Train Station

More Commonly Known as New Shitsburg

Chick #1: Hoboken just sounds dirty to me.
Chick #2: Why? Because like, “hobos”?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Chick #2: Well, it’s uplifting. Like, “hobos can!” get their lives together. It’s not called “hobo can’t.”

–9th Street PATH station

Drunk girl: I can’t believe I have to take this train to Hoboken! This is horrible! Thank God it’s just for tonight, I can’t imagine doing this every day! This is the worst!
Guy: Where in the city do you live?
Drunk girl: I live in Rutherford.

–PATH train

Overheard by: kt

The Yard: A Classic Staple of Inner City Poverty

Girl: Damn, those headphones are fucking ghetto!
Boy: Shut up, they’re not that bad.
Girl: Um, actually they’re beyond ghetto. They’re…backyard.

–Penn Station

Better: “I hope the rain comes all weekend.”

Girl: Your hair looks so hot when it’s raining.
Boy: Really?
Girl: Yes, you get that Swedish porn star look.
Boy: In that case I hope it rains all weekend.

–Penn Station

First the Gum Snaps, Then the New Yorkers Do

A guy pops his gum.

An older woman stands up and yells: Do you think I don’t hear you? I’ve asked several times, who is popping their gum, and everyone looks around, and it was you! You can’t do that in a public place! It’s a violent sound! Now, will you be able to control yourself, or will I have to run away from you?

–Penn Station

Wednesday One-Liners Rail Against Fate

Conductor: This is the last train. You have no other options, this is it. Get on this train.

–Metro North Rail

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, please keep your feet off the seats on this train. They belong on the floor; that's why it's there. If you can't put your feet on the floor because your luggage is there, don't worry: we took care of that too. Look up. That thing above your head is a luggage rack.

–NJ Transit, Penn Station

Announcement on NJ transit train: If you have young children, please take them…by the hand when leaving the train.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: JerseyJR

Train conductor: This is 18th Street, if this is your stop…get up! Give up that seat!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Chris K… at 11pm

Amtrak conductor: We are experiencing engine problems and need to change trains. But I want you to know that we have lost no altitude.

–Amtrak Train

Conductor, philosophical about delayed train: We don't usually have this type of delay at this time of day. But, well, here we are… (train starts to move) Aha! Here it is!

–A Train

Overheard by: Katie J

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, do you know where you are? (passengers are silent) I do! Hudson, next stop.

–Amtrak Train, Leaving Penn Station

New York City’s Alternative Energy Source

Girl #1: Why is it so hot in here?
Girl #2: Hobo farts.

–1 train station, 168th St

There’s a Difference Between Abs and Rolls

Girl #1: Don’t you like anything about yourself?
Girl #2: I like my abs.
Girl #1: Really?
Girl #2: I guess not.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Alexis Gratt

Readers: Answer This Overheard Rhetorical Question

Woman on cell: Well what did you expect? Did you think you could just go into the subway and get a million bucks playing your guitar?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Domi

You’re Still Only As Safe As Your Lover, Sweetie

Well-meaning volunteer: Help yourself, free condoms from the department of public health.
Hugely pregnant passerby: Too late.

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: Katie

Spring is in the Air (Alongside TB)

Hobo #1: I love you.
Hobo #2: Get the fuck out of here.
Hobo #1: What?
Hobo #2: You are going to fuck with me and you are going to get yourself hurt. I mean it!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: bebe

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