Tween thug #1: The Bible crazy…how you gonna contradict a book
that contradict itself?
Tween thug #2: You just gotta decide for yo’self which came first,
the people or the dinosaurs.
–R Train
Tween thug #1: The Bible crazy…how you gonna contradict a book
that contradict itself?
Tween thug #2: You just gotta decide for yo’self which came first,
the people or the dinosaurs.
–R Train
Guy: Wait. You lived 20 minutes from the Amish all the time…like they were there all the time?
Girl: Yeah. What do you mean?
Guy: I dunno. I thought they were out following the buffalo or something.
–Washington Square Diner, W. 4th Street
Junk shop owner: No coffee?
Lady #1: We’ll have coffee tomorrow. Thursday.
Junk shop owner: Coffee at Starbucks is $5. Special coffee. Why don’t you go to your house, then your house, and your house?
Lady #2: Why don’t we come here?
Junk shop owner: You pick a date. I’ll sell you 4 chairs, $5.
Lady #2: What, you sit on them, they break?
Junk shop owner: We don’t sell chairs that break. How many people were in church? 10? I hear he’s gonna start counting how many people are going. What are they gonna do, close the church? Doesn’t anybody have a hook in the Father, know what’s going on?
Lady #1: Nobody goes anymore.
Junk shop owner: He has no activities for the people in the neighborhood! No card parties, no bingo…$150 per kid to make communion! Where the hell do you come off making a price like that?
Lady #2: I never heard of that.
Junk shop owner: Well, you heard it now.
–Carroll Gardens
Girl #1: You are way more charitable than I am.
Girl #2: Are you saying that only Catholics are charitable?
Girl #1: What?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Karla
In a crowded bathroom, a drunk guy at the short urinal calls over to his friend about six urinals down.
Guy #1: Hey, man! Why is mine so small? Is yours this small?
Guy #2: What?
–Penn Station men’s room
Girl #1: Is it hot in here or are my eyes just burning?
Girl #2: What?
–M66 bus
Overheard by: Gabriella
Intellectual: Man, I was reading the Koran the other day. It’s such bullshit; the Bible is way better.
–7B, East Village
Punk girl: He doesn’t look Jewish.
Punk boy: He’s not, he’s Catholic… A real pope-fucker.
–Rivington & Ludlow
Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyle
Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!
–125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Plausible
Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"
–Central Park Reservoir
Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?
–L Train
Overheard by: It's me, bitches.
Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: me too
Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.
–8th Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Erica Friedman
Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?
–Washington Square Park
Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he's like, "So, do you want to be my girlfriend?"
–3rd Ave & 11th St
Overheard by: simon
Middle school girl to boy: I don't normally get with sixth graders, but you're different…
–10th St & 1st Ave
Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you're bitching about', I know that you are not actually listening to me.
–Riverside Park
Guy on cell: I don't treat you quite as bad as you say.
–Amtrak
Overheard by: Flooey
Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don't you scream like that for me?
–The Colbert Report Set
Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said "I think you should see other people."
–Park Ave & 29th St
Overheard by: petey
Guy, looking at Greek marble sculptures: Hey, did you ever notice that a lot of these guys are missing their penises?
Girl: I think that has to do with early Christian sanctions on pagan idols.
Guy: Oh. (pauses) I thought someone out there just had a really big dildo collection.
–The Met
Girl #1: Did you hear Nicole has to be topless?
Girl #2: That's okay, I'm a nun!
–9th & Broadway
