Dildos and Vibrators

Cute 20‐something Asian girl: I have a butt plug in right now.
Slightly older male college student: Can I have your number?

–34th & Broadway

Guy, looking at Greek marble sculptures: Hey, did you ever notice that a lot of these guys are missing their penises?
Girl: I think that has to do with early Christian sanctions on pagan idols.
Guy: Oh. (pauses) I thought someone out there just had a really big dildo collection.

–The Met

20‐something: I didn’t even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight – it’s my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

Boyfriend holding up slutty top: What about this one?
Girlfriend: If you were a girl you'd be the biggest skank in New York.

--Charlotte Russe, Manhattan Mall, 33rd & 6th

Headline by: Scott


· "And knock the Statue of Liberty right off that pedestal." - LORI

· "But at least it flatters my man-boobs" - Andrew

· "I learned from the best" - Breanne S.

· "Putting the "Ho" back in "Homeboy"" - cinekat

· "What She Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Her" - Alison R.

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

New Yorker: So, having a romantic evening in New York?
Tourist: Yeah… I went sex toy shopping last night.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: laughing awkwardly

Hipster girl #1: Yeah, but it was okay because my anal beads, as usual, did the job.
Hipster girl #2: Really? Because they just haven’t been working for me lately.

–Union Square

300‐pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s into that kinky downtown shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: bastardo

Loud upstate girl: I think…doin’ any kinda research inta furries? You’re in trouble.

–Hudson & Houston

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: stephie

Curly‐haired girl on cell: I’ve totally got a cold too! But I’ve also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.

–Ouidad salon

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.

–Central Park

Guy at table: You know, she’s a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Overheard by: Spazz

Girl #1: Overpriced, and totally not worth it.
Girl #2: But does it come with a vibrator?

–43rd St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Taylor

Girl, as phone vibrates in her pocket: Oh, that scared me! My phone always scares me when it vibrates like that!
Old lady in bike shorts: Girl, you should never let a vibrator scare you!


Salesman demonstrating massager on self: It’s supposed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps massage your shoulders.
Middle‐aged woman, unimpressed: What about that one?
Salesman, picking up new massager: This is a vibrator.
Middle‐aged woman: [Stunned silence.]Salesman: Uh, I mean, it operates using vibration — the first one’s called a percussion massager. It’s just a… different type of massager.

–Brookstone, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: she didn’t buy either one