Wednesday One-Liners Learned to Drive Badly in Foreign Lands

20-something guy on cell: In the eight-minute cab ride it went from her telling him he was wearing a cheap coat to her licking his face!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Overheard by: Robert

Conductor: We are not moving because of a switch problem at 125th. If you are in a hurry, there are taxis upstairs.

–Uptown D Train

Overheard by: Wes

30-something man in Santa suit on cell: Where the fuck is my fucking taxi, bitch?

–Lafayette & Spring

Cop pulling over a cabbie: Why did you honk? Where did you see danger? Where did you see danger? Besides behind your own wheel…

–Times Square

Woman cut off by cab while crossing the street: Oh my god! I'm getting cab-fucked left and right!

–Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: Marc

Posted on February 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Central Park, Clothing, Conductors, Cops, Guys, Insults, Licking, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Public Transportation, Questions, Sex, Soho, Street, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

When the Russians Finally Took Over the U.S., It Wasn't Worth Anything

Old Russian cabbie: I'm George Bush.
Sleepy teen: Nice to meet you, Mr. President.
(cabbie looks satisfied and pulls away)

–Eugene O'Neill Theater

Posted on January 30, 2009
Cabbies, Names, President, Teens, Theater, Weirdness

Dumbledore: Me First!

(group of socialites-in-training exit cab)
Yuppie with dark round glasses: Here's your tip, cabbie.
Cabbie: Oh, great.
Yuppie: Well, fuck you very much.
Cabbie, driving off: Screw you, Harry Potter!

–Canal & Orchard St

Overheard by: Jynx

Posted on January 23, 2009
Books & Writing, Cabbies, Chinatown, Insults, Money & Class, Nicknames & name calling, Only in New York, Yuppies

Suddenly Sober, Alice Put Out the Cigarette

Drunk chick: I don't care if you let me I'm smoking this fucking cigarette. (lights it)
Driver: Brunettes are slutty.
Drunk chick: What?
Driver: It's okay, I like slutty chicks.

–Taxi Cab, Williamsburg

Overheard by: where's waldo?

Posted on September 20, 2008
Brooklyn, Cabbies, Compliments, Default, Drunks, Girls, Insults, Smokers & Smoking, Smoking, Weirdness

And Don’t You Dare Insult Crack

Taxi driver to colleague: Man, you know I don’t smoke that marijuana. How could you say that? It doesn’t do anything for me. So, I smoke crack. [turns to a young woman with bags] Want a taxi?
Young woman: No, especially if you smoke crack.
Taxi driver: It doesn’t matter what I smoke. If you can’t afford a taxi, just say that. Don’t insult me.

–In front of the Pathmark on Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on April 12, 2008
Brooklyn, Cabbies, Compare/Contrast, Hard Drugs, Insults, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Weed, Women

Girl Dead in Hit and Run. (For Full Story Click {link}here{link})

Cab driver, to girl crossing the street when red hand signal is on: What are you doing!!?? [honks horn repeatedly.]Girl, taking her time crossing: Yeah, Yeah. So your horn blows, does your mother?!

–38th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Nic

Posted on April 4, 2008
Anger Management, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Default, Etiquette, Family Ties, Girls, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Street

I Hope You Enjoy Vomiting into the Gutter

Drunk guy: Wait, you’re not going anywhere? [Off-duty cabbie shakes his head.] Hey, buddy, fuck you!
Cabbie: Thank you very much, sir.

–8th Ave

Posted on September 18, 2007
Cabbies, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Drunks, Etiquette, Insults

My Mom Told Me to Stick to the Numbered Streets

Passenger: Hi, I’d like to go to Rivington and Ludlow, please.
Cabbie: I don’t know where that is.
Passenger: That’s okay, I’ll show you how to get there.
Cabbie: But then how will I know how to get back?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Charlemagne

Posted on July 20, 2007
Cabbies, Directions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Wednesday One-Liners Love New York. Maybe.

Guy to buddy: It’s just like New York, except it’s clean and quiet… and people are nice.

–51st & Broadway

Tourist girl: You guys, we’re finally here! New York! Sleepless in… Oh my god, I’m such a moron!

–Incoming Air Canada flight, JFK airport

Overheard by: la petite touriste

Hobo to passerby wearing ‘I love NY’ shirt: Try living here for a few months, see how much you fucking love it.

–Chinatown

Pedicab driver to intrigued tourists: It is the most exciting thing you will do in New York City.

–58th & 5th

Overheard by: Stevo

Woman: Sure, in New York something gets blown up every now and then. But at least we don’t have to worry about falling off into the ocean.

–Filene’s Basement

Overheard by: amused tourist

High-strung mom to nanny: Just leave him here and go check. He’s not going to get kidnapped. No one in New York wants kids, anyway.

–C train

Subway preacher: All of you are going to hell because of New York!

–Grand Central

Posted on April 4, 2007
All Wednesday One-Liners, Cabbies, Hobos, Moms, Only in New York, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners

Cabbies