Guy: Here’s a muffin.
Hobo: I don’t eat cake.
–3rd Avenue between Stuyvesant & St. Mark’s
Guy: Here’s a muffin.
Hobo: I don’t eat cake.
–3rd Avenue between Stuyvesant & St. Mark’s
Hobo: Hey, any of you fellas got a match?
Drunk guy: Yeah I got a match, my ass and your face!
Hobo: I hear ya.
–3rd Avenue and 9th Street
Hobo: Punch me in the face! $20! Pay $20 to punch me in the face!
–11th & A
Overheard by: Ben F
Hobo: Can you help me out? You ain’t no brother, but you a cousin. And a white man said, “Ask not what your cousin can do for you, ask what you can do for your cousin.” What can you do for me, man?
–Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: iiams
Hobo: Can anyone spare some change, or some food, an apple, a banana, a bacon and cheese omelet with hash browns?
–R train
Hobo: Miss, can I have a quarter so I can call you later?
–57th & 7th
Overheard by: CK Allen
Hobo: Damn, man! We got enough here for a bottle o’ vodka…and you want wine?
–Avenue A between 5th & 6th
Overheard by: Dave McKenna
Hobo: If you don’t have any money, but you’re really attractive, just give me a hug and we’ll call it even.
–F train
Overheard by: Fiona Lee
Hobo #1: 100 years ago, America was full of real men! Real men who carried guns and wouldn’t be afraid to shoot you!…Hey baby, what stop you lookin’ for?
Hobo #2: She don’t like you.
Hobo #1: Yeah she does! I know everything about women! Ya just don’t marry them!
–53rd Street station
Overheard by: Dan
Hobo: Excuse me, sir? You dropped some change.
Man: What? Where?
Hobo: Bam! In my cup!
–7th Avenue & 4th Street
Hobo: Excuse me, can you spare some change or something to eat? I haven’t eaten anything…I haven’t eaten anything since this morning.
Guy: Yeah? Neither have I.
–107th & Broadway
Overheard by: m-Co
Hobo: Excuse me miss, but may I have some pussy?
Woman: Excuse me?
Hobo: Can I have some pussy?
Woman: I don’t know, I suggest that you call your mother.
–Thompson & Spring
Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don’t speak English so they didn’t understand what you wanted.
–ESPNZone, Times Square
Overheard by: Rachel W
Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn’t swollen at all. They was tellin’ me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin’ rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone.
–M train
A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere.
–Indochine, Lafayette Street
Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, “What’s the problem?”.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: JH
Woman: Can you please make sure it’s a boy lobster? I’m only into boys, and don’t want to eat a girl.
–Austin ale house, Kew Gardens
Overheard by: tom
Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don’t pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Alita
Hobo: Help me! I have 9 starving kids at home!
Suit: Yesterday you had 12 starving kids, what happened?
Hobo: That’s right and the 2 of them died in a horrible fire yesterday! Please help me!
Suit: What happened to the 12th?
Hobo: Man, get the fuck outta here, you’re fucking up my rap!
–57th Street station
Hobo: Does anyone have some food? I’m so hungry, please!
Guy: I think I have an apple in my bag.
Hobo: I got no teeth! I got no teeth! I don’t want your apple!
Guy: How the hell do you expect to get any food without teeth?
–2/3 train
