The Biggest Wednesday One‐Liner

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8^th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77^th St & 1^st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

Posted on March 5, 2023
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Ass, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Internet, JFK Airport, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers

Wednesday One‐Liner Ink

Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Lyssa

Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t‑shirt instead of on my chest and back.

–Prince & Lafayette

Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?

–D Train

Overheard by: 4‑dumb

Tourist grandmother to eight‐year‐old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy’s new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jas

Posted on July 22, 2018
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Clothing, Compare/Contrast, Families, Friends, Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Insects, Insults, Kids, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Soho, Street, Stupidity, Tattoos, The Village, Times Square, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers, Wishes & desires

Rikers Is Easier to Escape During Rush Hour

Wangsta #1: When you get back from the Island?
Wangsta #2: I tole you, I wasn’t at Riker’s! That’s Rasheed!
Wangsta #1: Fool, I’m talking about Long Island, not Rikers!
Wangsta #2: Oh, Thursday.

–R train

Overheard by: Jonster

Posted on July 25, 2015
Crime and Punishment, Nicknames & name calling, On the Subway, Wiggers

Honestly, Sheldon, I Can’t Keep It Any Realer Than That

Wigger #1: Yo, son, you’re not comin’ through this weekend and shit. Where you at?
Wigger #2: Yo, it’s like Yom Kippur and shit.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: j.anna

Posted on May 25, 2015
Holidays, Hunter, Judaism, Wiggers

Shhh! Gwen’s in Disguise

White thug: Awww shit, it’s raining out? This shit is ridiculous!
Passerby: This shit is bananas!
White thug: Fuck you.

–34^th St & 6^th Ave

Overheard by: the phantom listener

Posted on April 27, 2015
Thugs, Weather, Wiggers

No Change? Airports Are Making Great Strides in Lip‐Gloss Confiscation!

White 20‐something #1: Have you heard about the September 11^th controversy?
White 20‐something #2: No…what?
White 20‐something #1: Well, Kanye and 50 Cent are both releasing their new albums on that date and if Kanye outsells 50 then 50 says that he is going to retire from rapping.
White 20‐something #2: Wow! That’s controversial.
White 20‐something #1: Is it crazy that that’s the new September 11^th controversy? Things have really changed since then…
White 20‐something #2 (pensive): Or *have* they?
Black guy to friend: Yo, man! Are you listening to this shit?

–L Train

Posted on April 9, 2015
Black People, Friends, History & Geography, Music, On the Subway, Questions, Stupidity, Wiggers

That’s Our Nation’s President, Dad.

Drunk white man, pointing to random black guy: Hey, look: it’s Puff Daddy!
Embarrassed daughter: Dad, that is not P. Diddy.
Drunk white man: Hey, Puff! Can I get a record deal? Hook a brother up!

–52^nd & 7^th

Posted on March 21, 2015
Dads, Drunks, Families, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, Offers and requests, Parents, Race, Wiggers

Wednesdays Wish They Could Be More Like One‐Liners

White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or something.
(black teenage boy giggles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?

–Bay Ridge Ave & 4^th Ave

Brunette Guido girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she’s like, the only cool blonde person. This one time she was just like “Dude, can we just do the peace‐and‐love thing? Cause, I don’t know how to fight.”

–LIRR

Overheard by: whaaasgood

Fashion intern: I had swine flu last year, before it was cool.

–Cafeteria, Hearst Tower

Overheard by: interns are our future

Bike rider on phone, walking with girlfriend: I don’t have his number, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pretty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate massage.

–Riverside Park

Posted on March 11, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Clerks, Couples, Fashion, Guidos, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Private Parts, Race, Teens, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wiggers

Kids Say the Darndest Wednesday One‐Liners

Seven‐year‐old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph?

–Playground, Houston St, Soho

Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hudson River Park

Overheard by: skeptical james

Three‐year‐old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flushing Playground

Six‐year‐old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun‐ger! Hun‐ger! Hun‐ger!

–Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kendra

Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush‐hour: How are we going to get through all of this?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: i feel the same way

Four‐year‐old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: wooohoooo

Little girl, in Cro‐Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you!

–American Museum of Natural History

Posted on February 16, 2015
Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Food, Glad the Condom Broke, Hudson River, Kids, Moms, Museum of Natural History, Music, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Parks, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Queens, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Should've Used a Condom, Singing, Smoking, Soho, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wiggers, Wishes & desires

Wiggers