New mom #1: I’ve been constipated for the past three months.
New mom #2: Tell me about it.
–Madison Square Park
New mom #1: I’ve been constipated for the past three months.
New mom #2: Tell me about it.
–Madison Square Park
Tourist mom: First the Muppets took Manhattan, now us!
–Marriott Marquis, Times Square
Overheard by: G. Star
Tourist lady: What floor are the Renaissance paintings on?
–MoMA
Guy: …it’s the same as terrorism. If we’re against terrorism, then we’re against tourism.
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: B. Howard
Tourist guy: I’ll have two of your ordinary coffees for purchase.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Penn Station
Overheard by: devila
Aussie woman: Excuse me…Can you tell me how to get to Greenwich Village?
–5th Avenue & 8th Street
Tourist lady: …and then we went to that big church. You know, the big one? St. Peter’s. The one the Kennedys went to. It’s on 5th street. It’s, like, the largest church in the world or something.
–Central Park East
Tourist guy: Oh, we definitely saw all the important things in the city today. I think the best was F.O.A. Schwartz though.
–Mulberry Street
Overheard by: Bernie Mc
Tourist guy: Hey, is that Central Park?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Chris Ghirardi
Tourist chick: Hey, is that Central Park?
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: Beks
Tourist boy: Mom! We’re almost at double-u twenty-four street!
–M20 bus
Girl on cell: Let’s wear matching polo shirts and film each other eating with handheld digital cameras! Oh sorry, I’m in Times Square, and I was beginning to think that kind of behavior was normal.
–Times Square
Teen tourist boy: This ain’t no Chinatown. Shit.
–Broadway & Broome
Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher
Woman: So how was the blind date?
Man: Ugh, you know. He’s tall, white, and a vegan. The same as every man in this world.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Mike Drucker
Little girl: But I’m not on line for Harry Potter; I want to go to the bathroom!
–Barnes & Noble, Astor Place
Chick: The problem with reading is that you can’t do it when you’re fucked up.
–31st & 2nd
Woman on cell: I’m so, like, a vegetarian, for real you know? But only, like, on Wednesdays.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Angela
Guy on cell: Dude did so much K that he turned into Terri Schiavo.
–Union Square
Chick: I know this guy who’s perfect for you…he’s a complete idiot.
–Columbia University
Guy: Wow, I didn’t even know things existed here.
–Port Authority, 2nd Floor
Guy: Well at one point he took off his boots, a while later tried to put them back on. I told him that they were the wrong feet. Then he looked at me and said, “No…these are my feet.”
–Hank’s Saloon, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Kimberly Handle
Construction guy #1: Hey, pretty boy! Whatcha got under that skirt?
Guy in skirt: Your girlfriend’s fantasy.
Construction guy #2: Oh, shit. He got you there, dude.
–Broadway & 39th
Yuppie #1: She had a great rack.
Yuppie #2: Couldn’t have been real.
Yuppie #1: Yeah, no way.
Yuppie #2: So you’re a rack guy, huh?
Yuppie #1: Nah, I’m an ass.
–18th & 5th
Overheard by: Debl Way
A suit drops his cell phone on the sidewalk and yells: Fuck!
Tourist dad: Oh my, did you hear what that man said in public?
Tourist mom: And this is the exact reason why I don’t want you to move to New York!
–71st & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Ellen
Lady: I come here every weekend. It’s my church.
–Manhattan Mall women’s bathroom
Overheard by: Dolly Lowenstein
Guy: She became a Republican to spite our father.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Woman: I really hate Bush. I can’t stand him. The world would be such a better place if he just died…But then there’s Cheney…
–6 train
Drunk guy: You wait right here, I’m going home to get my gun, I’ll be right back!
–23rd between 8th & 9th
Guy: This is the guy I got arrested with in San Antonio for pissing on the Alamo.
–LES party
Overheard by: Caz
Man #1: So what are you going to do this weekend?
Man #2: I thought we could go to my farm and you could ride my tractor.
Man #1: Oh yeah, that sounds great.
–Midtown elevator
Overheard by: Max Seddon
