Black woman, looking at costumes: For Halloween I’m gonna be a slave.
Black man: For real?
Black woman: Will you be my master?

–3rd Ave & 25th St

Overheard by: Ivonna

Guy #1: Wow, I can’t believe we’re at the Macy’s parade, I used to watch this on tv as a kid.
Guy #2: I used to watch this on tv in jail.

–34th St

Overheard by: Heibi

20‐something guy to female friend leaving house party: If you see Sophia, say hi to her. She’s never been to our place before, so just let her know how to get in.
Female friend: I have no idea what she looks like!
20‐something guy: She has curly hair!
Female friend, walking outside: I am so going to fuck this up.

–86th St & Lexington

College girl: I have nothing to wear to the party tonight.
College guy: You could wear that thing you wore last night.
College girl: I can’t do that! Plus, it’s a theme party.
College guy: Well, you could wear that naked thing…?
College girl: Do you think I could get away with that?
College guy: Well, it’s lace, so it’s sort of Victorian.

–6 Train

Overheard by: sort of…

Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.

–33rd St, Astoria

Overheard by: Ferna

Teen to another: Barack Obama said, “pull your pants up!”

–Broadway & 72nd St

NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.

–Weinstein Hall, NYU

Border’s employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.


Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that “no pants” party.


30-something #1: What are you doing for Valentine's Day?
30-something #2: Getting high and masturbating.
30-something #1: Man, married life is great.

--Palladium Gym, NYU

Headline by: Pseudonym


· "Because she's out shopping for a vibrator" - trish

· "He celebrates Palm Sunday the same way" - Kate

· "He's An Up & Comer" - Rod W

· "Little Johnny took the comeback "If you love it so much, why don't you marry it?" a little too seriously." - Cloud

· "When Harry Met Righty" - Vasyl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Girl #1: Oh my gosh! I haven’t seen you in so long! You didn’t come to my party!
Girl #2: I know! I was high!

–St. Mark’s

Overheard by: Aearrin

NYU boy: What are you guys doing tonight?
NYU girl: We might be going to a frat party in Queens.
NYU boy: There are so many things wrong with that sentence.
NYU girl: You wanna go?
NYU boy: Yeah, sure.

–3rd Ave & 11th St

20‐something: I didn’t even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: mtrainetiquette

Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight – it’s my half birthday in 10 days.

–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St

Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?

–45th & 8th

Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!

–111 & Broadway

Seven‐year‐old: I want to take a year off.
Dad: You are not taking a year off.
Seven‐year‐old: But I want to party.
Dad: You cannot take a year off to party!

–83rd & Park