Drunk guy #1: …and so she’s totally got clown makeup on from banging him the night before.
Drunk guy #2: Dude, rodeo clowns are tough shit.
–Fish Bar, E. 5th Street
Overheard by: Samantha
Drunk guy #1: …and so she’s totally got clown makeup on from banging him the night before.
Drunk guy #2: Dude, rodeo clowns are tough shit.
–Fish Bar, E. 5th Street
Overheard by: Samantha
Chick: Okay guys, I’m going to subway surf in heels. I haven’t done it in so long, I hope I don’t fail.
Old man: You will fail.
Chick: Oh…
Old man: 75% of your weight is on your toes, only 25% is on your heel. You will fall. That’s from 25 years of martial arts experience.
–R train
Overheard by: Alyson Leigh
Two guys and a girl are walking down a street when a strange man sitting in an office chair rolls toward them.
Chair guy: Ah, this girl got two boyfriends! Mmm…Can a black man join the club? Can…a black man….join the club. Join the club.
–4th & Jane
Overheard by: marissa
Girl: Oh my God! That’s the Match guy who ate my salad two weeks ago! What should I do? Should I say something?
Guy: Wait, what? That guy? Salad?
Girl: I’ve got to get out of here!
–Mary’s Dairy, W. 4th Street
Overheard by: BBW
Girl: Yeah, you’re right. Laughing by yourself just makes you look demented.
–Office, Wall Street
Woman: He doesn’t like people who are deep, and sometimes I’m so deep that I can’t even understand myself. *Sigh*
–American Bible Society lobby, Columbus Circle
Girl: I think Spawn is going through an identity crisis.
–W train
Chick: The problem with a long-distance relationship is that so much of it occurs in the mind. And my mind is insane.
–Belgian Beer Bar, W. 4th Street
Overheard by: djlindee
Old woman: You know I love them Jews.
Guy: How do you know I’m a Jew?
Old woman: You took the seat like a Jew.
Guy: How does a Jew take a seat?
–1 train
Overheard by: Max Ravyn
Girl on cell: Hey, that’s not fair! If you get to be Mr. Incredible, why am I Jewgirl?
–Washington Square Park
Guy on cell: Does anyone in Romania have ice cream?
–Tompkins Square Park
Overheard by: Greg Ashley
Woman: Why is it every time a guy beats his dick over the phone it sounds like a helicopter taking off?
–20th & 6th
Overheard by: phyllis pisacano
Girl: what do you call this style of architecture? Ugly road-houses?
–Mott Haven
Overheard by: yev
Guy: Isn’t England a state of the US, like Colorado?
–Alt.Coffee, Avenue A
Overheard by: dewo
Guy flipping through cell: Damn, why the fuck have I only got White people on here?
–27th & 7th pizzeria
Overheard by: dbrock
Fashion girl: How do you start a zoo? Do you buy the animals first or the place to put them?
–Conde Nast Building, Times Square
Overheard by: Jax
Crazy guy: Are your French Fries made with beef?
–McDonald’s, 85th & 3rd
Overheard by: Marc Cassata
Guy: Is it technically depression if you’re depressed because you can’t date a Gap model?
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: ProcrastYNate
Hobo: Oh shit, baboons. They might bite me. I gotta be careful!
–54th & 7th
Crazy lady: Of course, as you can see, there are Fiddlywumps in there, and that’s the number one sign that you should leave the area immediately.
–14th & 7th
Crazy man: You know how da fish swibbles as it follows da current on da waves? It’s a baddacudda outta control. Dat’s what happens in ya mind. Ya know, da mind waves?
–42nd & 6th
Wheeltard: I’m a fucking genius! I’m a fucking genius! Hitler was amazing, everyone hail Hitler!
–7th Avenue & Grove
Hobo: Man, I’m going to fuckin’ Hong Kong. I’m sick of dodging bullets every day.
–110th & Morningside Drive
Overheard by: Laird
Taxi driver: There’s too many fucking buses in this city! And they all empty! And now you going to go kill all the Arabs for the gas for the empty fucking buses!
–5th Avenue cab
Overheard by: Megan E.
Crazy guy: Geraldo Rivera and his army. Is his wife in there? Bring her too.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: KJD
Crackhead: I can’t get married because first they took the land from the Indians and then they tried to take money from the poor and eliminate races!
–40th & Park
Overheard by: Vanessa
Woman on cell: Tell everybody to come to New York and play D&D with me.
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Francesca
Guy: So what you’re saying is that every event in modern history was
caused by a time-traveling Keanu Reeves?
–Chevy’s, Times Square
Overheard by: Kenny B
Boy on cell: …yeah, I know! So then I said, “Bitch, that’s what you get for messing with a level 5 dragon master!”
–C train
Overheard by: Lorelai Greenwood
Fat lady: You know, I don’t think I would make a good vampire…I don’t like staying up too late.
–W. 57th Street office
Woman: Here’s something really funny. I was getting on the train, the 6, and the 2 friends I was supposed to meet were sitting there! Out of all the cars in the train. That was weird.
Man: I don’t believe in that, in coincidences.
Woman: You don’t?
Man: No, I believe that what happens is what was meant to happen.
Woman: Well, I hope “what is meant to happen” isn’t wasting its time
with me getting on the train.
–N train
