Ad guy #1: “Up Your Budget”? I don’t get it.
Ad guy #2: It’s for the rental car company.
Ad guy #1: But it makes you think of Up Your Butt. Is that the point? Budget wants people to think about stuffing things in their ass?
Ad guy #2: I don’t know.
Ad guy #1: “Look at me, I’m stuffing things in my ass!” “We try harder, we’re number two. We’re stuffing things in our ass!”…Hertz!
–Madison & 50th
Overheard by: Kevin
Guy #1: What time is it?
Guy #2: One o’clock.
Guy #1: What? How long has it been one?
Guy #2: Less than a minute?
–57th & Lexington
Mom: Hey! If you’re hungry I’ll buy you a hot dog. Don’t bite your brother…Hey! What did I just tell you?
She flicks his ear; he yelps.
Mom: Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.
–Stop & Shop, Union Turnpike
Overheard by: Chris B
A woman gets on the train and begs for money. She is upset that other people ask for money and spend it on the wrong things. She promises she is being sincere and that she isn’t going to spend it on drugs; she needs it to buy food for her 93 day old baby.
Four days later the same woman gets on the train, telling how she is being honest and needs the money to buy food. Only now she claims her baby is 76 days old.
Funny how she’s begging for money, when she should really just sell that time machine.
–Q train
Overheard by: Jill
Guy: Hey man, wanna make some quick money moving some equipment for me?
Hobo: I don’t have time right now.
–30th & 7th
Overheard by: theallegedother
Professor guy: Does anyone know who the celebrity advocate is for sickle cell anemia? Come on people, you can’t be less hip than me.
NYU girl: T-Boz.
Professor guy: That’s right! T-Boz! From what group?
NYU girl: TLC.
Professor guy: Yeah, TLC! And in case you don’t know who they are…
He puts a picture of TLC on the overhea[r]d projector.
Professor guy: I actually have their CD. I put it on at home when I feel like getting jiggy with it. I thought we’d listen to it while you work. Not I Don’t Want No Scrubs, partly because I don’t know what that means.
–Silver Building, Waverly Place
Girl #1: You talk like you’re from an entirely other universe.
Girl #2: I am. It’s called Los Angeles!
–1st Avenue & 6th Street
Overheard by: miss dubin
Girl #1: …and I went on the American Nazi Party website, and it’s–
Girl #2: I know! It’s hysterical.
–26th & Park
Overheard by: Kevin Stone
Dude: So are you going to sing karaoke?
Girl: No, I don’t think so. Are you?
Dude: Nah.
Girl: Why not? Can you sing?
Dude: Oh yeah, I can sing. I just don’t read.
–Nevada Smith’s, 3rd Avenue
Woman on cell: Oh my god. Screw you. I’m going to screw you with a screwdriver.
–Central Park
Jewess: My roommate won’t let me use the oven because it hasn’t been made kosher yet.
Jew: Hey, just tell her we’d all be burned in the same oven. That’ll go over well.
–Flatiron Building office
Businessman lady #1: See, she always finds a way to make things about her!
Businessman lady #2: Um, she just found out she has cancer.
Businessman lady #1: So? I am getting married, it should be all about me, focus all on me. Now we have to make it about her! Ugh.
Businessman lady #2: You’re not getting married till next year.
Businessman lady #1: I know that, but I am getting married. Anyway, cancer is like the flu, almost everyone is going to get it. She is not going to die from it.
Businessman lady #2: I can’t believe you. You are so crass sometimes. Ugh.
Businessman lady #1: Oh, shit! What if she really does die? Then it will really be all about her. Crap.
–Wall & Water
Waiter: I assume you guys are on a date?
Guy #1: Yep.
Waiter: I just love seeing two nice young men together, so I brought you key lime shots to go with the key lime pie. Enjoy.
Guy #2: Bitch, you’ll do anything for alcohol.
–East of Eighth, W. 23rd Street
