Security guy: You missed all the action!
Tailor guy: You mean the guy who defecated in the dressing room and then ran around here wearing just his shoes and a sweater? I’m the one who called you about it, young man! I was hiding over by the
stairs. Did you kick him out?
Security guy: No…you see, he’s not “all there” in the head.
Tailor guy: Really? He looked quite sane to me!
–Syms, Trinity Place
Overheard by: Ben Lunsford
Crazy guy: Fresh! I been made for this. Apostrophes don’t count.
–C train
Hobo: Do you have the time?
Guy: Quarter past seven.
Hobo: Do you think we’ll make it?
Guy: To where?
Hobo: To wherever we’re going.
Guy: Yes.
–D train
Overheard by: Dan Cunningham
Crazy lady: We are ready to explain! She, however, will be with the dog…What do you think about that walker-talker? Why don’t you go walk and talk!”
–F train
Overheard by: Oh Miss Lauren
Crazy man: Why do blondes only hang out with other blondes? Why do blondes only hang out with other blonds? Why do blonds only hang out with other blonds?
Chick: Shut up.
Crazy man: Hey Blondie, I wasn’t asking you.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Thompson Patton
Hobo: I am the king, bow down before me…The president of the United States is a retarded fuck. American people don’t care about life. Why fight for America? Fuck sending a bunch of people over there to kill and be killed. It’s ridiculous. Bush thinks it’s okay. He’s the dictator, he’s the bad man. If I ever get my hands on him, I’m gonna torture his ass. I’ll cut his dick off. I’ll take a pipe from the fireplace and stick it up his ass. I’m the king. I’ll always be the king. I say this…Don’t ever believe America. America is godless. The people are full of shit. Anyone who goes to war for America has got to be out their motherfuckin’ mind.
–Central Park
Overheard by: psd
Two guys and a girl are walking down a street when a strange man sitting in an office chair rolls toward them.
Chair guy: Ah, this girl got two boyfriends! Mmm…Can a black man join the club? Can…a black man….join the club. Join the club.
–4th & Jane
Overheard by: marissa
Crazy guy: Ma’am, say, who’s your favorite James Bond? Hello? Is anyone listening to me? I said, who is your favorite James Bond? Oh fuck this! I’ll just mark it down as another George Lazenby. Fuck.
–Port Authority
Food cart man: Would like some chicken, miss?
Random crazy lady: Yes, I’ll have some Gatorade.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: Kathy I.
A crazy man takes out a whole frozen fish from his bag and bangs it on the side of the bus repeatedly.
Crazy man #2: You should pretend that’s the mayor.
–M23 bus
Overheard by: Erika Strum
