Drugs

My Anti-drug? Wednesday One-liners

Jersey girl: There is no way Anna Nicole lost that weight on TrimSpa. She’s obviously smoking crack.

–4 train

Chick: Yeah, she’s trying to put back on the 10 pounds she lost during her little crack experimentation.

–Rivington & Allen

Overheard by: Josh Mueller

Crackhead: I had never seen anybody smoking crack. I had no idea what it looked like, somebody smoking crack. Until my uncle. And you know, he changed my Pampers.

–Fourth Ave & Dean Street, Brooklyn

Overheard by: sparkle shortz

Long-hair: Yeah, so for my birthday I just got myself a shitload of mescalin. And all I did was sit in my apartment all day, tripping my ass off.

–14th & 8th

Overheard by: debo

Guy: I could have been an astronaut if i didn’t do so many drugs. Why
didn’t anyone tell me?

–Pratt Institute

When Degrassi Becomes Americanized

Chick #1: Look, look, it’s that school. You know they be smokin’ ‘n shit over there!
Chick #2: Yeah, why you think we used to go up in there? I love that school, they be doing X in there ‘n shit. Everybody be chillin’ in da hallways doin’ whateva, makin’ out ‘n shit, you know?
Chick #3: For real?
Chick #2: Why you think we used to hang out there?

–D train

Overheard by: CM

M&M’s Have Some Effect, Fattie

Fat guy #1: She’s blonde…really tall…
Fat guy #2: Who is she?
Fat guy #1: The nanny. But I think she does drugs.
Fat guy #2: Oh yeah? How do you know? Dilated pupils?
Fat guy #1: Yep. But I don’t think she does it a lot. Just on the weekends.
Fat guy #2: Well, if you start taking ’em more than that it’s like eating M&M’s: no effect!
Fat guy #1: Heh, heh.
Fat guy #2: You know, it’s like a toilet. You gotta let the water build up again before you can flush it.

–7 train

Overheard by: Marissa Rich

Your Huddled Masses, Yearning to Be Freak

Girl #1: Sorry I’m late! Brian and I were discussing the logistics of turning my Statue of Liberty figurine into a bong.
Girl #2: It’s always something with you.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Djlindee

Camp David Isn’t Really Rehab

Chick: He keeps checking himself into rehab, but then he gets out and…well, you know all his friends are crackheads.
Guy: That’s pretty funny, actually.
Chick: Yeah, it is!

–N train

The Ultimate Bottom

Older queer: …he ran right past his mother and plunged headfirst out the window. Nineteen stories down.
Younger queer: Oh my god! Was he on anything at the time?
Older queer: His mother said he was. But mothers always say that.

–23rd St. & 8th Ave.

Overheard by: djlindee

“No, you should just get some Coke. Diet.”

Teen girl #1: Noooo! Getting your cooch pierced be a bad idea. You know how much that shit hurts?
Teen girl #2: No shit! That’s why I’m gonna be on E at the time. You think I’m stupid enough to do it sober?

–Columbus Circle station

Overheard by: Djlindee

Giving Smoking a Bad Name

Drunk Guy #1: You’re gonna charge me a dollar for just one cigarette?
Drunk Guy #2: You think I’m gonna fucking give you change?

–46th St. & 8th Ave.

Overheard by: Ryan

Man on cell: I’m going to buy a pack of cigarettes. I’m dying here, you’re literally killing me.

–3rd Ave. & 12th St.

Overheard by: Este Bagato

…and that’s One to Grow On

Middle aged woman: You gots laxatives? Where da laxatives?
Shelfstacker: Laxawhat?
Middle aged woman: Oh yeah, youse too young to know about it, huh? When you gets to my age, you know all about it.

–CVS, 96th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: erra

The Homeless: Like the Circus, But Free!

Hobo #1: Check this out.

He spits something across the car.

Hobo #2: What was that?
Hobo #1: Tooth.
Hobo #2: Nice, nice.

–F train

A junkie hobo walks directly into the store’s window, almost breaking his nose. Seeing this, his homeless buddy responds, rather outraged: Again?!

–Dunkin Donuts, 23rd St. between Broadway & Park

Overheard by: Astrid Vanderpool

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