Hobo: Where the fuck is Park Avenue? What is going on? What the fuck? Where the fuck is Park Avenue?
Girl: If you just take a right at the next street and keep going, you’ll hit it.
Hobo: I don’t fucking care! If I had a gun I’d fucking shoot you! Pow!
–87th & 2nd
Bag lady: This guy killed my boyfriend!
Hobo: No, I didn’t! Not directly!
Bag lady: He gave him vodka so he fell into a bus!
–Broadway & Waverly
Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.
–Brooklyn
Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?
–Bowling Green Station
Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!
–Union Square
Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!
–Outside Starbucks
Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert G.
Lawyer guy: Don’t worry about that, ma’am. We’re gonna make sure you don’t have to worry about money for a long, long time.
Hobo: Shit, you got some money? Let me hold a million dollars.
Lawyer guy: Ha, ha, ha! No thank you, sir.
Hobo: You ain’t shit, nigga. Fuck you and your gay-ass hair. Where were you when I broke my leg, Mista Lawya?
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Fulton & Nassau
Overheard by: Matt M
Drunk: Where’s my boy, man?
–Odessa, Ave. A
Hobo, after playing keyboard and screaming Christmas carols: Ladies and gentlemen, if you have any change I would greatly appreciate it. It would be going to a good cause — I need a lot of therapy.
–L stop, Union Square
Overheard by: sunny maguire
Crazy hobo to no one: It’s the Hudson River — it moved! On Christmas day, it will be April 15th. Sign my petition.
–M15 bus, Ave A
Overheard by: Getting off at next stop
Hobo: I’ll be your lover for a month if you buy me a motorcycle.
–79th & Broadway
Hobo to puddle: You don’t fucking know, man. Shit. You don’t fucking know.
–Penn Station
Homeless woman at 11 in the morning: I’m sorry to bother you all. I am homeless, and I haven’t had a decent meal since earlier today.
–F train to Brooklyn
Overheard by: I hadn’t had a decent meal at all at that time
Hobo to hobo friend: Yo, let me get your e-mail!
–W 27th St
Teenager: I don't know if I would wear a fur coat, ever.
Friend: I know I would, just as long as it wasn't raccoon…raccoons are just gross.
Hobo with heavy Russian accent: In mother Russia raccoon wear you!
–LIRR
Conductor on PA: 34th Street next, stand clear of the closing doors.
Hobo, to self: 34th? You could get killed!
–A Train
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Columbia student: So I was dealing with all these peptide bonds and it was getting annoyingly complicated.
Hobo: Yo, I hate it when that happens! Got a quarter?
–Columbia University
Overheard by: SlickRicks
Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?
–Lexington Ave & 58th
Girl to friend: No, I can't do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.
–3rd Ave & 80th St
Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!
–Sephora, 57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Amanda
Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you're doing your nails? Mmmmmm…
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: Thompson
Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I'm going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.
–Elevator, Macy's
Overheard by: K Melv
Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: wb
