Nice People

Guy looking like Steven Wozniak circa 1980s: Look at the size of this tea bag compared to the size of my cup.
Homely little house on the prairie girl: I swear my great aunt has the biggest tea bags known to man. You can soak those things for hours and they still won’t shrivel.

–Perch Diner

Overheard by: brandon the short texan tourist

Conductor, speaking in a robot voice: Watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch… Sorry, my finger fell off the button. Watch the gap.


Train conductor: This is a Brooklyn-bound A experience to Lefferts boulevard. Have an optimistic day!

–A Train

Overheard by: soothed passenger

Conductor, in droll voice: For the fifteenth million time, there is train traffic ahead.

–1 Train

Conductor: This is 207th street, the last and final stop. Please collect all your personal belongings and leave the train. Goodnight and happy wabbit season.

–A Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Conductor: Thank you for riding on the C line, the best subway line in the whole, wide world.

–C Train

Overheard by: traPt

Conductor: If you want to get off at South Ferry, please go to the first five cars of the train. All passengers getting off at South Ferry, please move along the platform to the first five cars of the train. Yes, the front of the train is the direction the train was moving.

–1 Train

Conductor: We apologize for the delay, but this happens on the weekends. For info on service changes log onto If you don’t have a computer, watch NY1, if you don’t have a TV, listen to 1010 Wins, if you don’t have a radio, call 718-330-1234, if you don’t have a phone, go home and wait for a miracle.

–N Train

Overheard by: subway rider

Tourist, tapping man on shoulder: Excuse me sir, would you mind pointing me to the Empire State Building, please?
Man, pointing at the sky: See that building? The shiny big one, with all the pretty lights? Walk straight towards it.
Tourist: Thank you, my good man!

–Downing St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Emma

Guy: Do you know that you have a cup of coffee on your roof?
Driver guy: Merry Christmas from Starbucks!

–Park Place & Church

Overheard by: Dirt “Chainsaw” Dog

Lady #1: Can you move?
Lady #2: I ain’t movin’ my cart! You shoulda waited for the next fucking train!
Lady #1: What? Do you care more about people or your cart?
Lady #2: Ma cart, bitch!
Lady #1: …No, you are the bitch!
Lady #2: That’s right, you da bitch!
Lady #1: This is my first train ride, this is fun!…And I learned a new word!
Man: Happy holidays, everyone!

–1 train

Woman #1: So she says, “I don’t want to celebrate Christmas.”
Woman #2: What, she worships the Devil now?
Woman #1: Yeah, I think so.

-Surprise Surprise, 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Kat

A woman is throwing up on the street. Another woman comes to her aid.

Florence Nightingale: Are you OK?
Pukerella: No, that’s OK. I just got somethin’ stuck in my throat.

–Teachers College, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: Derek Bacharach

Male employee: Thank you, and have a nice day!
Female employee: It’s night time, you say have a good night. See the dark outside?

–McDonald’s, Saint Mark’s Place

Good Samaritan, rushing in: Chad told me to ask you for your first aid kit. Do you know Chad? Some lady got hit by a taxi!
Cashier: Yeah, he's our boss.
(they leave with kit, cook returns a few minutes later)
Cook: Yo, Chad's a hero. That woman's head was in a pool of blood. She's gonna need more than that first aid kit.
Cashier: It would be a guy named Chad who stops to help someone laying in the street. Most people see that and say “Yo, I gotta get to work.” You never see an Omar or Carlos stop to help someone. It would be a guy named Chad!

–Zen Burger, 45th & Lexington

Overheard by: – My friend Chad is serving in Iraq and is a hero too!

Young woman: Do you need help crossing the street?
Elderly woman: No. It's fucking red.

–96th & Broadway

Overheard by: Meghan

Hobo: I'm so hungry. I ain't eaten nothing since yesterday.
Kind-hearted woman: Here, take the other half of this sandwich.
Hobo: Sorry, I don't eat carbs. Those shits don't do nothing but make you fat.

–Ditmars & 31st, Astoria

Overheard by: Allison

Shop owner: Would you care to taste some wine?
Black woman (offended): No, I ain't tastin' no wine!

–Liquor Store, Brooklyn

Overheard by: thirsty wino