Enormous Changes for Wednesday One-liners

Woman: I would bedazzle the shit out of that shirt.

–53rd & 9th

Girl: So, he said he was thinking about getting LASIK, and I told him that if he wants to have surgery he has to start with a nosejob.

–Times Square

Man on cell: Yeah man, I promised for her birthday I’d take her to the best doctor in town. She really needs to have this done. Where did you take yours when she had fleas?

–57th & Broadway

Girl on cell: Oh, I don’t know, the last time I saw you your lips didn’t look that overinflated.

–Washington Square dog run

Overheard by: boswell

Posted on November 28, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, Medicine, Plastic Surgery, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

You Said It, Brother

Yuppie #1: She had a great rack.
Yuppie #2: Couldn’t have been real.
Yuppie #1: Yeah, no way.
Yuppie #2: So you’re a rack guy, huh?
Yuppie #1: Nah, I’m an ass.

–18th & 5th

Overheard by: Debl Way

Posted on September 23, 2025
Ass, Boob Job, Manhattan, Murray Hill and Gramercy, People, Places, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Rack, Topics, Yuppies

It Was Fully Loaded with Junk in the Trunk

Girl #1: I asked for liposuction for graduation.
Girl #2: Where?
Girl #1: In my ass.
Girl #2: Did you get it?
Girl #1: No. But I’m happy with the car.

–The Equitable Building, Broadway & Pine

Overheard by: Fletch

Posted on June 15, 2025
Ass, Gifts, People, Plastic Surgery, Teens

But If Anyone Asks, I Called Jenny

Suit #1: So I’d been working out for two hours a day, almost daily, for a few months.
Suit #2: How was that?
Suit #1: Well I wasn’t losing any weight, so then I remembered… I’m really rich, I could just get lipo.

–Nassau & Wall St.

Overheard by: slave for the man

Posted on April 17, 2017
Default, Diet/Weight, Financial people, Money & Class, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Rich people, Suits, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Drunk, Or Still Emerging from the Anesthesia?

Conductor: May I see your ticket, please?
Drunk tranny: I already showed my ticket.
Conductor: Yes, but you haven’t showed it to me.
Drunk tranny: What the fuck? I already showed my damn ticket.
Conductor: OK, calm down. Just show me your ticket, please… I’ll come back for it to give you a minute to find it.
Drunk tranny: You are probably a leather queen. I pay $16,000 for a cunt and this is the disrespect I get. I am fucking changing cars.

–Long Beach bound LIRR

Posted on January 13, 2016
Anger Management, Body Parts, Conductors, Drinking & Drunk People, Etiquette, Kink, Money & Class, People, Places, Plastic Surgery, Private Parts, Sex, Topics, Trains Not Subway, Trannies, Vagina

It Was a Social Suicide

Posh woman #1: Oh, do you remember our friend’s brother? The one who committed suicide?
Posh woman #2: Yeah…
Posh woman #1: Well, turns out he didn’t kill himself — he had a sex change.

–17th & 3rd

Posted on May 22, 2015
Death, Fashionistas, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Plastic Surgery, Suicide

I Tried Them Once, But I Kept Getting Stuck to the Fridge

Not-so-chubby girl: Dude, I’m so fat.
Ordinary girl: No you’re not. You just got a little belly.
Not-so-chubby girl: Yeah…I wish I had fat magnets so I could put them in my bra. It would suck up all my fat and make me go up a cup size.
Ordinary girl: Wow. And I always thought plastic surgery was the only option.

–NYU

Posted on February 19, 2015
Default, Diet/Weight, Girls, NYU, Plastic Surgery

Beauty is Only Deep Skin

Woman, 50s: “You look so rested, so refreshed. Have you lost weight?” That’s what you want them to say. Not, “you look like you’ve had 3 inches of skin on your face tightened.”
Friend, 50s: Did you go back to work right after?
Woman, 50s: Not right after. Because of the bruising. But it’s New York. I could have 2 heads and no one would notice.

–Ollie’s, UWS

Overheard by: TG

Posted on July 9, 2014
Friends, Only in New York, Plastic Surgery, Store, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Meet the People in Charge Of Programming for Fox

Hobo #1: Yesterday was about embarrassing questions, like “what is a fart?”, or “what is a belch?” Or “why does my pussy stink?” Or “what is plastic surgery?” And they show portions of plastic surgery. And it's a program that I really connected to… It has the highest ratings. I'm up at six o'clock, walking my cats, waking my ass up.
Hobo #2: Yeah, I watch that show too…
Hobo #1 interrupting: No, that's not the same that some acting tv dramas. This 'bout real shit, it's about real questions and real answers. Most people don't even know what their bodies look like. But they got psychologists, they got surgeons…

–Downtown 1 Train

Overheard by: typing it all into my blackberry as fast as I could

Posted on February 22, 2010
Farting & Burping, Gay Man's Best Friend, Hobos, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Plastic Surgery, Psychology, Time, TV, Vagina, Weirdness, Words

Scalpel….Scissors….Wednesday One-Liners…

Big black crossdresser: Oh honey, I know that no amount of surgery is going to make me a diva!

–3 Train

Overheard by: Kailee McMahon

Mother to small daughter: Honey, don't forget to wash your hands. (girl scrubs hands for a long time) Honey, you aren't getting ready to perform surgery. Hurry up.

–Women's Bathroom, The Met

Man: He had to have his top hat surgically removed.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Kevin

Intern: Latex gloves are for killing people, surgery and dying your hair.

–1501 Broadway

Overheard by: Randi

Loud woman on phone: Yeah, he got his tubes clipped this weekend. He's been fixed! Oh, but don't tell anyone, he doesn't want anybody to know.

–Dunkin Donuts

Girl on cell: How did teaching go? How was the surgery? Did human skin taste good?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Poogtastic One