Subway stations, platforms, etc.

Somewhere, Marcel Duchamp is Chortling

Guy #1: How was it?
Guy #2: It was cool. Paris was fun, except for a few days we spent at museums…We went one day to this place…The Love or something…I guess it was all right. There were definitely a lot of people there…Julie was freaking out about this one painting, though.
Guy #1: What painting?
Guy #2: The Mona Lisa.
Guy #1: …huh. Don’t think I know it…I’m not really an art person though.
Guy #2: Yeah, I didn’t know it either. It’s by Michelangelo I think. But I didn’t really get it…it’s really small.

–Union Square station

Overheard by: Stephanie Porto

No, He’s Saying You’re Fat

Guy: I think your soul would taste awesome.
Chick: Are you saying I’m a bad person?

–1 train

Overheard by: djlindee

Hate is a Strong Word, Wednesday One-liners

Mom: I’d hate to drop dead of a heart attack, but I’d rather it be at Six Flags.

–W train

Depends on How Much Axle Grease You Put on It

Conductor: Good news for riders going local. This train is not going express, as previously announced, but going local, like normal. If there’s such a thing as normal…Questions? Comments? Suggestions? See your conductor, located in the center of the train. Don’t just walk around confused. Ask me! I know! Usually…Just a reminder to turn those frowns upside-down. Smiling burns more calories!
Guy: Giving the finger to the conductor burns calories, too.

–R train

Overheard by: Dawn

There’s a Twilight Zone Episode Here

Girl: That’s weird. I’m on the subway and my cell phone rang.
Guy: We’re on the bridge.
Girl: Oh shit! I was supposed to get off at Canal Street!

–Q train

Overheard by: David

Guy: This station needs to be named Hell.

–Canal Street station

Overheard by: Nic

After the Hand Roll, She’s Going to Cut Him into 6 Pieces

White woman: Are you available?
Teen Japanese boy: I’m sorry?
White woman: Are you…available?
Teen Japanese boy: Available for what?
White woman: You know…available?
Teen Japanese boy: Sorry, this is my stop.

–F train

Overheard by: Heather Red

I’m Sure That #6 Has More Information

Girl #1: So after we go to the MOMA, we’ll go to the Village and do some shopping–
Girl #2: What’s this “Village” you keep talking about? Is it far away?

–96th Street 1/2/3 station

iPod iPerils: A Public Service Announcement

A white girl listening to her iPod snaps to attention, horrified, as the conducter announces the stop at 135th Street.

White girl: Oh my God! Where am I?

–2 train

Overheard by: emilie

Just Hold On for One More Day, Carnie

Fat chick: I said excuse me!
Fatter chick: Ya, well, you were up my ass for the last 5 minutes.
Fat chick: Ya I want to be up that fat ass!
Fatter chick: Shall I follow you to Queens? Shall I? Some of us can afford to live on 60th Street.

–59th Street station

Teenage Mutant Ninja Salmonella Isn’t Very “Safe”

Guy #1: Keep your wallet in your front pocket, dude.
Guy #2: This city would be so much safer if there really were Ninja Turtles.

–A train

Overheard by: Jake Glazier

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