Nice People

Black New Yorker guy and two white tourist ladies have a lengthy conversation about different places to visit in NYC.

Black guy: Okay, ladies, this is my stop. Bye!
White tourist lady #1: Bye! Have a great day! [To friend, as man departs at Astor Place] I didn’t feel threatened by him at all. He was actually a very nice man.

–6 train

Stranger to six‐year‐old girl who is one dollar short when paying: Hey there, sweetheart! I will pay that last dollar for you. Don’t you worry.
Girl: No! You are fat!

–Dylan’s Candy Bar

Overheard by: Acrown

Guy to male friend: We believe that the better you look, the more spiritual you are.

–1st St & 5th Ave., Brooklyn

Overheard by: PrairieSquid

Man collecting money for the homeless: Come on guys, I’m way too pretty to be homeless.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dara

Middle‐aged African American male, with a blue NY Giants baseball cap on, and a fur coat: I’m pretty… I’m pretty… I’m pretty

–59th St Subway Station

Overheard by: nickporjr

Bum: Hey pretty! Hey pretty!
[Pretty girl coughs violently and sneezes at the same time.]Bum: Feel better, pretty.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Middle‐aged, Chelsea‐fit white guy on iPhone: Well, neither you nor any of your sisters were the beauty that I was…

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Sean

Middle‐aged man: You know who was good‐looking? Stalin, when he was younger. He was so dashing!

–104th & West End

Overheard by: communist!

Suit #1: Whoa! Check out that hooker.
Suit #2: That’s not a hooker, that’s a dancer.
Suit #1, laughing: How can you tell the difference?
Nearby woman: That’s just rude. That girl isn’t a prostitute.
Suit #1: Who the hell are you, her mother?

–53rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Bella

Tourist to another: Ummm, we’re on Hew‐stin. How do we get to–
Passerby: –Dude, it’s pronounced How-ston, not ‘Hew‐stin.’ You better say it right, or someone else who’s not as nice as me will beat you up.

–Houston & Broadway

Man #1: You dropped your glove, sir.
Man #2: That’s how they caught O.J. Simpson, man!

–34th between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Queenie

Suit: Hey, do you have a light?
Polite Englishman: Sorry, I don’t smoke.
Suit: I asked for a light, not your fucking life story.

–Times Square

Overheard by: English, not polite

New Yorker: So, having a romantic evening in New York?
Tourist: Yeah… I went sex toy shopping last night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: laughing awkwardly

Shop guy: Well, I can help you if you want.
Old guy with carton of figs: Don’t help me! Do it for me, dammit!

–75th & Broadway

Overheard by: punkee

Foreigner: Excusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 holding steamed milk: No. You ordered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
Foreigner, holding drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Order a fuckin’ latte, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour yourself some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!

Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the customer some milk.

Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valentine’s Day — don’t you get emotional. It’s some other holiday. Hell, it’s Christmas. [To customer] Here you go, sir! Merry Christmas!

–Starbucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave