Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!
–Broadway at City Hall
Overheard by: Darrin
Charity volunteer: Would you like to sponsor this child?
Grumpy man: I got three kids at home, and besides, I never even met this bastard!
–Broadway at City Hall
Overheard by: Darrin
Woman blocking sidewalk for filming: Please wait two minutes. Just two minutes.
Woman barging through crowd: I didn't know this was a congregation area! (curses at woman blocking crowd)
Polite girl: Since the asshole got through, can the nice people go through?
–Bleecker St
Woman walking against massive subway crowd: Woah, this is fun. Hey, everybody!
Man, after passing her: Fuck you, lady.
–Lorimer Stop
Overheard by: richhorner.com
Hobo: Hey, you got any money?
Nice lady: I don’t have any change, but I can give you some on my way out, or get you something to eat.
Hobo: I’ll take the money. But don’t worry, I ain’t gonna use it to buy booze or drugs.
Nice lady: As far I am concerned, you can use the money for whatever you want.
Hobo: Whoa, lady! That’s way too liberal for me.
–Outside health food store, Brooklyn
Man sitting down: Your fly is open.
Cop: What?
Man: Your fly is open.
Cop, looking down: Hey, I’m going to the jail and I got my nuts hangin’ out! Thanks, man.
Man: Sure, no problem.
–7 train, 46th St, Woodside
Overheard by: Didn’t see his nuts…
Guy looking like Steven Wozniak circa 1980s: Look at the size of this tea bag compared to the size of my cup.
Homely little house on the prairie girl: I swear my great aunt has the biggest tea bags known to man. You can soak those things for hours and they still won’t shrivel.
–Perch Diner
Overheard by: brandon the short texan tourist
Conductor, speaking in a robot voice: Watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch… Sorry, my finger fell off the button. Watch the gap.
–LIRR
Train conductor: This is a Brooklyn-bound A experience to Lefferts boulevard. Have an optimistic day!
–A Train
Overheard by: soothed passenger
Conductor, in droll voice: For the fifteenth million time, there is train traffic ahead.
–1 Train
Conductor: This is 207th street, the last and final stop. Please collect all your personal belongings and leave the train. Goodnight and happy wabbit season.
–A Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Conductor: Thank you for riding on the C line, the best subway line in the whole, wide world.
–C Train
Overheard by: traPt
Conductor: If you want to get off at South Ferry, please go to the first five cars of the train. All passengers getting off at South Ferry, please move along the platform to the first five cars of the train. Yes, the front of the train is the direction the train was moving.
–1 Train
Conductor: We apologize for the delay, but this happens on the weekends. For info on service changes log onto www.mta.info. If you don’t have a computer, watch NY1, if you don’t have a TV, listen to 1010 Wins, if you don’t have a radio, call 718-330-1234, if you don’t have a phone, go home and wait for a miracle.
–N Train
Overheard by: subway rider
Tourist, tapping man on shoulder: Excuse me sir, would you mind pointing me to the Empire State Building, please?
Man, pointing at the sky: See that building? The shiny big one, with all the pretty lights? Walk straight towards it.
Tourist: Thank you, my good man!
–Downing St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Emma
Guy: Do you know that you have a cup of coffee on your roof?
Driver guy: Merry Christmas from Starbucks!
–Park Place & Church
Overheard by: Dirt “Chainsaw” Dog
Lady #1: Can you move?
Lady #2: I ain’t movin’ my cart! You shoulda waited for the next fucking train!
Lady #1: What? Do you care more about people or your cart?
Lady #2: Ma cart, bitch!
Lady #1: …No, you are the bitch!
Lady #2: That’s right, you da bitch!
Lady #1: This is my first train ride, this is fun!…And I learned a new word!
Man: Happy holidays, everyone!
–1 train
Woman #1: So she says, “I don’t want to celebrate Christmas.”
Woman #2: What, she worships the Devil now?
Woman #1: Yeah, I think so.
-Surprise Surprise, 3rd Avenue
Overheard by: Kat
A woman is throwing up on the street. Another woman comes to her aid.
Florence Nightingale: Are you OK?
Pukerella: No, that’s OK. I just got somethin’ stuck in my throat.
–Teachers College, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Derek Bacharach
