Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I wipe asses just like you do…only metaphorically.

–William Street & Maiden Lane

Overheard by: shawn mac

Rich lady: When I die, scatter my ashes over Bloomingdale’s.

–Neue Gallerie, 86th & 5th

Overheard by: Emily

Peddler: That piece down there was made from an Apple computer box. Forget the painting; I mean, just the box is gorgeous. I have a bit of a cardboard box fetish.

–Spring & Broadway

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Woman on cell: So he was like, “Why are we taking a cab? It’s only 4 or 5 blocks. I know you like exercise. You go to the gym every day.” And I was like, “I only exercise the way God intended…on a treadmill.” I mean, whatever! Right?

–54th & Park

Overheard by: kittikat

Posted on May 6, 2025
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Ass, Computer, Death, Fitness, God, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Museums, On Cell, Retail Therapy, Rich people, Shopping, Soho, Travel, Upper East Side, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

The Republican Convention Delegates: Where Are They Now?

A hobo is sitting on a bench next to a woman.

Hobo: Don’t touch my butt, lady. I’m a virgin.
Woman: Oh, please.
Hobo: Get over it.

–Central Park

Posted on January 31, 2025
Ass, Body Parts, Central Park, Etiquette, Hobos, Manhattan, Parks, Republicans

You’ve Got to Pamper Them…Literally

Old black guy #1: You got to take care of your lady.
Old black guy #2: Uh huh.
Old black guy #1: Every now and then you got to let her do her nails, do her hair and wash her ass…
Old black guy #2: Uh huh!

–Avenue A between 1st and 2nd Street

Posted on January 2, 2025
Advice, Ass, Black People, Body Parts, Cleanliness, Hair, Health and Hygiene, Old People, Union Square and East Village

The NYC Attitude: Nature or Nurture?

Mom: If you don’t get up off that bench, I’m gonna kick your ass.
Boy: Can’t kick my ass if I’m sitting on it, can ya?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jessica

Posted on December 6, 2024
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Ass, Central Park, Kids, Moms, Should've Used a Condom

The Golden Taste of Pleasure

Woman #1: …and I was crouching down with my 6 or 7 inches of my bare ass showing, it was so embarrassing, and he stayed there!
Woman #2: Maybe he was a pee fetishist!
Woman #1: But he was young!
Woman #2: Maybe you turned him into a pee fetishist!

–Noho office bathroom

Posted on October 4, 2023
Ass, Coworkers, Kink, Office, Pee

Wednesday One-liners, Matchmaking

Player: Yo, I ain’t banged a fat bitch in a while.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Big woman: He looks like a bean…he has no ass!

–Kate Spade, Broome St.

Overheard by: wermice

Posted on September 9, 2023
Ass, Body Parts, Fat People, People, Places, Players, Private Parts, Sex, Store, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

More Wednesday One-liners

A ghetto guy checks out a girl’s ass and says: Damn, yo. I had one like that back in ’88. When I was workin’ in the mailroom.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Zander

Girl: There is no sperm in the period! Jeez, you’re a moron.

–Lincoln Center

Posted on August 26, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Education, Girls, Thugs, Times Square, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Um, the Sounds Of Silence?

Little boy watching fireworks: Ew! You farted!
Little girl watching fireworks: No I didn't!
Little boy watching fireworks: Then what was that sound coming from your butt?

–Hudson River Park & 24th St

Overheard by: Eric Schneider