Naked woman #1: Why are you staring at me?
Naked woman #2: I’m not staring. It’s a public place, I’m not invading your space.
Naked woman #1: I don’t care if you invade my space, I just don’t want to be sucking on your nanas.

–Locker room, NYSC, Midtown

Teen guy #1: I’m totally gonna dump Christine.
Teen guy #2: No way! She’s awesome-hot! What did she do?
Teen guy #1: Yesterday she asked me why chicken breasts don’t have nipples.
Teen guy #2: That’s nothing! Why are you gonna dump her over… Oh… She probably doesn’t know about your dud nipple.
Teen guy #1: Dude! Don’t call it that!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: eating

Sober chick: Hey, c’mon, let’s go inside. It’s cold out here.
Tipsy chick: Okay… [Closes shirt.] Tell me if you see a nipple, ’cause that would just be awkward.
Sober chick: Of course.

–Spring & Elizabeth

Overheard by: Wear A Bra

Immature boy complaining about health video: Why is it that they put those mosaic blurry thingies on the nipples and show everything else?
Asian girl trying to do homework: God, you horny bastard!

–Hunter College High School

Overheard by: stop asking about bra sizes

Girl: Ew! I don’t want to hear the words ‘mother’ and ‘nipple’ in the same sentence!
Friend: What? It’s a legitimate question.

–Queens-bound R train

Overheard by: spacegirl

Guy #1: Dude, what's with the hot water?
Guy #2 (with pierced nipples): My nipples like steaming hot water. That's how they roll.

–NYU Palladium

Overheard by: Zacharia

Dude: So I finally saw Lisa's* tits. Good stuff, man.
Friend: Yeah? Are they big?
Dude: Not at all. But it's better that way. A handful is enough.
Friend: So it's like nuts?
Dude: What the fuck?
Friend: No! I mean they say a handful of nuts is enough protein for the day! That came out totally wrong!
Dude: Whatever you say…Tinkerbell.

–67th & Columbus

Guy: Where did everyone go?
Girl: They’re all in the bedroom looking at Nina’s breasts.
Guy: Again? Well, I guess it’s not really a party until Nina’s boobs make an appearance.
Loud girl’s voice from bedroom: Oh my god, Nina, your nipples are perfect!

–East Village

Professor: So, let’s return to the topic of male nipples for a moment.

–Sophomore seminar, Bard High School Early College

JAP on cell: … So I picked up and was like, ‘Hello?’ and she was all, ‘Come on, we’re going to get our nipples pierced.’ And I was like, ‘Oh. Um, okay.’

–49th & 7th

Biker chick: You don’t understand! You don’t understand that I can’t feel my nipples right now!

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Overheard by: Gemma

Tough guy to another: We all bang. We love each other. So what if I pinched your nipples?! What’s the big deal? I pinched your nipples!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Jim Conroy

Girl on cell: At the gallery, a woman offered me her nipple covers. She was like, ‘Hey, do you want my nipple covers?’ … Yeah, it’s been that kind of day.

–Stuyvesant Town

Girl #1: My nipples are really sore and I don’t know why.
Girl #2: Did you ever think that they might hurt because of the pieces of metal you’ve stapled through them?

–110th St

Overheard by: Not stapled