Christianity

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o‐n‑g.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange‐red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smoking pot, you don’t want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don’t want me chewing gum and now you don’t like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It’s me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you’re smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I’m serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can’t see anymore and then I’ll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn’t smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he’s like, “So, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: simon

Middle school girl to boy: I don’t normally get with sixth graders, but you’re different…

–10th St & 1st Ave

Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you’re bitching about’, I know that you are not actually listening to me.

–Riverside Park

Guy on cell: I don’t treat you quite as bad as you say.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: Flooey

Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don’t you scream like that for me?

–The Colbert Report Set

Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said “I think you should see other people.”

–Park Ave & 29th St

Overheard by: petey

Guy, looking at Greek marble sculptures: Hey, did you ever notice that a lot of these guys are missing their penises?
Girl: I think that has to do with early Christian sanctions on pagan idols.
Guy: Oh. (pauses) I thought someone out there just had a really big dildo collection.

–The Met

Girl #1: Did you hear Nicole has to be topless?
Girl #2: That’s okay, I’m a nun!

–9th & Broadway

Girl: …but it’s not like you have to be really religious to be a nun anyway, right?

–Clara Barton High, Crown Heights

Loud teenage guidette: He doesn’t date!
Ugly teenage guidette: Yeah, he’s gay or something. I heard — yeah.
Loud teenage guidette: No, no, he’s protestant — like religious. They worship this Chinese guy…
Ugly teenage guidette: Oh, I heard about that! They don’t date?
Loud teenage guidette: They don’t date white people.

–Starbucks

Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.

–1 Train

Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I’d get a plane ticket right now, but it’d be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Oliver

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20‐something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thompson

Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!

–Union Square

Chick: I think the angel is an appropriate icon for me.
Guy: I think ben‐wa balls may have been more appropriate.

–1 train

Overheard by: djlindee

Old man with sign reading “sinners without faith are going to hell”: Do you know where you’re going?
Hot girl: Yeah, old man…I’m going shopping.

–W 53rd St

Overheard by: Melissa Platt

Son having tantrum: I don’t want to go to the park! (throws his coat on the ground)
Father: Did you just take your coat off? I’m going to tell the Virgin Mary you’re not wearing your coat, and then you know it will get back to Santa!

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: canvasser