Wednesday One-Liners Regret Listening to Their Biological Clocks

Mother to screaming toddler: Stop it. This is not your day. This is my day. Don't ruin it.

–Gourmet Garage

Southern woman to son: The WWE pose, just like we practiced in the backyard now.

–NBC Studios

Overheard by: Tracy

Mother yelling at three little well-dressed girls: Do not open that bottle of glitter! Do not! If you know glitter… (holding her arms out making a rainbow sort of gesture) Shit flies!

–Central Park

Overheard by: chellie

Very young mother to four-year-old son: Stop that! If you don't start behavin' I'm gonna send you in for the new model!

–R Train

Overheard by: Kait

Ghetto mom to young son running his hand along outside window while walking: Don't do that! You gonna get germs! Yo' hand gonna fall off!

–45th b/w 3rd & Lexington

Overheard by: Lili Von Shtupp

Very serious mother: Well, Megatron could beat Optimus because he's stronger. But Optimus is smarter, so he can outsmart Megatron.

–East Village

Mom holding little boy's hand: Forget everything you've seen today.

–Mermaid Parade, Coney Island Boardwalk

Overheard by: Not forgetting ANYTHING we saw today

Posted on November 11, 2021
All Wednesday One-Liners, Buildings, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Coney Island, Fears, Ghetto Chicks, Grocery Stores, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parents, Southerners, Sports, Threats, TV, Union Square and East Village, Women

And I'm Only Holding It in So It Doesn't Have to Take Up a Seat

Young girl: I want to sit over there! (points to occupied seat)
Pregnant mother: Girl, if I wasn't holding a baby in, I'll piss all over you.

–E Train

Overheard by: was sitting next to her…

Posted on October 26, 2021
Girls, Moms, On the Subway, Pee, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Public Transportation, Threats

Please God, Say They Didn’t Do It on the Train

Bag lady: …but I got 33 days credit.
Hobo: Yeah, but you know if you get locked up again, you’re gonna be there for 60.
Bad lady: I know, then I’ll do half.
Hobo: I can’t believe that guy did that to you. I’m gonna set him up like a bowling pin. And you know what happens to bowling pins: they get knocked out.

–Staten Island Railway

Overheard by: David D.

Posted on October 21, 2021
Bag ladies, Hobos, Staten Island, Threats

It’s a Universal Recognition Symbol

Guy #1, shouting: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: The Village?
Guy #1: We’re in the Village!
Guy #2: Ok… The Village…
Guy #1: So if someone grabs your dick, you know what it means!

–West 4th St Station

Overheard by: DS

Posted on October 11, 2021
Default, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Names, NYC Geography, Penis, Sexuality, Subway stations, platforms, etc., The Village, Threats

Years Later, James Would Work through This by Becoming a Stand-Up Comic

Mama thug: Don't stand by the doors. Sit down! You're gonna fall, and I'ma laugh at you. And you want me to laugh at you?
Baby thug: No.

–2 Train

Posted on August 21, 2021
Babies, Kids, Laughter, Moms, On the Subway, Threats, Thugs, Wishes & desires

You Don’t Realize How Much You Hate Kids Until You Have Them

Mom: I’m gonna throw you in the garbage! You’re driving me crazy!
Toddler slung over her shoulder: No, Ma! Don’t throw me in the garbage!
Mom: Then stop driving me crazy!

–Near Echo Food, Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Yuu

Posted on June 2, 2021
Brooklyn, Kids, Moms, Threats

Why Pepper Spray Was Invented.

Guy: In my brain, I want to cause you pain. I don't want to scare you, but I'm a lot bigger and stronger than you are.
Girl: Yeah, I don't think I can take you in a fight.

–NYU Library

Posted on May 10, 2021
Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, Height, NYU, Threats, Violence, Wishes & desires

Or Donate It to Toys for Tots.

Girl #1: You said you wanted to castrate him…
Girl #2, interrupting: And force-feed him his own dick. Yeah. I?m beyond that point now. I still want to castrate him, but I?ll just throw it away.

–Columbia University

Posted on April 19, 2021
Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Penis, Threats, Violence, Wishes & desires

Talk Is Cheap

Man to guy he bumped into: I hope you have to watch your children die!
Man’s wife: Shhh, honey, you can’t just say that!

–Times Square

Posted on October 7, 2020
Assholes, Threats, Times Square

…Away from Witnesses

Mom on stoop: Don't you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skateboard: Moooooooom! Go insiiiiide the hoooooouse! I don't need you!
Mom neighbor: Did he just tell me to go inside the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come inside the house!

–Monroe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Tigertail

Posted on September 30, 2020
Brooklyn, Friends, Kids, Moms, Parents, Should've Used a Condom, Threats

Threats