Girl #1: These are my fat ass pants.
Girl #2: Oh…so are they supposed to make your ass look fat or thin?
–58th & 5th
Girl #1: These are my fat ass pants.
Girl #2: Oh…so are they supposed to make your ass look fat or thin?
–58th & 5th
Queer: As my grandmother used to say, you’ve got one fuckable ass.
–Marie’s Crisis, Grove Street
Overheard by: catherine
Hobo: How you doin’? How you doin’? I’m doin’ good. Yeah, you know I’m doin’ good, cause I’m lookin’ good! And you know why I look good? ’cause I clean mah ass!
–1 train
Overheard by: Alex Valentine
NYU chick: All this work is going to fuck me in the ass so much my boyfriend won’t be able to.
–Silver Building, Waverly Place
Chick: I can’t believe how much he charged me for this disposable camera. I was like, “Why don’t you fuck me up the ass while you’re at it?”
–55th & 3rd
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Black guy: Damn, it smells like open ass around here.
–Canal & Broadway
Overheard by: Daniel
JHS boy #1: Shut up before I have to put my ass in your mouth.
JHS boy #2: How the hell you gonna put your ass in my mouth?
–Central Park
Girl #1: It looked like you were getting pretty close with that guy on the dance floor.
Girl #2: I know! He was putting his dick all up in my ass like he knew me or something.
–11th between 3rd & 4th
Girl #1: I asked for liposuction for graduation.
Girl #2: Where?
Girl #1: In my ass.
Girl #2: Did you get it?
Girl #1: No. But I’m happy with the car.
–The Equitable Building, Broadway & Pine
Overheard by: Fletch
Man: You know what I love? Farting in supermarkets.
–Broadway & 87th
Overheard by: alice townes
Woman on cell: Went to the club last night, goin’ to the club tonight, tomorrow sit on my ass: D-V-D!
–Eldridge & Stanton
Queer on cell: I mean, he left bruises and scratches all over my ass! I could barely sit down on the subway this morning! I’m telling you, if something happens to me today, the ER people are gonna think I’ve been beaten.
–23rd St between 6th and 7th
Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I wipe asses just like you do…only metaphorically.
–William Street & Maiden Lane
Overheard by: shawn mac
Rich lady: When I die, scatter my ashes over Bloomingdale’s.
–Neue Gallerie, 86th & 5th
Overheard by: Emily
Peddler: That piece down there was made from an Apple computer box. Forget the painting; I mean, just the box is gorgeous. I have a bit of a cardboard box fetish.
–Spring & Broadway
Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Woman on cell: So he was like, “Why are we taking a cab? It’s only 4 or 5 blocks. I know you like exercise. You go to the gym every day.” And I was like, “I only exercise the way God intended…on a treadmill.” I mean, whatever! Right?
–54th & Park
Overheard by: kittikat
A hobo is sitting on a bench next to a woman.
Hobo: Don’t touch my butt, lady. I’m a virgin.
Woman: Oh, please.
Hobo: Get over it.
–Central Park
Old black guy #1: You got to take care of your lady.
Old black guy #2: Uh huh.
Old black guy #1: Every now and then you got to let her do her nails, do her hair and wash her ass…
Old black guy #2: Uh huh!
–Avenue A between 1st and 2nd Street
Mom: If you don’t get up off that bench, I’m gonna kick your ass.
Boy: Can’t kick my ass if I’m sitting on it, can ya?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Jessica
Woman #1: …and I was crouching down with my 6 or 7 inches of my bare ass showing, it was so embarrassing, and he stayed there!
Woman #2: Maybe he was a pee fetishist!
Woman #1: But he was young!
Woman #2: Maybe you turned him into a pee fetishist!
–Noho office bathroom
