Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick

Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!

–Times Square

Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?

–Times Square

Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Daniel

Posted on November 20, 2017
All Wednesday One-Liners, Couples, Dildos and Vibrators, Free stuff!, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Laughter, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Questions, Sex, Strangers, Street, Theater & Dance, Times Square, Vendors & Street Performers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weed, Wishes & desires

You Put That in Your Wednesday One-Liner?

Woman, to friend: he was so excited, I thought his butt plug was going to shoot out of his ass.

–Spring Street and 6th St

Overheard by: Sarah O.

Dude in fur coat and construction boots: My mom asked me if I had a razor in my butt…

–Downtown ‘1’ Train

Husband to wife:
I can’t believe you just put your finger up my butt hole!

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: bonifacia

Transvestite prostitute: I just got off my second and last date tonight… Man paid me 4 bills to stick my fingers in his booty.

–Meat-packing District

Overheard by: Erin

Guy on cell: you have to get drunk enough not to puke, but enough to take the piece of glass into your ass!

–Bleeker & Barrow

Overheard by: ivy270

Guy on cell phone passing by: normally when you say that, my asshole starts puckering!

–Union Square

Posted on October 6, 2017
Advice, Ass, Asshole, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Family Ties, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, Hand-Jobs, Men, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Prostitutes, Prostitution, Questions, Soho, The Village, Trannies, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?

–Greenpoint Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: cameo

Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!

–Rockafeller Plaza

Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!

–Topshop

Posted on February 27, 2016
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Crime and Punishment, Death, Dildos and Vibrators, Drinking & Drunk People, Friends, Girls, Kink, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Prostitution, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Shopping, Stab, Store, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Women

Ho, Ho, Ho!

Girl #1: What did you get from your secret Santa?
Girl #2: Just some soaps and smelly stuff from Bath & Body Works. Oh, and a free promotional CD that my secret Santa told me was free.
Girl #1: Who was your secret Santa anyway?
Girl #2: Amy. I saw what she got from her secret Santa. It was a Santa vibrator.
Girl #1: A Santa vibrator! Much cooler than soaps and a free CD.
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess so. Until I stole the Santa vibrator off her desk. It was fucking small, though. As big as my pinkie.

–N train

Overheard by: michelle luvey

Posted on January 28, 2016
Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Holidays, On the Subway

Sweetie, Could You Call Your Boyfriend and Ask?

Mom: Do you think they use dildos?
Dad, indicating 20-something daughter: I don’t know. Why don’t we ask our resident expert?

–116th & Broadway

Overheard by: alxie

Posted on November 22, 2015
Dildos and Vibrators, Parents, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

If You Want to Know More, Here’s My Card

Straight guy: Shit! They’re closed. There’s no way I’ll be able to buy a dildo this late at night.
Guy walking by: Dude, in this city you can definitely find a dildo this late at night.

–13th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Jesse D

Posted on November 17, 2015
Default, Dildos and Vibrators, Guys, Only in New York, Strangers, Time, Union Square and East Village

But a Girl Has to Make Her Own Luck

Girl #1: And my dad wasn't about to leave his business…
Girl #2: What does your dad do?
Girl #1: Personalized stuffed animals. That's why my middle name…
Girl #2: Teddy.
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Yeah. You are so lucky your dad doesn't deal sex toys. Then you'd be, like, Samantha Dildo.

–10th St & 2nd Ave

Posted on July 21, 2015
Animals & Nature, Dildos and Vibrators, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Names, Parents, Union Square and East Village

…Once I Get It Back from What's-Her-Name on the Fourth Floor.

Girl: So I don't steal from privately owned places and shit, I steal from like CVS.
Guy: The funniest thing I ever stole was a five-dollar finger vibrator.
Girl, excited: Did it work?
Guy: Yeah, it was the shit! You can borrow it anytime.

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Mika