Manager guy: How did you make those sandwiches so fast?
Sammich guy: Performance-enhancing drugs.
–Subway, 23rd & Madison
Manager guy: How did you make those sandwiches so fast?
Sammich guy: Performance-enhancing drugs.
–Subway, 23rd & Madison
Girl: Who’s playing tonight?
Guy: Coheed and Cambria.
Girl: Oh man, I shouldn’t have done all that acid.
–15th & Irving
Crackhead lady #1: I need to stop, because now I’m looking down the barrel of a monkey.
Crackhead lady #2: I know what you mean. If I wasn’t using all this energy chasing a high, I could use the energy productively, like jumping on a trampoline.
–Morris Park
Dude #1: Hey, I’ve got some Valium if you want.
Dude #2: Nah, that’s a bad idea right before a show.
Girl: Well, I have some laxatives.
Dude #1: No way, remember what happened last time?
Dude #2: That was a really nice bathroom, though.
–F train
Overheard by: Athena
Girl #1: …So let me get this straight: while we were all sitting there, you watched the guy finger the dog’s ass?
Girl #2: Yes.
Girl #1: And what did the dog do?
Girl #2: Nothing. The dog was high.
–Q train
Overheard by: PhilosophyFan
Queer #1: That guy is hot.
Queer #2: Did you notice he was only drinking water?
Queer #1: Yeah, that’s definitely a turnoff.
Queer #2: Well, maybe he’s taking drugs.
Queer #1: I hope so, I hate clean and sober.
–Phoenix, E. 13th Street
Queer: It was my dealer’s fault. If he had coke I would’ve done coke. He only had crystal, so we did crystal.
–Therapy, W. 52nd Street
Preppy guy: I’m hardcore into the drug underground. Drugs and me, we’re like this.
Preppy chick: Drugs and I.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: djlindee
Guy on cell: Dude, I can’t give you a bottle. And he don’t got none, either…dude, I don’t mean no offense, but you know you’re a junkie type, right?…yeah, I hear ya…Fine. Maybe for $20 I can find you something.
–86th between Lexington & 3rd
Lady: So is that why he brought you a Xanax and a sandwich?
–Ludlow & Delancey
Overheard by: Michi Hollydale
Businesslady: I was a meth addict. You know, methadone. I didn’t inject it, though.
–Starbucks, 35th & 8th
Overheard by: wit and whimsy
Girl on cell: So like I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I told my parents that I was on drugs…which, of course, nothing could be further from the truth…yeah, I can blame them for reacting that way!
–77th & Lex
Chick on cell: …I know. He’s so generous with prescriptions. And I keep telling him, “I’m a real pill popper!”
–52nd & Madison
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Chick: If you can get the perfect balance between alcohol and cocaine, then you’ve really hit your peak.
–15th & 5th
Overheard by: Lucy
Woman: So I had to figure out which was cheaper: the drugs or the rehab.
–Kate’s Joint, Avenue B
Queer: God it’s so gross! Gays in there lifting and just sweating all their drugs out…I just don’t go to the gym on mondays; it smells like chemicals!
–15th & 7th
Girl on cell: Yeah, they all call her Vitamin H, can you believe that?…No, no, it’s alcohol that’s the gateway drug. You only want to do coke after you drink.
–2nd Avenue & 10th Street
Guy #1: Man, you gotta do more drugs.
Guy #2: Well I was trying last night.
–19th & 5th
