Woman on cell: Oh my god. Screw you. I’m going to screw you with a screwdriver.
–Central Park
Woman on cell: Oh my god. Screw you. I’m going to screw you with a screwdriver.
–Central Park
Jewess: My roommate won’t let me use the oven because it hasn’t been made kosher yet.
Jew: Hey, just tell her we’d all be burned in the same oven. That’ll go over well.
–Flatiron Building office
Businessman lady #1: See, she always finds a way to make things about her!
Businessman lady #2: Um, she just found out she has cancer.
Businessman lady #1: So? I am getting married, it should be all about me, focus all on me. Now we have to make it about her! Ugh.
Businessman lady #2: You’re not getting married till next year.
Businessman lady #1: I know that, but I am getting married. Anyway, cancer is like the flu, almost everyone is going to get it. She is not going to die from it.
Businessman lady #2: I can’t believe you. You are so crass sometimes. Ugh.
Businessman lady #1: Oh, shit! What if she really does die? Then it will really be all about her. Crap.
–Wall & Water
Waiter: I assume you guys are on a date?
Guy #1: Yep.
Waiter: I just love seeing two nice young men together, so I brought you key lime shots to go with the key lime pie. Enjoy.
Guy #2: Bitch, you’ll do anything for alcohol.
–East of Eighth, W. 23rd Street
Dude #1: Turkey and swiss.
Deliman: Sorry, no cheese.
Dude #1: Jesus Christ! What kind of deli doesn’t have cheese?
Dude #2: Um, dude…Jewish deli…
Dude #1: I don’t suppose they’d have hot peppers either, then.
–2nd Avenue Deli
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Filthy man: You three ladies know this dude?
Girl #1: Uh, yeah.
Filthy man: Oh. Okay. ‘Cause I was about to pull out my AK47 and shoot him dead.
The elevator stops.
Filthy man: You all have a nice night.
–Hotel Carter, West 43rd Street
Overheard by: onesong
Girl: Oh hey, that’s my high school mascot!
Guy: What, a black woman?
–8th & Broadway
Girl: When we were younger, we totally took for granted the fun in playing Spin the Bottle…I would love to play now but it wouldn’t be the same.
Man: Yeah, playing now would just end with an abortion two months later.
Girl: Ugh.
–Broadway & 46th
Overheard by: Jeff Rigby
Ghetto guy: Dat movie was da bomb.
Ghetto hoochie: Yeah guy, 10 thumbs up!
–City Cinemas Village East, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Faceman
Twin girl #A: It’s my birthday on Sunday…
Unique girl #1: Oh, so like, your sister was the one whose birthday it was Thursday. God, this must be so confusing for you guys.
Unique girl #2: Um, no, I highly doubt it is. They’re twins; they were born on the same day!
Unique girl #1: Did your parents just change it on the birth certificate to make it less confusing…or what? I would’ve just let you guys keep the different birthdays.
–40th & 5th
