Crazies

Crazy guy: They have millions of dollars! But they’re mongoloids! They have more money than New York City! But they’re mongoloids! Put it at the top of your list! They have more money than New York State! But they’re mongoloids!

–G train

Overheard by: Stephie Russell

Crazy Hasid: Who are the three greatest Jewish lawyers of all time? Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Roy Cohen, Johnny Cochran, Alan Dershowitz. Who are the three greatest doctors of all time? Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Dr. Dolittle, Alan Dershowitz.

–F train

Overheard by: bluesdog

Jewess on cell: You know, I love Great Neck, but I don’t know. I have to consider it. I’m not super Jewish and he’s not super Jewish. And you know how Jews are. They can be nice to non-Jews, but they can be caustic to other Jews.

–Union Square

Lady: I just don’t get smoking, or people who smoke…smoking and bacon; I don’t get it.

–UWS elevator

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other.

Hobo: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter?

He sprays the windex.

Hobo: Or Spring?

He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.

Japanese girl: Spring!
Hobo: You are correct.

–F train

Overheard by: Pete Johnson

Woman: Don’t let your personal freedoms infringe on other people’s rights!
Girl: Who is she talking to?…Holy shit, I love crazy people.

–40th & Broadway

Yuppie chick #1: Pork, it’s the other other white meat.
Yuppie chick #2: No you idiot, that’s baby. Pork is just the other white meat.

–Bryant Park

Bald spot chick: I’m bipolar, depressed, and I have a personality disorder, but the doctor says if I quit pulling out my hair he’ll change me from twenty-four medicines to nineteen.

–Broadway & 51st

Woman: I don’t care how blind you are, you gotta cover your ears when that happens.

–23rd & 7th

Woman: There aren’t enough websites for club-thumbs on the internet.

–Midtown office

A guy pops his gum.

An older woman stands up and yells: Do you think I don’t hear you? I’ve asked several times, who is popping their gum, and everyone looks around, and it was you! You can’t do that in a public place! It’s a violent sound! Now, will you be able to control yourself, or will I have to run away from you?

–Penn Station

Tourist: You can tell it’s raining because everybody here has umbrellas.

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Joel Guilbert

Nut: I have powers, she has powers, and she knows that I have powers!

–Astor Place

Man: I never met a necrophiliac, but my friend met one at Bellevue.

–La Grolla, UWS

Crazy guy: I have fallen off the earth and been plastered to the moon! But I’m back.
Cellmate: Uh huh.
Crazy guy: It’s hard to piss out your stomach when they’re tracking
your shoes.
Cellmate: Yup.

–Central booking, Centre Street

Overheard by: the holding cell across from them

Crazy woman to mother of laughing baby: He likes me! At least you know he ain't gonna be gay!

–14th St & Ave B