Grumpy tourist father: I’m gonna stick that Shirley Temple where the sun don’t shine!
Tourist son: But I have light in my butt!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: supersillious
Grumpy tourist father: I’m gonna stick that Shirley Temple where the sun don’t shine!
Tourist son: But I have light in my butt!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: supersillious
Crazy lady at crosswalk: I am a professional jaywalker! If you jaywalk, I will give you a ticket! If you don’t, I will not!
Young black woman: Yo! Being who I am, I will bop you on the head.
–E 124th St & Lexington
Overheard by: waitingforthefight
Drunk guy, in fake Scottish accent: Anyone who doesn’t shut up will feel my cock against their stomach.
Drunk NYU girl #1: What if that’s what we want?!
Drunk NYU girl #2: Is he really Scottish?
–Crocodile Lounge, 14th & 2nd
Overheard by: eri
12‐year‐old kid: Shit, man, dem niggas isn’t shit.
Friend: Mmm‐hm.
12‐year‐old kid: Shit, man… Man, I kill bofth dem niggas!
Friend: Mmm‐hm, and I’d do it witcha.
12‐year‐old kid: Mmm‐hm.
–188th & Hoffman, Bronx
Overheard by: why do i go to school in the Bronx?
Teen girl, despairingly: If they ever find out a way to bring people back to life, I’m going to kill myself!
–14th St Subway Platform
Overheard by: yoncto
Blonde on cell: Don’t send me stupid things about how you want to stab yourself in the heart. It’s inconsiderate.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Hipster: I’m so stressed out right now; if I was going to NYU, I would’ve jumped out of a building.
–City College
Overheard by: Damn Right!
Guy on cell: You took them with alcohol? [Pause.] Wait, let me get this straight, you took all of them, then you got drunk? Yeah dude, that is just suicide.
–Elevator, Saks Fifth Ave
Old waitress: Were you here the time Jimmy crucified himself?
–Manhattan Restaurant, Greenpoint
Overheard by: chris
Disgruntled Latina to friend: And I told her bitch: “Kill yourself, you don’t even know how to smoke right!”
–4 Train
Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Daniel
Young nanny to six‐year‐old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?
–76th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sonny
Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.
–NYU Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Maria
Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Wemily
Girl on cell: You keep talking over me – it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.
–Ray’s Pizza, 52 & 8th
Overheard by: Jarett
Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as “that guy” and we’ll see how long you stay conscious.
–33rd & 7th
Nervous man seated against the wall: I don’t like this seat. I don’t like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there’s a fight? I don’t want to be trapped in a place with a fight.
–Off‐Broadway Theatre
Overheard by: Hannah
Ghetto chick: Can’t you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?
–W Train
Overheard by: sara n.
Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.
–The Strand Bookstore
Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…
Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?
–Chambers St
Overheard by: Shooty
Snooty female 30‐something to friend: Pap‐smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.
–Upper East Side
Overheard by: ianbobian
Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake‐ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I’m like “you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!”
–60th St & Broadway
Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you’re going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Really!?!?
Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you’re done entertaining the fake Jews.
–Cafe, Church & Walker
Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I’d have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?
–Hester & Mott
Overheard by: Jensel
Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a sense of your aura.” I mean really, they don’t let you get on a plane if your aura is bad?
Businesswoman #2: Wow, I guess so. Airport security is getting really tight these days.
Businesswoman #1: Seriously.
–50th & 7th
Overheard by: Arielle
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20‐something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three‐year‐old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
