Mom: I’d hate to drop dead of a heart attack, but I’d rather it be at Six Flags.
–W train
Mom: I’d hate to drop dead of a heart attack, but I’d rather it be at Six Flags.
–W train
Conductor: Good news for riders going local. This train is not going express, as previously announced, but going local, like normal. If there’s such a thing as normal…Questions? Comments? Suggestions? See your conductor, located in the center of the train. Don’t just walk around confused. Ask me! I know! Usually…Just a reminder to turn those frowns upside-down. Smiling burns more calories!
Guy: Giving the finger to the conductor burns calories, too.
–R train
Overheard by: Dawn
Girl: That’s weird. I’m on the subway and my cell phone rang.
Guy: We’re on the bridge.
Girl: Oh shit! I was supposed to get off at Canal Street!
–Q train
Overheard by: David
Guy: This station needs to be named Hell.
–Canal Street station
Overheard by: Nic
White woman: Are you available?
Teen Japanese boy: I’m sorry?
White woman: Are you…available?
Teen Japanese boy: Available for what?
White woman: You know…available?
Teen Japanese boy: Sorry, this is my stop.
–F train
Overheard by: Heather Red
Girl #1: So after we go to the MOMA, we’ll go to the Village and do some shopping–
Girl #2: What’s this “Village” you keep talking about? Is it far away?
–96th Street 1/2/3 station
A white girl listening to her iPod snaps to attention, horrified, as the conducter announces the stop at 135th Street.
White girl: Oh my God! Where am I?
–2 train
Overheard by: emilie
Fat chick: I said excuse me!
Fatter chick: Ya, well, you were up my ass for the last 5 minutes.
Fat chick: Ya I want to be up that fat ass!
Fatter chick: Shall I follow you to Queens? Shall I? Some of us can afford to live on 60th Street.
–59th Street station
Guy #1: Keep your wallet in your front pocket, dude.
Guy #2: This city would be so much safer if there really were Ninja Turtles.
–A train
Overheard by: Jake Glazier
Crazy lady: I hate my fucking mother and I want to kill her. I want to watch her bleed. She is a fat lazy bitch. She was nothing but a container!
Guy: God will not forgive you if you kill your mother. Can you also keep it down please?
–PATH train
Overheard by: JMK
Girl: Stop staring, pervert.
Guy: You ain’t all that hot.
Girl: I am not a hamburger! You can’t eat me!
–3 train
Overheard by: Jose
