Gay man in hipster glasses, sticking ass out: Papi! It hurts! Open it up and see what’s wrong!
Blonde white girl, whining: But what does that meeeeeeannnnn?
–Bleecker & Perry
Gay man in hipster glasses, sticking ass out: Papi! It hurts! Open it up and see what’s wrong!
Blonde white girl, whining: But what does that meeeeeeannnnn?
–Bleecker & Perry
Lady: I’m lactose intolerant!
Waitress: Then why are you putting butter on your bread?
Lady: I didn’t know butter was dairy! I thought it came from eggs!
–Veselka, E 9th & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Katznik
Crazy woman to mother of laughing baby: He likes me! At least you know he ain’t gonna be gay!
–14th St & Ave B
Person #1: Sorry I farted.
Person #2: Oh, I love your farts.
–9th St & 2nd Ave
20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!
–Pet Food Store
Overheard by: Nathalie
Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?
–8th & Broadway
Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?
–Chambers St. & West Broadway
Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.
–MacDougal & 8th St
Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.
–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown
Overheard by: Lauren T.
Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.
–Delancey & Essex
Woman in line at bank: I got a twin.
Friend: I think everybody do.
–HSBC, Boreum Hill, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Tony Cimino, DMA
Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o‐n‑g.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kyle
Man in light green suit with orange‐red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!
–125th & Lenox
Overheard by: Plausible
Young hipster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”
–Central Park Reservoir
Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smoking pot, you don’t want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don’t want me chewing gum and now you don’t like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?
–L Train
Overheard by: It’s me, bitches.
Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you’re smoking is really good.
–Cooper Union
Overheard by: me too
Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I’m serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can’t see anymore and then I’ll be there. Alright? Bye.
–8th Ave & 27th St
Overheard by: Erica Friedman
Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn’t smell like weed?
–Washington Square Park
(in front of the steps of The Metropolitan Museum of Art)
Tourist: Excuse me, do you know where The Met is?
Pissed off local woman: Walk seven blocks that way, take a left and walk four blocks.
(tourist walks away)
Pissed off local woman to friend: The next time someone asks me that, I’m giving them directions to the Bronx.
–82nd & 5th
Overheard by: olivia
Girl diner: You can order a tongue sandwich!
Guy diner: I don’t eat anything that can taste me back.
–Ben’s Kosher Deli
Overheard by: Pastrami Girl
Teenage girl: I want to be cremated into a diamond. Or…oh! A pearl!
Boyfriend: What, you want your family to put your ashes in a clam shell and hope for the best? Good luck with that!
–F Train
Overheard by: Should Ride the F More Often
