Mom: Stop giving your sister the evil eye! What did I tell you about giving people the evil eye?
Little boy: That they would be sent to Hell forever to live with the devil.
–Bx22 bus
Bookchick #1: I had to go and see a circumcision yesterday. Any mother who does that to their son is evil and should burn in Hell.
Bookchick #2: Yeah, but it’s much more hygienic.
Bookchick #1: So? Your labia gets dirty too.
–Barnes & Noble, 22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Guy: You can never underestimate the importance of cuticles.
Girl: Yeah, you can.
–108th & Amsterdam
Drunk girl: Is that the line for the bathroom?
Sober guy: No, that’s people who like looking at the bathrooms.
–Harry’s, Long Island City
Overheard by: Trix
Pretty boy: Man, I think I’m getting a migraine.
Southern chick: Guys don’t get migraines, they get cluster headaches.
Pretty boy: Go the fuck back to the prairie, Doctor Quinn, Medicine Woman.
–Delancey & Orchard
Overheard by: dj wantwo
Guy #1: I just don’t like the taste of water.
Guy #2: Who doesn’t like water?
Guy #1: Me.
–Palladium, 14th Street
Overheard by: Brian
Man: Why would anyone ever give a clown money?
–76th & 3rd
Overheard by: Val
Girl #1: Coke. Has to be. You don’t lose weight that fast any other way.
Girl #2: I do that sometimes. You know, just to jump start the weight loss.
–Crunch, Lafayette Street
Girl on cell: Holy shit Daddy, I need to get some coke again, I can’t fit into a size 2 anymore!
–Gap dressing room, 34th & 6th
Overheard by: divaliscious
Queer #1: Her tattoo is, like, a mushroom. Like a magic mushroom. On her lower back, like on her ass. But she is thick, man, she has like, spare tires. I mean, I have love handles, but she has spare tires!
Queer #2: Yeah…
Queer #1: It’s like, when she and her friend say they are having a fat day, I just wanna be like, “Girl! You are having a fat week! Or a fat year!” I mean, she is thick!
Queer #2: Yeah…
Queer #1: But really, sometimes I just wanna be like, “Jenna, you do so much coke, how are you still so fat?”
–N train
Overheard by: queenie
AM New York guy: AM New York! AM!
Metro lady: Shaddap!
AM New York guy: AM! AM!
Metro lady: Shaddap! Shaddap! Metro!
–42nd & Park
Overheard by: Jodie Goodnough
AM New York lady: AM New York! They ain’t playin’.
–53rd & 7th
Overheard by: Camodee D
Girl: Did you really fuck that other girl?
Guy: No, not really. She fucked me.
Girl: Oh okay. You’re really an asshole, you know that?
Guy: Sure.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Robert
Girl: So he comes in with this necklace that says, “I’m an asshole”. And I’m, like, how are you? And he says, “I’m an asshole.”
–15th & 8th
Overheard by: boswell
Girl on cell: Hey, how are you? My vagina is sore.
–34th & 3rd
HS boy: Hey, you guys are a bunch of pussies. Do you realize you’re running from a handicapped lady? I mean, I could see if she came at you with a cane or something.
–106th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyle T.
Man on cell: I can’t wait for the naked pussy party.
–Employees Only, Hudson Street
Overheard by: Max T-M
Cop: She ovulates tumbleweeds.
–Ludlow & Delancey
Overheard by: Erin Bradley
Girl on cell: Yeah, I think it’s a yeast infection…yeah…itching. It’s been like a week, though…I’m not going to a gynecologist…I had a bad experience once. I don’t know how much longer I can take it, though.
–6th Avenue & 8th Street
Bag lady: My name is Madge. I am homeless, completely broke. I haven’t eaten in days. I have my period and I am bleeding my clothes now.
–6 train
Girl: Yeah, you’re right. Laughing by yourself just makes you look demented.
–Office, Wall Street
Woman: He doesn’t like people who are deep, and sometimes I’m so deep that I can’t even understand myself. *Sigh*
–American Bible Society lobby, Columbus Circle
Girl: I think Spawn is going through an identity crisis.
–W train
Chick: The problem with a long-distance relationship is that so much of it occurs in the mind. And my mind is insane.
–Belgian Beer Bar, W. 4th Street
Overheard by: djlindee
Woman: This air is so thick I can’t breathe it. It actually will not fit in my nostrils.
–125th Street A/C/B/D station
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy: It’s a beautiful night for global warming.
–Bleecker & Bowery
Man: Isn’t it nice to see so many lesbians out today?
–8th between 18th & 19th
Suit on cell: Hey, guess where I am?…Guess…I’m in Glasgow!
–Carmine & Bleecker
Overheard by: Chris Cotterman
Preppy guy: How am I racist? I’m Irish! I can’t be racist!
–9th Street & 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Miss Hipstah
Woman on cell: My daughter went to Montreal. I was like, “Why do you have to go where the French go? Why couldn’t you just go to Ontario?”
–55th & 3rd
Bag lady: Can I have a quarter? The Irish have taken over the YMCA.
–22nd & 5th
Overheard by: smanikas
Thug: Paisano?…It’s like “my nigga” but in Italian.
–Times Square
Overheard by: KRUD
