Fat People

Fat black chick: I can’t come when I’m having regular sex.
Skinny black chick: Why not?
Fat black chick: I don’t know. It just doesn’t happen.
Skinny black chick: Maybe the guy sucks.
Fat black chick: And I have a sensitive clit, too.
Skinny black chick: He definitely ain’t hittin it right. Maybe you should get rid of that punk ass bitch.

–46th St. & 8th Ave.

JHS girl: I’ll be damned if I let a seventh-grader ruin my reputation.

–8th Ave. playground

Sweaty fat man on cell: I would feel stupid if I were in a diabetic coma.

–8th Ave. between 21st & 22nd

Player: Yo, I ain’t banged a fat bitch in a while.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Big woman: He looks like a bean…he has no ass!

–Kate Spade, Broome St.

Overheard by: wermice

Skinny construction worker: All I know is…
Obese construction worker: I told you I don’t wanna hear it!
Skinny construction worker: Listen, I’m just gonna say this once, and I’ll let it go.
Obese construction worker: I said I don’t wanna hear it!
Skinny construction worker: Nobody, and I mean nobody, should sweat when they eat. There, I said it!

–McDonald’s, Wall St

Overheard by: Robert

Fat lady walking Pit Bull: The cop told me I have to put a muzzle on my dog.
Friend: Are you?
Fat lady: Hell no. Does my dog look like he’s into kinky shit?!

–115th & Broadway

Overheard by: nassah

Fat Chick: Thank God. Cheryl! It’s the Golden Arches!

–Bus Entering Port Authority

Hobo: Beep. Beep. Beep.
Fat woman: Stop it!
Hobo: Beep. Beep. Beep.

–9th between 37th & 38th

Skinny, black charity mugger: Hey, look at you! Help feed the homeless!
Chubby white chick: No, sorry.
Skinny, black chugger: You, feed the homeless!
Chubby white chick: Sorry, no thanks, I’m late.
Skinny, black chugger: You big enough to feed the homeless!

–Broadway & 10th

Overheard by: booksandlibretti

20-something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson's "Rock with You" plays on the radio: Did you hear he's sick? Apparently, he's in the hospital. I know, it's crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that'll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!

–Pet Food Store

Overheard by: Nathalie

Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?

–8th & Broadway

Man, lighting cigarette: So what'd he die from? A sunburn?

–Chambers St. & West Broadway

Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.

–MacDougal & 8th St

Nine-year-old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.

–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown

Overheard by: Lauren T.

Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can't be, they're white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.

–Delancey & Essex

Chubby girl: I just went to the zoo!
Homely friend: Without me?
Chubby girl: I saw the seals! They looked like our offspring!

–Tasti D-Lite, 3rd Ave, UES

Overheard by: alexandra