The Biggest Wednesday One‐Liner

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8^th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77^th St & 1^st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

Posted on March 5, 2023
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Ass, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Internet, JFK Airport, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers

Will This Suffice?

Woman, seeing Richard Simmons: Oh my god!
Richard Simmons, turning around: Oh my god!! I love you so much!
Woman, walking away: If I had a Twitter account I would so tweet that shit.

–City Hall

Overheard by: Commander Xander

Posted on February 25, 2023
About Celebrities, B-List, Fitness, Internet, Strangers, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

But Do They Message You the Morning After?

Engineer #1: I would poke her, man. I would poke the life out of her.
Engineer #2: I have poked her. I have poked the life out of her.
Girl, walking by: Look, you two need to get laid. Facebook means nothing to us girls; we get a billion pokes a day.

–Brooklyn Polytechnic Institute

Posted on September 23, 2022
Brooklyn, College, Girls, Innuendo, Internet, People, Places, Pop Culture, School, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Students, Topics, Venues

My New Wife, Wednesday One‐liners

Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff

Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!

–63^rd & 3^rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on‐line, on Nerve – we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”

–33^rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55^th & Madison

Overheard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R‐U‐F‑F. The Truth!

–Atlantic Avenue gas station

Overheard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.

–Newark airport

Overheard by: jk

Posted on August 20, 2022
Age/Aging, Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, At the Airport, Brooklyn, Dating, Death, Gays and Lesbians, Infidelity, Internet, Lower East Side, Manhattan, Marriage, Masturbation, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Park Slope, People, Places, Pop Culture, Queers, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Shoot, Venues, Violence, Women

Buy Our Crap — You Know You Want It

Man #1: Do you believe the crap they have on those sites?
Man #2: These days most sites seem to sell crap only to make money off dumbass readers…

–14^th & University Pl

Posted on June 29, 2022
Internet, Men, Overheard in New York Announcements, The Village

If the Wednesday Fits, One‐Liner It

Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C’mon, I’m not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!

–Metro‐North Rail

Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: thorn

Manager of ladies’ shoe store: It’s easy to close. You put the hooker boots – all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…

–Macy’s

Overheard by: Sarah R

Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I’ll have your baby.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Lets hope she’ll have the baby anyway…

Four‐year‐old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: …wow.

Posted on May 24, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Bosses, Disney, Friends, Girls, Guys, Internet, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Malls, Moms, Offers and requests, One-liners, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Prostitution, Psychology, Rockefeller Center, Shoes, Shopping, Store, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

And a Fuel Injection System

Hipster boy to girl: After the internet age and the digital age, we are now entering the cyborg age.
Hipster girl to boy: Yeah, cyborgs are totally mainstream now. I saw a special on Fox News all about cyborgs and it was totally mainstream.
Hipster boy to girl: My brother has an insulin pump.

–F Train Platform

Overheard by: sadie

Posted on January 14, 2022
Girls, Guys, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Idiots, Internet, News, Subway stations, platforms, etc., TV

At the Male Fantasy Semifinals

Eastern European girl: Jimmy* is a dirty boy.
Asian girl: Really? Why is Jimmy a dirty boy?
Eastern European girl: He said dirty things to me online.
Asian girl: He said dirty things to you online? Like what?
Eastern European girl: I don’t want to talk about it right now.
Asian girl: Does he make you uncomfortable?
Eastern European girl: Yeah, sometimes he does — like, when he tells me to send him pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Does it make you scared?
Eastern European girl: No, I just don’t have any pictures of myself with my shirt off.
Asian girl: Then why don’t you take some?
Eastern European girl: I don’t know.
Asian girl: You know what? I’ll help you. I’ll go to your house right now and take some pictures of you with your shirt off, and then you can send them to Jimmy, okay?
Eastern European girl: Okay.

–Downtown 6 train

Posted on November 3, 2021
Asians, Bimbettes, Computer, Foreigners, Girls, Internet, Kink, Nudity, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Rack, Talking/Convos

You Can’t Live in the City If You Can’t Screen out Distractions

Guy: So, where were you this evening?
Sober girl #1: I was in Little Italy.
Drunk guy: Shoes! Go on YouTube and search for ‘shoes’!
Sober girl #1: Oh my god! I’ve seen that video! ‘These shoes cost…‘
Drunk guy and sober girl #2: ‘Three hundred dollars’!
Drunk girl: You two are hot. You should fuck her in the ass.
Guy: So, where were you this evening?
Sober girl #1: I was in Little Italy.

–4^th Ave & 11^th St

Posted on September 28, 2021
Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Internet, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One‐Liners, Now with Pop‐Up Blocker

Trader: Yeah, so after I first called him I accidentally sent him a hardcore porn email, and he got such a kick out of it he sent me a hundred and fifty thousand share order.

–42^nd & Madison

Overheard by: So that’s how he makes so much money

Chick : Well, I got that thing on Facebook for his funeral, so I’ll be there Monday…

–NJ Transit train to Penn Station

Overheard by: Jingles

Kid on cell: Okay, now attach the file to the email… The file name is, um, ‘Beautiful black booties.’ What? Come on, I really need this for my oral presentation.

–Yeshiva University High School

Overheard by: Ellen DeGenerate

Hipster on cell: I am so MySpace mad at you.

–10^th & Bedford

Overheard by: Mandy

Girl: Friending him on Facebook is not an indication that you want to get in his pants!

–L train

Overheard by: michelle c

Skinny tween boy: My mom told me to be careful of stalkers on MySpace. Then, as soon as I signed up, I already had one friend — he was this guy named Tom — just smiling at me. I thought, ‘Man, how did the stalker find me so fast?!’

–1 train

30‐something dude to another: So, lately I’ve been really into Googling existential questions…

–E 3^rd & Bowery

Overheard by: alyosha

Posted on September 3, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Internet, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Internet

Buy Our Crap — You Know You Want It