Manhattan

British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.

–27th Street office

Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau

Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.

–82nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: JY

Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.

–McDonald’s, 47th Street

Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: tee sul

Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.

–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street

Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cynthia

Girl: Ugh, it’s that guy!
Dude: What guy?
Girl: The lead singer of A-ha is making my life hell.

–92nd & 2nd

Girl #1: Sorry I’m late! Brian and I were discussing the logistics of turning my Statue of Liberty figurine into a bong.
Girl #2: It’s always something with you.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Overheard by: Djlindee

Guy #1: I don’t care about the goddamn pope anymore! What is it, it’s on the front page of every paper. Who cares?
Guy #2: I know, he’s going to die in a few years anyway.

–20th & 7th

Overheard by: Tom

Guy: Golden retrievers are beautiful animals. If I were a golden retriever, I would be so vain!

–Shade, Sullivan Street

Guy on cell: Oh, you want a doggy treat? When I get home I’ll give you a big fat bone.

–34th & 8th

Woman: Peter! Dog poop is not a toy!

–CPW & 65th Street

Overheard by: Johnathan

A hobo is sitting on a bench next to a woman.

Hobo: Don’t touch my butt, lady. I’m a virgin.
Woman: Oh, please.
Hobo: Get over it.

–Central Park

Little girl: Do I have to shave all over my body when I grow up? Where will I have to shave most? Where don’t I have to shave? Tell me, you’re old, you should know.

–New York Hall of Science, Flushing

Overheard by: Ting

NYU Chick: 2G? Does that mean it’s on the ground floor?

–11th between Broadway and University

Woman: Would it help to keep a couple dead deer lying around to scare the other ones away?

–Union Square Greenmarket

Lady: Girl, or all the hairs growin’ out of my face, I’d take your wart in a second.

–Bally Sports Club, Madison & 43rd

Overheard by: Heather Hunter

Trendy boy: God, I feel so bad farting next to all these really expensive cars.

–Jacob Javits Center

Overheard by: Lindsay

Dude on cell: …so I got into this fight last night and totally whaled on the dude…totally kicked his ass! His nose was bleeding and everything!….OK, I’ll see ya later. Peace.

–Coffee Shop, Union Square West

Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.

–Chelsea taxicab

Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: Sara R.

Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.

–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street

Man: I thought you were the type who made coffee at home.
Woman: I can easily make coffee at home. I’m having tea.

–Starbucks, 81st & Columbus