Little boy watching fireworks: Ew! You farted!
Little girl watching fireworks: No I didn’t!
Little boy watching fireworks: Then what was that sound coming from your butt?
–Hudson River Park & 24th St
Overheard by: Eric Schneider
Little boy watching fireworks: Ew! You farted!
Little girl watching fireworks: No I didn’t!
Little boy watching fireworks: Then what was that sound coming from your butt?
–Hudson River Park & 24th St
Overheard by: Eric Schneider
Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?
–Bedford Ave & 8th
Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.
–Pizzeria, 77th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Eric
Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Henry Pena
Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!
–Broome & Forsyth
Overheard by: Terry
Girl: I thought it was gonna be like a tiny thing!
Guy, freaking out: Why do you have a huge ass turtle?!
–Canal & Mott
Angry man on street: Fuck ass the ball! Fuck ass the ball!
Bystander: Did he just say, “fuck ass the ball?”
–Bed‐Stuy
Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don’t want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!
–17th & Irving
(pedestrians are crossing when they aren’t supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: momes
Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car!
–Jerry Orbach St
Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I’ma getting hit by a car, I’ma getting hit by a nice car.
–Broadway & Houston
Tourist driving car: I don’t give a fuck if you own the world! I’m running your ass over!
–Financial District
Overheard by: lex
Man #1: She’s got a kid, and I want no part of that. But I like her a lot…
Man #2: Right.
Man #1: I mean, she’s not that attractive, you know, but she has a nice ass.
–3 train
Overheard by: rat
One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?
–R Train
Overheard by: Ferna
Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven’t been home since the show. Doesn’t that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: AleKatz
Woman on cell: It smells like college!
–BrewFest, South Street Seaport
Office student: It literally smells like my ass.
–CCNY Computer Lab
Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.
–Q Train
Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn’t mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn’t smell. It didn’t smell like anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: who are these people?
Extremely buff gay man: Oh my god, guys! We’re out fishing for anal!
Gay buddies, laughing: You’re sooooo right!
–23rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Mimi
Teen boy: So when you said you loved her, did you say you loved her booty?
–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Mom, to her kids: Your mama’s booty is gonna come in handy tonight!
–41st & 3rd
Overheard by: allison
Guy: No homo, but Derek Jeter has a pretty amazing ass. Probably the best ass in baseball.
Girl in front of him: Oh, it is not at all gay to appreciate Derek Jeter’s ass. The New York Post once said it could stop traffic.
–Yankee Stadium
