Latina: Who you think got a bigger dick, A-Rod or Jeter?
Black chick: Thats a good one. I’m gonna say Jeter cause he half black.
Latina: True, true…
Black chick: Tiger Woods is half black too, but I bet he got a little rice dick.
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Greg Sampson
Chick: I’m afraid of birds, so I go to the bird store next door to sort of get over it, you know? So I was down there today and there was this lady there who owns one of the birds, and she was saying how it bit her in the lip, and she lost feeling in her finger. That makes me think…they really are evil!
–Office, E. 33rd Street
Man on cell: Hello. Yes, this is the squirrel from the park. Please
come back to the park, I’m not in the park but I’ll be there soon.
–23rd & 6th
College girl: I always associate double-parking with shrimp.
–M86 bus
Overheard by: Andrea Natalie Goldstein
Hispanic girl: Yo, butterflies is scary!
–B train
College girl: Yeah, my mom was watching this commercial about kitty litter where there was this cat who said, “Yeah, and then they go and do the thing…” Wait. I mean, that’s not what the cat said. I’m just paraphrasing.
–Starbucks, 67th & Columbus
Hispanic mom: How much is the popcorn?
Concession Stand guy: Well the medium is $5 and the large is $5.50.
Hispanic mom: What’s the difference? Is the large just bigger?
–Loews Lincoln Square, 68th Street
Overheard by: ~dana
Girl: Did you just call him a dirty Guatemalan?
Guy: Yeah.
Girl: Are you sure you didn’t have the wrong number?
Guy: I don’t know what the fuck is going on.
–Chip Shop, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Domi
Fat White drunk woman: Maybe you got it from someone in our building, or all those transvestites you fucked.
Sobbing Hispanic man: But baby, I didn’t fuck that many, it’s not my fault!
–Fordham Road, The Bronx
Waitress: Sorry sir, your order did not come out as you expected. The cooks don’t speak English so they didn’t understand what you wanted.
–ESPNZone, Times Square
Overheard by: Rachel W
Spanish girl: When I got my tongue pierced it wasn’t swollen at all. They was tellin’ me to eat soup and shit. Fuck that! I was eatin’ rice and beans like five times a day! I am not gonna starve myself for no piercing. Fuck that! Gimme a T-bone.
–M train
A hobo walks up to the people outside and says: Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? It has no atmosphere.
–Indochine, Lafayette Street
Drunk guy: So I eat the Baklava, then I go into the bathroom to take care of my business. When I come out I say, “What’s the problem?”.
–47th & 9th
Overheard by: JH
Woman: Can you please make sure it’s a boy lobster? I’m only into boys, and don’t want to eat a girl.
–Austin ale house, Kew Gardens
Overheard by: tom
Pudgy guy on cell: I used to pay for dinner for three. But now I don’t pay for anyone, I just have Apple Jacks at home.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Alita
Lesbian #1: Huh. There seems to be a disproportionate number of queers around here.
Lesbian #2: Darling, we’re on Christopher Street.
–Christopher Street
Boy: Mom, I want gadgets!
Mother: No, Trevor. Not those gadgets.
–Christopher Street
Thug #1: Why would I pay $170 for new Jordans, when I can pay $250 for a pair of Pradas?
Thug #2: I hear dat.
Thug #1: Plus I’m sure to get more ass in Pradas.
–JFK Airtrain
Overheard by: les koh
Latin guy: What are you staring at?
White guy: I can’t get over how beautiful the bartender is. Look at her, she looks like a movie star.
Latin guy: That’s a guy.
White guy: I know.
–The Stonewall, Christopher Street
Chick on cell: Yo, I’m going to that gay parade, those people are doin’ it. Those boys be makin’ each other cum.
–Target, Atlantic Avenue
Girl: Why are you making fun of people? Someone as fat as you shouldn’t be runnin’ your mouth to nobody!
Drunk guy: OK, I may be fat but can lose weight. You’ll always be a nigger.
Girl: Ooh, so now you’re stupid and fat? Look drunk-ass, I’m not Black, I’m Dominican!
Drunk guy: Oh my bad, you’re a Spanish-speaking nigger.
–Croxley Ale House, Avenue B
Caribbean guy: Hey, I’m looking for a Jason Ghi-ambi baseball bat.
Store guy: An autographed bat?
Caribbean guy: I’m not paying fifty dollars for no bat.
Store guy: What do you need the bat for?
Caribbean guy: I just really need to bash someone’s head in, you know what I’m saying?
Store guy: You don’t need a Jason Giambi bat for that. Any of these bats can be used for bashing someone in the head.
–Triangle Sports, Flatbush
Overheard by: Owen
Girl: Sorry, I’m trying to be as French as possible.
French guy: Oh, I’m from Bawsten.
–N train
Overheard by: c. dubs
The train pulls out of the underground. Three Hispanic teens look outside.
Hispanic teen #1: You can’t see the Eiffel Tower from here?
They continue looking for a good twenty seconds.
Hispanic teen #2: That shit’s in Paris, yo!
–F train
Overheard by: Daniel Radosh
