Another Round of Wednesday One‐Liners

Woman: She brought a bottle of vodka on the plane with her. She was doing shots the whole flight.

–Central Park

Overheard by: sarah

Conductor: The next stop is Cherry Hill, but for the men singing, it was alcohol.

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Date Rape

Smooth operator: Don’t worry, I thought you were pretty before I got drunk.

–Subway

Party girl: Yeah, so I did like 10 shots and woke up the next day wearing only one shoe and a sombrero.

–51^st St & Broadway

Hobo: Ladies and gentlemen, I have spent all my money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… But now, I have learned my lesson. I want to spend all your money on alcohol and marijuana and drugs… and viagra…

–Union Square, uptown 6 train

Guy: Dude, I can’t get that drunk. I am trying to fuck that girl tonight.

–Outside Columbia dorm

Bimbette: Oh my god, it was a terrorist act! I’m going to the wine bar.

–68^th St & York

Posted on June 8, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Bimbettes, Central Park, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Drugs, Ew, Jersey, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Homeless, Manhattan, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Pick-up Lines, Places, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Terrorism, Topics, Upper East Side, Venues, Weed, Women, Yeaaahhh College!

That’s What Everyone Tells Me

Dude: Hey, how are you?
Chick: Good!
Dude: Yeah?
Chick: Yeah… I’ve been banging everyone, though.
Dude: Yeah.

–Stairwell, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Posted on May 10, 2023
Bimbettes, Columbia University, Guys, Hootchies, Promiscuity, Talking/Convos

To Within a Couple Of Crocodiles

Professor, describing a picture of the Calendario Azteca: It’s not actually a calendar, but a depiction of Aztec cosmology and creation.
Student: Is it accurate?

–Columbia University

Posted on May 7, 2023
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, History & Geography, Questions, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

Wednesday One‐Liners, As God Made Them

Guy on cell: What does you caring about me have to do with me at some club with “hypothetical” naked chicks?

–42^nd & Lexington

Guy yelling across street to girl on phone: Tell her I waited naked on the bed all night but she never came!

–Washington Square

Suit to another: It’s so weird because there are so many people at the office who you’d never think to picture naked… Like Marcy: you’d never picture her naked. Alex: you’d never picture him naked. Derek: I’ve never pictured him naked.

–F Train

Overheard by: EmLo

Guy, to two women: I was like, “You’re lying on top of me. We’re naked. When does this get fun?”

–Philosophy Building, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

(girl is wearing small, tight, mini‐skirt and talking to a group of boys)
Girl: If it was up to me, I wouldn’t be wearing any clothes, if it weren’t for gravity.

–Sybil’s, Liberty Ave, Queens

Overheard by: Terrence

20‐something girl to friend: So I chased after him, but I was naked…so how far could I go?

–Brooklyn Promanade

Posted on March 19, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Columbia University, Friends, Girls, Grocery Stores, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nudity, Office politics, On Cell, On the Subway, Pictures, Queens, Questions, Science, Sexuality, Suits, Washington Square Park, Weirdness

And Was That Before or After They Turned Into Swans?

Girl #1: My dad voted for Bush twice.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: He’s an old school Republican.
Girl #2: Wait, when did the Republicans turn into Democrats? After Roosevelt?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bunny

Posted on November 17, 2022
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Girls, History & Geography, Parents, President, Questions, Stupidity

Wednesday One‐liner Cotton to Book Learnin’

Professor guy: I was going to give you all a quiz today. But then I realized that it was Valentine’s Day. You’re supposed to do something for the people you love on Valentine’s Day. And of course, I love all of you very much. So…I decided to give you the quiz on pink paper instead!

–Columbia University

Posted on September 12, 2022
Columbia University, Holidays, Teachers/Professors

Sympathy and A Skillful Segue is the Mark of a Successful Hobo

Columbia student: So I was dealing with all these peptide bonds and it was getting annoyingly complicated.
Hobo: Yo, I hate it when that happens! Got a quarter?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: SlickRicks

Posted on August 26, 2022
Columbia University, Hobos, Money & Class, School and studying, Students

What Day Do We Post Wednesday One‐Liners?

Suit to security guard: Which elevator goes next door?

–1 Penn Plaza

Overheard by: Nora

Hot dog vendor: To go?

–Hot Dog Stand, 62^nd & 3^rd

Overheard by: Chrissy

Woman holding Dunkin Donuts mug to employee: Excuse me, can this mug hold cold drinks as well, or just hot ones?

–Dunkin Donuts, 76^th & York

Woman: Crepe cafe? What do they do there? (comes closer) Ohhhh, they make crepes?

–Crepe Cafe Cart, W 50^th St

Overheard by: Dianora

20‐something girl to friend: What are we even walking for again?

–Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk, Central Park

Laughing, genuinely amazed Columbia underclassman: Isn’t it, like, amazing, how we know what is food and what isn’t food?

–W 114^th Street b/w Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Conductor: Next stop is…where am I?

–Uptown 1 Train

Posted on August 5, 2022
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Columbia University, Conductors, Directions, Drinks, Food, Friends, Girls, Hot dog stands, Junk Food & Fast Food, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Philosophy, Politics, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Security Guards, Students, Stupidity, Suits, Upper East Side, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Beirut’s Not a ‘Real Sport’ Only Because ESPN Can’t Afford the Liability Insurance

Girl: Is Beirut the same thing as Beer Pong?
Guy: What?
Girl: Beirut. Is it the same thing as Beer Pong?
Guy: Beer what?
Girl: Beer Pong.
Guy: Beer Pong?
Girl: Yeah. I feel like Beirut isn’t a real sport.
Guy: Oh, is Beirut a sport?
Girl: I don’t think so. I think it’s like Beer Pong.
Guy: Oh, I always thought it was a country.

–Columbia University