Sober girl: Did you know your mother has a penis?
Drunk girl: My mom’s wild!
Sober girl: So did you know?
Drunk girl: It’s great, man, it’s great.
–1 train
Sober girl: Did you know your mother has a penis?
Drunk girl: My mom’s wild!
Sober girl: So did you know?
Drunk girl: It’s great, man, it’s great.
–1 train
Teen girl #1: And they went on a boat trip to see whale sperm.
Teen girl #2: Whale sperm? Are they really big?
–60th & Columbus
Overheard by: James Brummel
Hobo: Hey, are you trying to get laid today?
Chick: No, not today.
Hobo: Well give me your number.
–Union Square
Chick #1: I saw Jared Leto and Lindsay Lohan making out on the street and now she has his band’s symbol or whatever tattooed on her foot. They’re so going out.
Chick #2: Don’t you read the tabloids? That’s old news.
Chick #1: The tabloids said they fucked. Just because they fucked does not mean they’re going out. Look at me; I’ve fucked the whole world and I’m not seeing anyone. This time they’re going out.
Chick #2: Yeah, you are a whore.
–Urban Outfitters, 14th & 6th
Guy #1: I’m not worried about having children. If I’m 50 and I don’t have kids, I will still be happy.
Guy #2: At 50 you could still have kids. You’d just have to knock up a younger woman.
Guy #1: I couldn’t handle being with a women 20 years younger than me. Too much different slang to deal with.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Yeah, that’s the biggest reason I don’t sleep with 70 year olds.
–A train
Lesbian #1: Do you think she’s a trannie?
Lesbian #2: I don’t know. Would you still do her if she was?
Lesbian #1: She’s so hot that it wouldn’t even matter.
Lesbian #2: Then can you let me off the hook for sleeping with that
hermaphrodite?
–Long Island City
Girl: Shit yo, this campaign is like being skullfucked by a Lego man.
–49th & 7th
Girl #1: She’s such a cranky hobag slut.
Girl #2: I love how we call her “slut” and she’s never even had sex with another cat. Ever.
–Williamsburg coffee shop
Queer #1: I think watersports are fun!
Queer #2: Disgusting. I’d never! Oh, please, don’t tell me you’ve ever tried it.
Queer #3: I’m a Jew. What, am I going to deny a guest in my own home?
–Cleo’s, 9th Avenue
Guy #1: Hey man, how was your weekend?
Guy #2: Awesome! Bumped into an old girlfriend…repeatedly.
–N train
