Cabbies

New Yorker: You drove like a maniac. Do you have any idea what the speed limit is in New York?
Cabbie: Cab drivers do not have speed limits in New York.

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Peter

Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don't want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!

–17th & Irving

(pedestrians are crossing when they aren't supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: momes

Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car!

–Jerry Orbach St

Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I'ma getting hit by a car, I'ma getting hit by a nice car.

–Broadway & Houston

Tourist driving car: I don't give a fuck if you own the world! I'm running your ass over!

–Financial District

Overheard by: lex

Woman: If you don’t stop hitting the fucking brakes like that, I’m gonna throw up all over the back of your cab.
Cab driver: Oh yeah? Go right ahead, lady!

She did.

–Cab, 34th & Lexington

Overheard by: Her friend, who was also kicked out of the cab

Cop to cabbie: Hurry up, you Arabian fuck! Dumbass towel-heads…
Tourist mom: Do you have to use that language? There are children present.
Cop: Lady, shut up. This is New York — either get with it or get out.
Tourist mom: This never would have happened back in Kansas City.

–Rockefeller Center

Cabbie: So, uh, you hear about the double team? The, uh, Democrats?
Passenger: Oh, so Democrats got the Senate, too?
Cabbie: Yes! It’s like a twelve-inch penis!

–Northbound 1st Ave from Delancey

Overheard by: dumbstruck passengers

Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stupid.

–The Flame Diner, 58th St & 9th Ave

Woman to man: But they were only stopping the dumbasses… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.

–W 66th St & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

(Blonde is having trouble hailing cab during rush hour)
Gypsy cab driver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stupid!

–116th & Broadway

20-something guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stupid you are.

–4th St Subway Station

Overheard by: Glad I’m not dating him

Girl: Alexis, we’ve been over this. You’re stupid.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Crosby

Bimbette, yelling into cell: Yo! Look who you’re talking to–I’m not exactly the smartest person in the world!

–Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: dumb as a rock

Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger!

–Columbus Circle

Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs)

–Cab, Broadway & Houston

Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him?

–Battery Park

Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C'mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video!

–Cab, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Gene Gray

Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid.

–Queens

Overheard by: Fiasco

Muscular mook with sweet tribal tattoo, driving Toyota Tundra, yelling on cell: Someone stole my fucking knapsack! It had my fucking Merrill's. My Sperry's. If I see someone wearing Sperry's, I will fucking crush them.
Tajikistani cab driver: That is the bad kind of Italian. I should know, I live in Bay Ridge.

–53rd & 9th Ave

Cabbie, after men decide not to take taxi: That's $5 for touching my door.

–14th St & Ave B

Overheard by: Crossing street

Cabbie: So, why are you going up to Columbia University anyway?
Girl: Because I have class in a couple hours.
Cabbie: With a face like yours and a rack like that, people actually take you seriously in that school?!

–Taxi ride with hot chick