Conductor: This is a Queens-bound G train.
Girl #1: This train is going to Queens?
Girl #2: But we’re going to Greenpoint!
Woman: This goes to Greenpoint.
Girl #2: Greenpoint is in Queens?
Girl #3: I thought it was in Manhattan.
–G train
Overheard by: p
Guy: Can you get your backpack out of my back?
Boy: There’s nowhere to put it.
Guy: Why don’t you put it in your ass?
–M86 bus
A black guy with a boom box comes on the train.
Boom box guy: This next song is for everyone who don’t feel good about himself when he get up in the morning. You gotta know that everyone is beautiful in they own right, and when you get up you gotta feel smoove.
He starts playing a song on the boom box and sings along. He and his three friends bop their heads to the beat and try to get other passengers to sing too. Then the conductor begins to makes an announcement. Boom box guy lowers the music.
Boom box guy: Everyone best be listening to what the man has to tell us.
–6 train
Girl: Excuse me. Excuse me.
Man: No.
–Whitehall SI Ferry terminal
Driver: Hey man, are you a cab driver?
Cabbie: No, I’m a taxi driver.
–Cab, Astoria
Dude #1: How many pricks?
Dude #2: 15.
Dude #1: Nah…5? 4?
Dude #2: 5.
Dude #1: Okay, we’re agreed. 5 pricks on the train. Later, bro.
–6 train
Overheard by: T-Dub
Old woman: You know I love them Jews.
Guy: How do you know I’m a Jew?
Old woman: You took the seat like a Jew.
Guy: How does a Jew take a seat?
–1 train
Overheard by: Max Ravyn
Bus driver: Will all the beautiful people please step to the rear? All the beautiful people, you know who you are. Thank you.
–Q46 bus
Overheard by: Joyce Shen
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen: if you’re running late for your train, try calling out “please wait.” Most conductors will! The magic word gets used so seldom down here. This is your conductor speaking. And I’ll wait.
–F train
Conductor: Why you waving your hand in the door? You trying to catch a cab?
–B train
Bus driver: If you want good air conditioning, move to the middle. This bus is crap!
–QM1 bus
Overheard by: MissDona
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we have some good news and some bad news. Bad news is that our engine has stopped. The good news is that you’re not on an airplane.
–MetroNorth train
Overheard by: Nic
Conductor: Attention ladies and gentlemen, this is not an interactive ride! Please do not hold the doors.
–D train
Overheard by: Camodee D
PA system: Ladies and gentlemen, riding on the outside of cars is dangerous. Please ride fully inside the cars.
–4 train
Overheard by: OJ-Gangas
Conductor: This is the D train headed to the Bronx. I repeat, this is the D train. D, as in Denise Richards.
–D train
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, there is more than one door on this train. In fact there are 30 of them. Please feel free to use the other 29.
–1 train
Overheard by: Traveler Bill
Conductor: Canal Street next after this brief musical interlude.
–R train
Overheard by: Mark
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re stuck at this station because I have to get permission from Queensboro before we can leave and they’re not answering the phone. I think they all went home to get some sleep.
–N train
Overheard by: SP
Conductor: You have to get on the train when the doors are open. Thank you!
–MetroNorth train
Overheard by: alyssa
Man: Passengers, do not keep quiet if you see George W. Bush or Dick Cheney. If you see George W. Bush or Dick Cheney attempt to get them impeached. This has been a MTA announcement.
–6 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Conductor: Attention passengers, there is a train directly behind this one…ten degrees cooler.
–6 train
Conductor: This is Borough Hall, home of Brooklyn borough president Marty Markowitz, also known as Mr. Brooklyn. On behalf of your borough president, and your conductor, welcome to Brooklyn: a nice place to visit, a great place to live!
–F train
Fat chick: I said excuse me!
Fatter chick: Ya, well, you were up my ass for the last 5 minutes.
Fat chick: Ya I want to be up that fat ass!
Fatter chick: Shall I follow you to Queens? Shall I? Some of us can afford to live on 60th Street.
–59th Street station
A woman is arguing with the man in the token booth, but he’s speaking through the mic and his voice is muffled.
Woman: Huh? What? What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, all right. Shut the fuck up, Burger King.
–Sutter Avenue station
Overheard by: Deshaunicus
Guy: Here you go man. Here’s some fries.
Hobo: Fries? Fries with what?
–88th & Madison
Overheard by: Benjamin K.
