Grand Central

My Shit Only Has Dental Coverage

Guy #1: So she fine?
Guy #2: Yeah, man, and get this, dog: she’s got full benefits!
Guy #1: Yo man, you better marry that shit!

–Elevator, 42nd & Madison

Overheard by: Manny M

Girl #1: So $120 of antibiotics later, my cat should be just fine.
Girl #2: Doesn’t your cat have health insurance?
Girl #1: Yes, but it doesn’t cover prescription drugs.
Girl #2: Do they offer that type of coverage?
Girl #1: If anyone’s getting an optional rider prescription drug plan in my apartment, it’s going to be me.

–Inwood

Overheard by: Melissa Mink

That’s More of a “Canals of Mars” Thing

Fat guy #1: Yeah, she’s from Italy, she went to Venus to visit her grandmother.
Fat guy #2: Venus? How do you get to Venus?
Fat guy #1: Gondola.

–Grand Central food court

Overheard by: Muffy St. Jacques

Real Life NYC Advertisements

Tourist boy: I thought Grand Central station was huge. Like, a whole city underground and stuff.
Tourist girl: Wait.

–6 train, pulling into Grand Central station

Overheard by: Jonathan

Tourist: Where is Saks Fifth Avenue?
New Yorker: On Fifth Avenue, you moron!

–46th & 6th

NYC Rules Require Me to Fuck with You

Blonde tourist #1: I think we have plenty of time before our train leaves. What time is it?
Blonde tourist #2: I have no idea. My cell phone is dead. [To passing suit] Um, sir? Do you know what time it is?
Suit, rolling his eyes up at huge clock, then at blondes: Nope.

–Grand Central info booth with four-sided clock on top

Overheard by: Matt

There’s a Difference Between Abs and Rolls

Girl #1: Don’t you like anything about yourself?
Girl #2: I like my abs.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: I guess not.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Alexis Gratt

Well, Exactly!

Woman: So, what did he look like?
Man: Like… a Portuguese chipmunk.
Woman: What the hell does that look like?
Man: Picture a Portuguese man and a chipmunk and combine them. That’s what he looked like.
Woman, after thinking: Oh! Okay. That’s really weird that the he would want Anne* — she’s so tall.

–Grand Central

I Would Date That Rock

Comic geek: Talking kryptonite?! That was the worst thing ever!
Cute employee: Oh, yeah?
Comic geek: Yeah! A couple years ago they did a story that was narrated by Arkham Asylum. I mean, that made sense. Fuckin’ Arkham! But talking kryptonite? What the fuck is that?
Other employee: Maybe it wasn’t kryptonite. Maybe it was just a rock with green paint and low self-esteem.

–Midtown Comics, Grand Central

A Constant Erection is a Curse, Not a Goal

Man #1: How hot is this weekend nanny?
Man #2: I get wood whenever I pass within 10 feet of her.
Man #1: And Lucy doesn’t get why you’re spending more time on the weekends there now?
Man #2: She’s clueless. Now my goal is for her to hire someone equally as hot for the weekdays.

–Grand Central

Why the Hell Am I Always in Line with You?

Man #1: You know that saying about how if you teach a man to fish, he can fish?
Man #2: Yeah.

–Grand Central Station

You’re Still Only As Safe As Your Lover, Sweetie

Well-meaning volunteer: Help yourself, free condoms from the department of public health.
Hugely pregnant passerby: Too late.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: Katie

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