Taxi driver to colleague: Man, you know I don’t smoke that marijuana. How could you say that? It doesn’t do anything for me. So, I smoke crack. [turns to a young woman with bags] Want a taxi?
Young woman: No, especially if you smoke crack.
Taxi driver: It doesn’t matter what I smoke. If you can’t afford a taxi, just say that. Don’t insult me.
–In front of the Pathmark on Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn
Cab driver, to girl crossing the street when red hand signal is on: What are you doing!!?? [honks horn repeatedly.]Girl, taking her time crossing: Yeah, Yeah. So your horn blows, does your mother?!
–38th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: Nic
Drunk guy: Wait, you’re not going anywhere? [Off-duty cabbie shakes his head.] Hey, buddy, fuck you!
Cabbie: Thank you very much, sir.
–8th Ave
Passenger: Hi, I’d like to go to Rivington and Ludlow, please.
Cabbie: I don’t know where that is.
Passenger: That’s okay, I’ll show you how to get there.
Cabbie: But then how will I know how to get back?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Charlemagne
Guy to buddy: It’s just like New York, except it’s clean and quiet… and people are nice.
–51st & Broadway
Tourist girl: You guys, we’re finally here! New York! Sleepless in… Oh my god, I’m such a moron!
–Incoming Air Canada flight, JFK airport
Overheard by: la petite touriste
Hobo to passerby wearing ‘I love NY’ shirt: Try living here for a few months, see how much you fucking love it.
–Chinatown
Pedicab driver to intrigued tourists: It is the most exciting thing you will do in New York City.
–58th & 5th
Overheard by: Stevo
Woman: Sure, in New York something gets blown up every now and then. But at least we don’t have to worry about falling off into the ocean.
–Filene’s Basement
Overheard by: amused tourist
High-strung mom to nanny: Just leave him here and go check. He’s not going to get kidnapped. No one in New York wants kids, anyway.
–C train
Subway preacher: All of you are going to hell because of New York!
–Grand Central
Woman getting into cab: I need to go to Wall Street.
Cabbie: Can you give me directions?
–27th & Broadway
Hobo in a hurry to a stopped cabbie with open window: Yo, yo, dude! What time it is?
Indian cabbie: 21 hundred.
Hobo: Huh?
Indian cabbie: 21 hundred.
Hobo: Man, that’s not funny.
–4th St, between 1st & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Dan
Cabbie: So, you and your husband are looking for property?
Chick: No, he’s just my boyfriend. We live together.
Cabbie: That is not good. You have to leash your camel tight or else they run away. Run away fast.
–Cab
Overheard by: Friend of Unmarried Gal
Limo driver: What are you trying to do?!
Cabbie: Did you not see the other guy, what he was doing? I had to move.
Limo driver: So he tries to kill you, and you move over and try to kill me?
Cabbie: What you want me to do?
Limo driver: So, you try to kill me so you don’t die — you try to kill me, then.
Cabbie: Well, then you have to die.
–7th Ave South & Perry St
Passenger: Have you ever run anyone over?
Cabbie: No. Do you want me to try it right now?
–West Village
