God Squad

Charity mugger: Hey, you girls like puppies, right?
Girl #1: I hate puppies.
Charity mugger: Umm, well you want to help the Katrina victims, right?
Girl #1: I hate Southerners.
Girl #2: New Orleans was a place of sin. Good riddance.

–Brooklyn Bridge‐City Hall station

Jesus freak: Before you make love to your wife, you must make love to God.
Blonde: Ewww!

–2 train

Overheard by: invid

Old man with sign reading “sinners without faith are going to hell”: Do you know where you’re going?
Hot girl: Yeah, old man…I’m going shopping.

–W 53rd St

Overheard by: Melissa Platt

[On Ash Wednesday]Female pastor: Come get ashy for Jesus, no credit, bad credit, God don’t care. Come get your blessing! Free Jesus with all ash.
Daily newspaper hawker: Daily News, 50 cents, Jesus for free!

–Fordham Rd & Jerome Ave

Italian man: It seems Americans can’t spell, like they don’t even have command of their own language.
Muslim woman wearing a burqa: Why should anyone learn to spell when all you have to do to get ahead in this country is show some crack? …if you know what I mean.

–Tillies, Brooklyn

Little girl: Mommy, look at the fishes!
Mother: You know where all these creatures come from?
Girl: Jesus?
Mother: You betcha.

–New York Aquarium, Coney Island

Overheard by: Swear I’m not listening…

Evangelist outside gym: You want to be a macho man? Look at Jesus!

–Broadway & Prince

Street evangelist on microphone: Y’all ever see two female pigeons in bed together?

–Fordham Plaza

Very agitated priest: Jesus was a zygote once – what if Mary aborted him?

–St. Luke’s Church, Whitestone

Crazy subway evangelist: If god could make me a good crackhead, you best believe he could make me a good preacher.

–E Train

Overheard by: Giggling at crack

Preacher: And that’s why your religion is null and void.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alfie

Observant girl, pointing at something on the sidewalk: Is that an animal?
Downright perceptive guy: No. That’s a pair of pants.

–1st & 1st

Overheard by: Peter Horan

Old black lady: Oh lord, Satan’s children are walking the streets
Goth kid: Shut the fuck up, Rosa Parks. Go sit in the back of the fucking bus!

–M86 bus

Overheard by: Metal Martyr

Orthodox man #1, seeing man walk by dressed as Jesus: Jesus! [He and his posse begin to chase Jesus.]Orthodox man #2: You are not the son of God!

–Washington Square Park