Drugs

Wednesday One-Liners Should Not Be Taken If You Are Pregnant or Nursing

Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.

–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St

Overheard by: dlr

Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.

–E Train

Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.

–E 14th St

Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.

–NYS Psychiatric Institute

Overheard by: nonrandomerror

Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season -you could tell.

–Oriental Garden

Wednesday One-liners: the Resurrection

Woman: She said she want to make more than 8 dollars. I said, “Honey, you ain’t makin’ no 20 dollars unless you sell drugs.”

–Bowery

Overheard by: Stephanie Emilienburg

Girl on cell: I think the truth is rotting into your brain, that’s why you’re getting migraines.

–Astoria

Overheard by: Rych

Especially Since They’re Largely the Same People

Teen girl: I just realized I have a lot of numbers belonging to teachers and parents of my friends on my phone.
Friend: You’re such a loser.
Teen girl: Well, I also have the numbers of a lot of drug dealers and sketchy older guys I’ve had sex with, so I think the two cancel each other out.

–Horace Mann School

Overheard by: jen

They’re Poets, And Yet… They’re Unaware Of That Fact

Stoner #1: I’m drunk. And I am high.
Stoner #2: I know you are. But… what am I?
Both stoners: Whoa.

–Bleecker & Thompson

It Was Actually–and Properly–a Mime

Tween girl: So my sister got this stuff, called absin…abstin… abstinence. It’s this green stuff, and it’s illegal in America, and her friend drank it and thought he saw a clown.

–Bx7 bus

They Walked–A Lot

Chick: I can never understand how Native Americans stayed in such great shape, and still smoked as much as they did.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: m-co

Whose Life Is It If You're Not There for It? Discuss.

Well-dressed 20-something woman: So yeah, I keep having sex with all these beautiful women, and then I have no memory of it whatsoever…
Well-dressed 20-something man: You're so lucky. I was roofied once, but my friends were with me the whole time. When I went to the doctor and got blood tests and they found Rohypnol in my system, I was like “and I didn't even fucking get laid?” (pause) That was literally my first reaction.

–Bowery & Prince

Overheard by: Sealed Beverage Drinker

Wednesday One-liners Want Sexual Healing

Hipster on cell: You make me so horny I want to split a tab of xstacy and shove it up your ass.

–11th & 2nd

Guy trying to whisper to girlfriend in line: Do not make me freak you this early in the morning.

–Post office, Park Slope

Chick on cell: …so not only am I self-medicating through random sexual encounters…

–In front of Barnes & Noble , Union Square

Overheard by: Carol

Chick to friends: He was like, “Say you love me. Say my name. Say, ‘I love you John*!’ And I was like, “Can we just concentrate on the task at hand, here?”

–Lafayette & Bond

Overheard by: jayloo

They're 100% Cannabis

Guy #1: I don't remember how to sleep anymore, and I don't even do drugs. No cocaine, nothing.
Guy #2: (blank stare)
Guy #1: Well enough about me, how do you like my shoes?

–7th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Peter

Just Like Les Mis!

40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Hey! How's it going?! Where are you from?
40-something regular guy: Seattle. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Newport Beach, California! What are you off to do?
40-something regular guy: Dinner and some drinks with friends. You?
40-something hyperactive preppy/golfer tourist: Me and a buddy are going to take mushrooms and go see Young Frankenstein for the third time! It's hilarious when you're high!

–Elevator, Sheraton Hotel

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