How to Do Laundry, NYC Edition

Woman: Excuse me. I have to put something in my dryer.
Girl folding clothes: Oh, okay.
Woman: Excuse me! I have to put something else in my dryer.
Girl: O-kay…
Woman: Now I have to take something out of my dryer…unbelievable.
Girl: Wow, you’re a case!
Woman: I’m a what?!
Girl: A case. I’ve never seen anybody so worked up over laundry.
Woman: Well, you haven’t lived very long, have you?
Girl: Not as long as you!…Have a nice day!
Woman: Fuck you!

–York Launderette, York Avenue and E. 82nd

Posted on September 28, 2023
Age/Aging, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Anger Management, Biotechs, Clothing, Girls, Insults, Laundromat, Psychology, Upper East Side, Women

Shouldn’t They Be Talking About Sex?

Girl, 4: I have needs, too.
Boy, 4: Your needs? Who cares about your needs? What about my needs?

–M16 bus

Overheard by: Jenny Piston

Posted on August 25, 2023
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Kids, On the Bus

“…and most of my archenemies are cultured.”

Fashion girl: Do you want to go to a talk about The Gates next week?
Fashion guy: Sure, some of my best friends are gates.

–F train

Posted on August 4, 2023
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Fashionistas, On the Subway

Wednesday Hearts One-Liners

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I'm in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don't love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49th & 11th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine's Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says "I love you" like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother-in-law's face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell-o.

–St. John's University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn't fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I'm in love, she's like the whole package! She's pretty, she's fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on April 14, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Colors, Conductors, Food, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White Trash

They're 100% Cannabis

Guy #1: I don't remember how to sleep anymore, and I don't even do drugs. No cocaine, nothing.
Guy #2: (blank stare)
Guy #1: Well enough about me, how do you like my shoes?

–7th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Peter

Posted on May 1, 2022
Alphabet City, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Drugs, Guys, Questions, Shoes

What’s Cooler Than Star Trek? (Besides Everything)

HS Girl: That’s all she talks about. She watches Star Trek, she talks about Star Trek, she gets Star Trek tattoos all over her body.
HS Guy: At least my tattoo is cool.

–4 Train

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Posted on March 15, 2022
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Nerds, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tattoos, Teens

As Close to a Sweet Vignette As OINY Gets

(man with headphones singing out loud moves over so that an elderly couple can sit down together)
Old lady: Thank you.
Man: You are very, very welcome. I’m rappin’ out loud, but I’m a gentleman. I was raised in the streets, but I’m good.

–1 Train

Overheard by: huh?

Posted on September 2, 2020
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Default, Education, Etiquette, Men, Old People, On the Subway, Women

Eventually Monologues Become Dialogues

Girl #1: I love masturbating.
Girl #2: Yeah, I totally love touching my vagina!

–Sultana Hookah Bar

Overheard by: rich

Posted on March 11, 2020
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Bars & Clubs, Girls, Masturbation, Vagina

Sing “We Are the World” and I'll Fucking Kill You

Station agent, fighting with tourist woman over use of unlimited MetroCard: One person! One person only!
Tourist woman: I am only one person!

–W 103rd St

Posted on March 25, 2019
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Clerks, Public Transportation, Stupidity, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

All the Nerd-Boys in Earshot Had a Simultaneous Moment in Their Pants

Cute nerd-girl playing scrabble #1: Did you see that episode where Data made a daughter? It was so good, and so sad!
Cute nerd-girl playing scrabble #2: Yeah, it was.
Cute nerd #1: And do you remember the episode when the little boy idolized data…
Cute nerd #2 interrupting: I remember all the episodes.
Cute nerd #1: But there was this one scene…
Cute nerd #2: I remember that scene.
Cute nerd #1: But I didn’t finish…
Cute nerd #2: I remember all the scenes. Seriously. There was one time when my friend was flipping channels, and she flipped to Star Trek. And I only saw like, a quarter of a second of it, with Dr Crusher bending over a patient, and I said, “‘his blood is turning to some kind of liquid polymer.'” and then Dr Crusher said, “His blood is turning to some kind of liquid polymer!” It’s like when some people hear like 3 seconds of a song and can identify it. I can do that with Star Trek.

–Starbucks, 2nd & 9th

Posted on January 14, 2019
Always Bringing it Back to You!, Compliments, Default, Girls, Nerds, Questions, Starbucks, TV, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Always Bringing it Back to You!