Hobo: Hey, are you trying to get laid today?
Chick: No, not today.
Hobo: Well give me your number.
–Union Square
Hobo: Hey, are you trying to get laid today?
Chick: No, not today.
Hobo: Well give me your number.
–Union Square
Hobo: I am the king, bow down before me…The president of the United States is a retarded fuck. American people don’t care about life. Why fight for America? Fuck sending a bunch of people over there to kill and be killed. It’s ridiculous. Bush thinks it’s okay. He’s the dictator, he’s the bad man. If I ever get my hands on him, I’m gonna torture his ass. I’ll cut his dick off. I’ll take a pipe from the fireplace and stick it up his ass. I’m the king. I’ll always be the king. I say this…Don’t ever believe America. America is godless. The people are full of shit. Anyone who goes to war for America has got to be out their motherfuckin’ mind.
–Central Park
Overheard by: psd
Hobo #1: Yo, man, yo, come on, I’ma fuck you up.
Hobo #2: Ain’t gon’ be no fightin’ out here, brother. You gon’ be fightin’ all by yo’self.
Hobo #1: Aight, yo, come on then, I’ll fuck me up first, then I’ll fuck you up, too!
–outside the Bowery Mission
Overheard by: Shane
Hobo: Come on down, you’re the next contestant on Spare Some Change!…Ooh, that went over well.
–University & 9th
Overheard by: Renee
Hobo: Where you from?
Girl: Russia.
Hobo: Russia? Oh. I like Russia. Jesus will get you a good job.
–E train
Hobo: Does anyone have a quarter so I can make a phone call?
Dude: You don’t need a quarter; just dial down the center, 1-800-CALL-ATT.
–23rd & Park
Overheard by: CoolyMadooly
Hobo: Got any money, man? I’m hungry.
Guy: Hey, how are you?
Hobo: How am I? How the fuck do you think I am, 50 fuckin’ people walked by and how much do I got? 10 fuckin cents, how the fuck am I. Shit, man. “How the fuck are you?” What kind of question is that? I’m fuckin’ homeless.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Erin H.
Girl #1: Offer him a chip.
Girl #2: Okay. Would you like a chip?
Hobo: Young lady, are you teasing me?
–6 train
Hobo #1: Do you know what time is it?
Hobo #2: Yeah I know.
Hobo #1: Thanks.
–2 train
Overheard by: Andrew A
Hobo: What the fuck? Why’s the train so crowded? Used ta be between 9 and 5 the train’d be empty. Don’t anybody fucking have a job anymore?
–N train
Hobo: I had to go all over the goddamn world. Canarsie! Staten Island! Jersey City! Timbuktu!
–65th between 2nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: I have closed my windows. I have pulled my curtains. I have put up my air conditioner…and now you will lock down block 340 like you will lock down every other block in the city of New York, the state of New York, the state of New Jersey, and to some extent Connecticut, but not all of Connecticut.
–4th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Drunk hobo: I have a lottery ticket. My father played the lottery every week. Must’ve had about a hundred fucking tickets. What if I find out I won and I’m on the subway? No one’s getting away. I’m taking down everyone’s number. We’re going to dinner. Your family too. No cousins.
–N train
Drunk hobo with megaphone: Don’t ride the trains! Those a-rabs are going to blow this thing up! It’s gonna be bloody! Those a-rabs and the black men from north Africa!
–A train
Old hobo: …and there’s a girl in the well. And he got a dog! You seen dat shit?
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: K-Na
Hobo: I ain’t got no money, but I got the honey, just for the women, not the men. And I ain’t no one minute man, ain’t no three minute man. I’m a one-hour man!
–4 train
Overheard by: eb
