Weirdness

Crazy lady: I spent two years single, and then I met Jesus. And Jesus and I have been together for four years. And Jesus never forgets to call and check in once in awhile. He says, “Hey, how you doin’?”.

–Sunnyside

Overheard by: Mikey

Guy: He was into wearing slippers without socks. Like Jesus.

–Union Square station

Subway preacher: Jay Z ain’t gonna save ya! Jesus’ll save ya!

–West 4th Street station

The subway doors open. A hobo enters, holding a bottle of windex in one hand and a tube of toothpaste in the other.

Hobo: Which is the better time to read Dostyevsky? Winter?

He sprays the windex.

Hobo: Or Spring?

He squeezes toothpaste out of the tube.

Japanese girl: Spring!
Hobo: You are correct.

–F train

Overheard by: Pete Johnson

Woman: I want to stay inside Disney World. I’m going to see the Bain de Soleil Circus and everything.

–50th & 7th

Overheard by: O. Pressed

Dude on cell: So he’s getting married?…So he’s getting married in Wyoming?…So he’s getting married by Elvis?

–Houston & Varick

Teen mom: Someday I’m gonna get out of here and have fun. Like go to Gray’s Papaya or something.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Tyla

Contractor on cell: Uncle Monty left his nightmares at home last night.

–Park Slope

Girl on cell: …since we lived underwater we were seapeople, and we were a lot like seahorses, and you were pregnant because, you know, male seahorses carry the baby. And then we had to go on land for you to have the baby…

–Hunter College cafeteria

Woman on cell: I’m telling you, this guy is the man of my dreams. The only thing that could go wrong at this point is if he turns out to be, like, 4’11” or something.

–Prospect Heights

(cf. this entry.)

Guy on cell: You’ve got the best job: being a mom.

–42nd between 6th & Madison

Woman: …maybe because I got my period in the 4th grade and looked like everybody’s mother by the 6th grade. I was huge.

–27th street office

Mom: Now, this is not the Louvre, so don’t be jaded or anything.

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Cat Pop

Drunk: If a woman hadda right to choose where I come from, I wouldn’t be here today!

–Odessa Cafe, Avenue A

Overheard by: Ted Lattis

Chick: I saw my mother on stage in underwear and a bra with motorized tassels…

–13th & 5th

Overheard by: Caroline Norris

Counter Guy: K…K…K!…Okay, turkey and brie!
Customer #1: That’s not K, that’s H.
Customer #2: H is the new K.

–Liberty Deli, W. 56th St.

Overheard by: Steve

Tourist: You can tell it’s raining because everybody here has umbrellas.

–Times Square station

Overheard by: Joel Guilbert

Nut: I have powers, she has powers, and she knows that I have powers!

–Astor Place

B&T chick: What I really liked about this guy is that he could write his name in cocaine. And underline it.

–Grand Central food court

Overheard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: All I want is for my relatives to die in a certain order.

–University Ave, Bronx

Overheard by: Kaitlen

Girl: We’re outside now. Now I can entertain you.

–57th & Park

Overheard by: heather

Hobo: Hey Mr. Rockafella, can you help a blackafella?

— 7th Av & W. 11th

Overheard by: Gillian Glasser

20-something woman on cell: Did I tell you mom got into a fight with a raccoon again? (pause) Yeah, I know, our mom is totally going to die of rabies.

–Starbucks, West Village

Overheard by: Vaccinated for rabies

Guy to another: Flap your wings baby, just flap your wings!

–Broadway

Woman, shouting at no one in particular: You know I'm unstoppable! I'm like an ox!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

NYU girl: My mother was like, "what would you do with a giant inflatable turkey?" and I was like, "what wouldn't you do with a giant inflatable turkey?"

–3rd Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Mickey