Tourist guy: We’re staying down on Two Avenue. Now do they say Two Avenue or Second Avenue here?
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Chess
Tourist woman: We’re in Manhattan, right?
–Times Square
Tourist girl: Can’t we like, just call a cab? You know, like, “Hi, we need a cab, pick us up here?”
–42nd between Broadway & 6th
Overheard by: Heather Hunter
Tourist guy: Do they just breed dogs smaller here, or what?
–Broadway & Astor
Overheard by: jillypickle
Man #1: Are you in line for the bus?
Man #2: The bus? No, I’m in line for the bathroom.
Man #1: Well, I’m waiting for the bus.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd
Overheard by: Michelle
Lady: I don’t like to parallel park…it messes up my hair.
–61st & Madison
Guy: Seriously, you are being ridiculous. You need to calm the fuck down. You still have 2 more stops and what are your expectations with that outfit? Let me off.
–L train
Man on cell: I served lemonade for 6 hours! It wasn’t fucking bartending! It sucked!
–61st & 3rd
Chinese chick: Oh, I don’t watch baseball. I just recently found out what a home run is. I used to think they would, like, run home, and I was like, what the fuck is the point of that?
–B6 bus
Man on cell: Are you a fucking retard or do you just play one in real life?
–Penn Station
Girl: I don’t know why I pay for the internet. The only sites I ever use are Friendster, Craigslist and Overheard In New York and I’ll be honest, sometimes they just don’t do it for me.
–2 train
Punk chick: …hate it when my dirt washes off. It keeps me warm.
–St. Mark’s between 1st & A
Chick: You’re not the one who had to teach a fucking dance class from 9 to 5. I had to teach dance from 9 to 5. And I have to do it again tomorrow. I don’t wanna fucking dance anymore. I have tendonitis!
–12th & 3rd
Overheard by: Domi & Rachel
Loudspeaker: Spirit Airlines is paging Islam Mohammed. Islam Mohammed, please report to gate B6 for an ontime departure.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Joe Helfrich
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, in a crowded car like this, remember you only have two hands. If you notice a third hand in your purse or your pocket, I am sure your fellow passengers will help you get rid of the third hand.
–A train
Overheard by: Miss Babette
Bus driver: First, next and last stop!
–M104 bus
Overheard by: Palaverist
Loudspeaker: OK…The downtown E train is leaving…Close it up, close it up, close it up…downtown E train…close it up…now serving Wade, party of 2…Wade, party of 2.
–E. 51st Street station
Overheard by: Tim
Woman: Here’s something really funny. I was getting on the train, the 6, and the 2 friends I was supposed to meet were sitting there! Out of all the cars in the train. That was weird.
Man: I don’t believe in that, in coincidences.
Woman: You don’t?
Man: No, I believe that what happens is what was meant to happen.
Woman: Well, I hope “what is meant to happen” isn’t wasting its time
with me getting on the train.
–N train
Pedicab guy: It’s a great day for a ride in Central Park. Want a ride?
Man: How much to the Bronx?
–Columbus Circle
Hobo: Hello, ladies and gentlemen! How are you all today? My name is Sonny Payne–
Teen girl: And you’re just a Payne in the ass!
–F train
Overheard by: Nicole A.
Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen–
Woman: Ah God, I can’t take it this early.
–9 train
Conductor: We’re experiencing some slight delays. There seems to be a power outage in the station. Or on the tracks. Or there might be an Amtrak line down. You should probably get off now and take the PATH. And if you didn’t hear this message the other three times, I’ll be saying it again in 30 seconds.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: gigglechick
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we’re on Track A, which is normally an eastbound track. We’re waiting for written instructions to depart. They’re probably making copies for us right now. Thank you for your patience.
–Newark Penn Station
Overheard by: gigglechick
Midwestern mom: Oh my word, that mannequin has nipples!
–Saks Fifth Avenue
Girl: Whoa, that building is tall!
–Empire State Building
Southern lady on cell: New York City, New York…Yes, I’d like the listing for Starbucks…You mean there’s more than one?
–Times Square
Woman on cell: They have strange stores here. She made me come to this place called Archaeology.
–Anthropologie, 5th Avenue
Overheard by: rehey11
Tourist chick: OK, this is 14th Avenue, we are only three stops away, we should prepare to get out. OK, everybody stand up and get to the doors right now!
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
Two brothers, ages 8 and 10, sit on the 6 train. Across from them sit their mother and their aunt. The older boy stands, letting his brother continue to sit, next to a pole. A largish older lady wedges herself in next to the young boy, pushing him into the pole.
Mother: Lady, you can’t sit there, you’re crushing him!
Lady: I’m old enough to sit, he’s young enough to stand.
Mother: You’re crushing him!
Lady: He has plenty of room.
Younger brother: Get the hell off!
Lady: I’m old enough to be your grandmother.
Younger brother: You’re not my grandmother.
Mother: Thank God.
Aunt: Thank God.
Younger brother: Get off me, you big fat lady!
Mother: Stop that, be quiet. Get over here.
He moves to her lap.
Younger brother: You’re not my grandmother.
Older brother: Would everybody shut up? Don’t fight on the train!
Lady’s husband: Stop it. Stop talking to them.
Lady: I’m telling you to close your mouth.
Older brother: Everybody stop!
Mother: We’re getting off here.
Aunt: Thank God.
Lady: Thank God.
The family hustles out of the train. The rest of the passengers laugh as quietly as possible.
–6 train
