Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex.

–Dumbo, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tanya

Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem.

–64th & Amsterdam

Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you!

–Target Store, Brooklyn

Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later.

–28th & Park Avenue South

Overheard by: Alie

Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again?

–61st & Amsterdam

Posted on February 20, 2018
Advice, Age/Aging, Asians, Brooklyn, Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Insults, Jews, Kids, Latinos, Marriage, Men, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Names, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, Relationships, Religion, Sex, Store, Street, Teachers/Professors, Travel, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Now I See Your Twat Colors, Shining Through.

Latina chick to two friends: Fucking bitch whore keeps calling me!
Friend #1: Don't answa! Don't answa!
Friend #2: She's a bitch.
Latina chick: Don't call my motha a bitch, you twat.

–14th St & Ave A

Posted on August 16, 2017
Alphabet City, Family Ties, Friends, Insults, Latinos, Parents

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda

Posted on February 19, 2016
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Bosses, Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Hobos, Latinos, Lower East Side, Man's Best Friend, Men, Money & Class, Music, On the Subway, One-liners, Race, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, White People, Women

J. Lo. and Puffy's Unfinished Life Together

Black guy with bags, bumping into Hispanic woman: Don't gimme that look, not my fault, not my fuckin' fault! (Hispanic woman just glares) Look at me again and I'll fuck you in the ass!

–53rd St & 5th Ave

Posted on February 18, 2016
Apologies, Backdoor, Black People, Insults, Latinos, Threats

They Did It to Confuse You

In a dark movie theater–

Black guy standing up in his seat: Yo! I’m right over here, hurry up and get your ass through the aisle.
Hispanic guy: It’s not my problem I can’t see you in the dark, cuz you so black! The only the thing I can see is your white t-shirt, but everybody has white on

–Lincoln Center AMC Theater

Overheard by: JKim

Posted on January 24, 2016
Black People, Latinos, Movie Theaters, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

Another Strike and You’re Out, Sweetheart

Woman: Hola! Una wheatgrass con ginger… Por favor!
Latina girl behind counter: Excuse me? You wanted what, exactly?
Woman: Ummm… A wheatgrass shot with ginger?
Girl: You do realize we don’t have that, don’t you?

–Juicy Lucy’s, Avenue A

Overheard by: JKS

Posted on December 7, 2015
Bartenders, Customers, Default, Languages, Latinos, Offers and requests, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness, Women

Hush, Little Wednesday, Don't You One-Liner

Mother to screaming child: Please stop crying and put your coat on. I am not hurting you or torturing you, so please stop crying.

–4th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: olivejuice

Father to kid who just started crying: Hey, stop! I thought I told you to wait until we got home!

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Lucian

Guy to girl, on Valentine's Day: You look fat when you cry.

–Cobble Hill

Overheard by: MJB

Hispanic man on phone to girlfriend: Ma, why you cryin?! You should be breaking up with me because I hit you!

–Staten Island Ferry

Guy to girlfriend: I'm sorry I pulled your hair while you were crying.

–Bowery & 2nd

Posted on November 24, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Apologies, Breaking Up, Brooklyn, Crying, Dads, Diet/Weight, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Hair, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Latinos, Moms, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Should've Used a Condom, Staten Island Ferry, Union Square and East Village, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer to Be Called ‘Caucasian’

Hispanic guy to another, leaving restroom: Man, it smells like white man’s shit in there.

–Trump Tower, 5th Ave

Hobo to hispanic guy on cell: Are there any white people in this town?

–Wyckoff & Troutman, Brooklyn

Overheard by: they’re coming

Woman: But it’s Aryan night…

–116th & Broadway

Hobo playing guitar: I’ve got three kids at home — I’ll take anything. I’ll take food stamps, hair weave, Chinese people’s money, change, food, weed… I’ll even take white people’s money.

–1 train

Overheard by: trooshieb

Black lady: Harlem is up and coming, but it ain’t come up yet. I need to see a few more white people jogging at six a.m. before I sign a lease above 125th.

–7 train

Posted on November 9, 2015
Black People, Hobos, Latinos, On the Subway, Poop, Race

Isn't It Great That We Can Talk Like This?

Black MTA employee guy: My brother is the conductor on this train.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Is that right? What's his name?
Black MTA employee guy: I don't know.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: You don't know his name? And he's your brother?
Black MTA employee guy: He's a brother from another mother. You know, kinda light-skinned, with freckles.
Hispanic MTA employee woman: Oh, I know that guy. He hangs out with what's-his-name.
Black MTA employee guy: Yeah, right.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Stephanie Luke

Posted on August 23, 2015
Black People, Coworkers, Family Ties, Latinos, Names, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions

Portrait Of the Scat Fetishist As a Young Man

Hispanic nanny: And you know how I have to make poo?
Excited toddler: Yeah!

–1st Ave & E Houston

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Posted on August 3, 2015
Health and Hygiene, Kids, Latinos, Poop, Questions, Union Square and East Village