Drunk dude: I’ve always wanted a pet bee. You know? That would be so cool. To have a pet bee. I’d take it for a walk every day and show it to the neighbors. And they’d be so amazed that I had a pet bee!
Guy #1: How would you take a bee for a walk?
Drunk dude: I’d tie a little string around its neck. Like a leash, you know?
Guy #2: I didn’t know that bees had a neck.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Eric Roitman
Teen boy #1: When I get drunk and high, I get angry. When I get drunk, I get loud. When I get high, I get tired.
Teen boy #2: I can’t believe you expect me to dignify that with a response.
Teen boy #1: I don’t.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Shannon Bowman-Sarkisian
B&T Girl #1: He is so “not Westchester.”
B&T Girl #2: I know!
B&T Girl #3: I don’t get it. I’ve been here a year and I don’t get that. And what is or who is “the bridge and tunnel crowd”? Is it a good thing that those guys called us “bridge and tunnel crowd” when we walked in?
B&T Girl #1: Eww.
B&T Girl #2: Gross.
B&T Girl #1: Ew, oh there is so no way anyone called me bridge and tunnel.
B&T Girl #3: So that’s bad?
B&T Girl #2: What could be worse?
–Metro-North
Girl on cell: You know, you ought to cancel your July 4th party and make it happen on July 16th so I can crash…What do you mean, July 4th only happens once? July 16th could be July 4th. Just buy some illegal fireworks, put on some American pops orchestral music, and barbeque some chicken, and there you go…I’m sure our forefathers were still celebrating on July 16th. They were probably wasted off of their asses!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Megan C.
Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties?
–1st Avenue & 10th Street
Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?
–47th & 9th
Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any.
–Brooklyn Heights
Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know.
–F train
Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger?
–LIRR
Overheard by: CMichaels
Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
The train door squeaks constantly.
Fat guy: That’s what it sounds like in my bedroom!
Old lady: Yeah, before you get home from work.
–Metro-North train
Black guy on cell: Yeah, man, you know. I don’t do that stuff no more, y’know what I’m sayin’? I used to, but I leave all that stuff in the past. I know where it’s all at, though, in case I have to go back to it, I can, y’know? I can still work it so if they fuck up, someone ain’t gonna see they momma in the mornin’, y’know?
–Metro North train
Overheard by: Mike Sidoti
Little girl, 3: Daddy, can we hear about Pythagoras again?
–116th Street station
Overheard by: djlindee
A blonde bumpkin boy stared silently at the heavily tatooed skinhead for 10 minutes before he made his observation: You know what you are? You’re a human doodle pad!
–PATH train to Hoboken
Overheard by: Margo Channing
Wife: Just give me the whole chicken.
Hubby: The what?
Wife: I asked for the whole chicken and that’s what I wanted. Is that too much to ask?
Hubby: What were you going to do with a whole chicken?
Wife: …it’s just principle.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: B.E.
