy on a Pedestal” – Clof
Preppy guy: This may be the last thing I say with my penis attached, but…
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Hunter
Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his penis is really important here, if his is better I'll take him!
–26th St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: your mom
Asian guy: Everyone else was on the floor. Everyone had a penis in their face.
–D Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl on cell: All I'm saying is: don't jump on the first penis that comes along!
–Broadway
Boss, about weightlifting: My genitals were so inverted I used to crap my penis.
–5th Ave
Teacher: There are about six euphemisms for "penis" in the first scene!
–Junior High School
Overheard by: gabygrillz
Suit on cell: Nah, don’t even bother callin’ that fuckin’ guy. At 4:59 he pulls the steam whistle and slides down the Brontosaurus tail.
–45th & 7th
Overheard by: Fred F.
Homegirl to another: Yo, you remind me of my nigga, SpongeBob!
–125th & Amsterdam
20-something babe: Optimus Prime is my boyfriend!
–Union Square cinema
Suit: The winter after I graduated college I watched a lot of Cartoon Network.
–8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: jonesy
Girl: Yeah, you know, it’s just like the time I dyed myself blue, only the guy I was with was colorblind so he couldn’t even tell! Hey, haven’t you ever wanted to know what it feels like to be a Smurf?
–1 train
Fat professor: In order to avoid economic loss you have to look deeper than the average bear.
–Pace University
Overheard by: random student
Question girl: Well, if the sky is only blue when the sun is shining on it, then how come the Earth looks blue when they take pictures from the Moon?
Professor: Well, that's probably because of all the water.
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Professor: Wisdom goes: if you are looking to get married, and you can either choose a nine who is broke or a seven with a lot of money, you choose the…?
Students, without missing a beat: Seven!
–Hunter College
Student: I tried to write my Spanish essay but I don’t know how to say “bitch” in Spanish.
Professor: You live in New York and you don’t even know that?
–Brooklyn College
Overheard by: Guy
