Woman #1: I’m seeing this guy who’s really nice and he’s rich, he’s loaded, but he doesn’t turn me on at all. I never come. But he keeps asking me to marry him! I know I’ll never get this opportunity again. I dunno what to do.
Woman #2: Marry him and buy a vibrator!
Woman #1: Oh my god, I never thought of that! That’s exactly what I’ll do. Gee, thanks, great idea!
–Hot dog stand, 40th & 7th
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Cute 20-something Asian girl: I have a butt plug in right now.
Slightly older male college student: Can I have your number?
–34th & Broadway
Guy, looking at Greek marble sculptures: Hey, did you ever notice that a lot of these guys are missing their penises?
Girl: I think that has to do with early Christian sanctions on pagan idols.
Guy: Oh. (pauses) I thought someone out there just had a really big dildo collection.
–The Met
20-something: I didn't even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it's my half birthday in 10 days.
–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
–45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It's my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
–111 & Broadway
Boyfriend holding up slutty top: What about this one?
Girlfriend: If you were a girl you’d be the biggest skank in New York.
–Charlotte Russe, Manhattan Mall, 33rd & 6th
Headline by: Scott
Runners-Up:
· “And knock the Statue of Liberty right off that pedestal.” – LORI
· “But at least it flatters my man-boobs” – Andrew
· “I learned from the best” – Breanne S.
· “Putting the “Ho” back in “Homeboy”” – cinekat
· “What She Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Her” – Alison R.
New Yorker: So, having a romantic evening in New York?
Tourist: Yeah… I went sex toy shopping last night.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: laughing awkwardly
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, but it was okay because my anal beads, as usual, did the job.
Hipster girl #2: Really? Because they just haven't been working for me lately.
–Union Square
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he's into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin' any kinda research inta furries? You're in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I've totally got a cold too! But I've also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she's a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
Girl #1: Overpriced, and totally not worth it.
Girl #2: But does it come with a vibrator?
–43rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Taylor
Girl, as phone vibrates in her pocket: Oh, that scared me! My phone always scares me when it vibrates like that!
Old lady in bike shorts: Girl, you should never let a vibrator scare you!
–Starbucks
