Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77th St & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

Girl to friend: She has a Shakespeare quote tattooed on her body, so she must be smart.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Lyssa

Middle aged dude to another: That fucken bitch, man. I wish I had her on a t‑shirt instead of on my chest and back.

–Prince & Lafayette

Slightly ghetto white girl on cell: What happens when a bug bites you on your tattoo?

–D Train

Overheard by: 4‑dumb

Tourist grandmother to eight‐year‐old granddaughter: Do, do you like mommy’s new neck tattoo? (pause) Yeah, me neither.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jas

Wangsta #1: When you get back from the Island?
Wangsta #2: I tole you, I wasn’t at Riker’s! That’s Rasheed!
Wangsta #1: Fool, I’m talking about Long Island, not Rikers!
Wangsta #2: Oh, Thursday.

–R train

Overheard by: Jonster

Wigger #1: Yo, son, you’re not comin’ through this weekend and shit. Where you at?
Wigger #2: Yo, it’s like Yom Kippur and shit.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: j.anna

White thug: Awww shit, it’s raining out? This shit is ridiculous!
Passerby: This shit is bananas!
White thug: Fuck you.

–34th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: the phantom listener

White 20‐something #1: Have you heard about the September 11th controversy?
White 20‐something #2: No…what?
White 20‐something #1: Well, Kanye and 50 Cent are both releasing their new albums on that date and if Kanye outsells 50 then 50 says that he is going to retire from rapping.
White 20‐something #2: Wow! That’s controversial.
White 20‐something #1: Is it crazy that that’s the new September 11th controversy? Things have really changed since then…
White 20‐something #2 (pensive): Or *have* they?
Black guy to friend: Yo, man! Are you listening to this shit?

–L Train

Drunk white man, pointing to random black guy: Hey, look: it’s Puff Daddy!
Embarrassed daughter: Dad, that is not P. Diddy.
Drunk white man: Hey, Puff! Can I get a record deal? Hook a brother up!

–52nd & 7th

White teenage boy to black teenage boy: She thinks I am a rapist or something.
(black teenage boy giggles) Which I am cool with, you know what I mean?

–Bay Ridge Ave & 4th Ave

Brunette Guido girl: Ohmigosh, you would love this girl, she’s like, the only cool blonde person. This one time she was just like “Dude, can we just do the peace‐and‐love thing? Cause, I don’t know how to fight.”


Overheard by: whaaasgood

Fashion intern: I had swine flu last year, before it was cool.

–Cafeteria, Hearst Tower

Overheard by: interns are our future

Bike rider on phone, walking with girlfriend: I don’t have his number, but you can call Tom* and go down there. Those guys are pretty cool. You can just go down there and give them a prostate massage.

–Riverside Park

Seven‐year‐old white boy in huge afro wig, screaming: Peace out, smokers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my autograph?

–Playground, Houston St, Soho

Little boy with broken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hudson River Park

Overheard by: skeptical james

Three‐year‐old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flushing Playground

Six‐year‐old girl waiting for parents to pay the check, chanting: Hun‐ger! Hun‐ger! Hun‐ger!

–Chinese Restaurant, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kendra

Little boy walking towards LIRR at rush‐hour: How are we going to get through all of this?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: i feel the same way

Four‐year‐old boy: I gotta feelin… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Overheard by: wooohoooo

Little girl, in Cro‐Magnon section of museum: Mommy, you must have known these people. They look like you!

–American Museum of Natural History

Boy: Yo, that’s an oxymoron. That’s like saying ‘Peter picked a pail of pickles’ and he’s a vegetarian. 

–Q111 bus, Jamaica Ave