Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: V

Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents!

–Pathmark, Massapequa

Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead?

Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults.

–Columbia University

Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not.

–Columbia University

Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun."

–Grand Central

Overheard by: galgal

Posted on May 30, 2016
Accidents, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Cars and Driving, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Home, Sweet Home, Nerds, On Cell, One-liners, Pee, Poop, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-liners for Chosen People

Girl: And it’s so weird to ask Jews if they are German. I just feel weird doing it, because of the Nazis and all.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Dan

Posted on March 10, 2016
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia University, Girls, Global Geography, Hitler/Nazis, Idiots, Judaism, One-liners

Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is?

–5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope

Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now.

–Parking Lot, Broadway Mall

Overheard by: Lysa

Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it.

–Cardozo Law School

Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda?

–NYU Dining Hall

Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Who'd have thought?

Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog.

–Penn Station

Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray.

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on February 28, 2016
Advice, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Asians, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Food, Friends, Girls, Guidos, Height, Junk Food & Fast Food, LaGuardia Airport, Malls, Murder, NYU, One-liners, Park Slope, Penis, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Politics, Questions, Scents of the City, School, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, Students, Stupidity, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

That Way I Can Snack on It When I Get Bored

Girl #1: What does a brain tumor feel like? Cause I think I have one.
Girl #2: I don't know, but that's horrible.
Girl #1: Yeah, it would suck a lot. It just feels like there's a lump, in my brain. I'm really out of shape, though, so I'm hoping the lump is just another pile of fat building up in my bod.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: pomy

Posted on February 12, 2016
Body Parts, Cancer, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Diet/Weight, Girls

Brunettes Have Four Weeks More Fun!

Blonde chick: I don’t understand. It’s stupid. You mutiply it by 4.
Brunette chick: No, there are 52 weeks in a year.
Blonde chick: No, you multiply the months by 4. 12 times 4, and you get 48.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Bystander

Posted on September 15, 2015
Columbia University, Girls, Idiots, Science, Students, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Time

Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here!

–Grand Central

Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now.

–44th St & Broadway

Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?"

–59th St & Lexington

Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that?

–Brooklyn College

Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: christopher james

Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy.

–F Train

Posted on August 8, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Conductors, Directions, Friends, Girls, Grand Central, Guys, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parents, Passengers, Pee, Penis, Poop, Public Transportation, Questions, Rape, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Students, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

Don't Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?

–47th & Madison

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can't they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

–Doctor's Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Professor: Did I tell you guys I'm getting into professional wrestling?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Didn't want the details

Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It's fucking field hockey! It's a girl's sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski

Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.

–Willets Point, Queens

Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Posted on August 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Brooklyn, Clerks, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Conductors, Directions, Football, Fordham, Gender issues, Gripes, Guys, Insults, Mets, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Passengers, Public Transportation, Queens, Questions, School and studying, Shea Stadium, Sports, Street, Students, Teachers/Professors, Teens, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

A Sociopolitical Justification for Post-Modern Man’s Thirst for Pee?

American grad student: Should I be in a fetish video?
French grad student: What would be the point?
American grad student: What do you mean? It’s a fetish video.
French grad student: But what would be the point? What’s the thesis?

–Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: The Evil Triangle

Posted on August 5, 2015
Advice, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Default, Education, Foreigners, Kink, Porn, Questions, Students

If You Love Wednesday So Much, Why Don’t You One-Liner It?

Woman talking to cute businessman: Oh I totally love, like, water and all that jazz!

–Newark Flight

DJ to crowd: If ya love ya mama put ya put ya mothafuckin hand up the skyyyyy!

–Hammerstein Ballroom

Crazy man in leather pants: Bitches, I seen it all! Bitches, hoes, I done it all… Y’all, who won the Yankees game last night? I said, who won the Yankees game last night?! Can I get a motherfucking answer? [Pause.] Fuck all y’all, fuck all y’all niggas, black, white, fuck all y’all white niggas [Pause.] Bitches, hoes, Cadillacs! I done it all! Fuck all y’all [Pause.] Peace, love, and respect baby for all. I love all y’all.

–A Train

Overheard by: Sam

Girl on cell: …but I have to go now -I’m busy lovin’. I said I’m lovin’. I have to go!

–Outside Butler Library, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

20-something woman: I need more people in my life who love my knees.

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: McFreaky

Boy: I’m going to have a business card made. Some finance company. Girls love that stuff.

–6 Train

Overheard by: oya

Posted on July 31, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Boys, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Crazy, Ew, Jersey, Girls, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Love, Men, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Parents, Questions, Race, Sports, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Country Mouse, Wednesday One-Liner Mouse

Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.

–DiFara Pizzeria

Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.

–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: depends on citizens

Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: AEVRed

Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Posted on July 29, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Columbia University, Dads, Duane Reade, Foreigners, Girls, Guys, Happiness, Languages, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, Shoes, Southerners, Store, Stupidity, Suits, Tourism, TV, Tweens, Weirdness, Women