JAP #1, after #2 took her picture: Ugh! Doesn’t the camera add 50 pounds?!
JAP #2: No, I changed it so it wouldn’t do that anymore.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
JAP #1, after #2 took her picture: Ugh! Doesn’t the camera add 50 pounds?!
JAP #2: No, I changed it so it wouldn’t do that anymore.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Jesus Jon
Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he's like, "So, do you want to be my girlfriend?"
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: simon
Middle school girl to boy: I don't normally get with sixth graders, but you're different…
–10th St & 1st Ave
Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you're bitching about', I know that you are not actually listening to me.
–Riverside Park
Guy on cell: I don't treat you quite as bad as you say.
–Amtrak
Overheard by: Flooey
Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don't you scream like that for me?
–The Colbert Report Set
Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said "I think you should see other people."
–Park Ave & 29th St
Overheard by: petey
Litte girl: Why do they always do that?
Mother: Because they don’t think outside the box.
Little girl, after a pause: What does the box look like?
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Emilio Lizardo
(two obese out-of-towners take up four seats on the subway)
Fat man #1: They should really make these seats for Americans.
Fat man #2: The problem with these trains is that they're built in Canada with a Japanese design.
–Grand Central Shuttle
Overheard by: Porky Pig
Man with bottle of booze in paper bag: Is that a machine gun or a bomb?
Boy with guitar: No, I'm just carrying my guitar.
–Train to Penn Station
Overheard by: Marcy
Teenager: I don't know if I would wear a fur coat, ever.
Friend: I know I would, just as long as it wasn't raccoon…raccoons are just gross.
Hobo with heavy Russian accent: In mother Russia raccoon wear you!
–LIRR
30-something guy: Have you ever shot an AK-47?
40-something girl: Oh my god, yes!
30-something guy: How did it feel?
40-something girl: Pulling that trigger… It's amazing.
30-something guy: Getting punched in the face hurts. Have you ever gotten punched in the face?
40-something girl: Yes! When did you?
30-something guy: It was one of those “wrong place at the wrong time” situations… I was on the corner of this street and all of a sudden someone just came up and started punching me. It hurt really badly. Have you ever tried punching a bird?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Francesca
Puerto Rican Mets fan in day parade, singing: "Aye girl, lemme smell yo feet, aye girl lemme smell yo feet, oooh oooh oooh, lemme smell yo feet."
–Union Square
Egg-shaped man with cane, singing to the tune of "What a Wonderful World": I see little boys, and little girls, they have good parents, but they get screwed up anyway… And I think to myself, I love the babies…
–L Train
Large woman, to the tune of "We Are All One Body": "We ain't with no retards! We man's chil'ren of the world!" (female friend sits across from her) I wish I could fuck every girl in the world!
–Metro-North Rail
Thug, dressed top to toe in Ed Hardy gear, singing in Eva Gabor accent: "Dahling I love you but give me Park Avenue!"
–51st St & Park Ave
Boy in hallway, singing: "Don't want to close my eyes, don't wanna fall… (laughter from inside closed apartment) Heh-heh… Shutthefuckup!
–NYU Dorm
Girl #1: You know that guy she is with? He's not homeless, but he just got off the homeless track, you know?
Girl #2: Yeah, she's like his little helper.
–Metro North Rail
Snooty female 30-something to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: ianbobian
Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake-ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I'm like "you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!"
–60th St & Broadway
Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you're going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Really!?!?
Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you're done entertaining the fake Jews.
–Cafe, Church & Walker
Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I'd have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?
–Hester & Mott
Overheard by: Jensel
